SRS Guilty feelings, and boy trouble… help

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Sheana, Jul 24, 2005.

  1. Sheana

    Sheana New Member

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    Here’s my dilemma... I have two guys that are absolutely retarded for me, and I don’t wanna hurt either one of them. I have been talking to guy A since shortly after my fiancé passed away in April of this year, and have been in a relationship with him for about 3 weeks now. I have known guy B for over a month, but only found out a few days ago how truly in “love” he is with me. Guy A knows about guy B, but guy B doesn’t know about guy A. Although I can’t see myself actually dating guy B, he's so sweet and I just can’t bare the though of telling him about guy A, and crushing him into a million pieces. On top of that, I have overwhelming feelings of guilt about already being in a relationship with guy A since my fiancé has only been dead for 3 months and some change. Those feelings of guilt are pushing me to want to step back from guy A for awhile, just so I can get my head back on straight and figure out what I want in my life right now, but I really like him and I don’t wanna risk loosing him completely! I’m Uber confused, and I need your opinion about what I should do with all this.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Well the saying is ' till dead do us part' and although i think your fiancee was the right person for you, i think you did the right thing for moving on with your life. But you being confused makes me unsure if you are ready for a new relationship. I would tell B that you are having a difficult time since your fiancee died, and that before he came into your life you where already in a relationship with another person, that you don't want to hurt his feelings but that you do feel that its the right thing to tell him about it, that you where totally suprised by his appearance in your life, and that you didn't know about his feelings until it was too late, tell him your sorry and that you encourage him to find a significant 'other' in your life.

    That's what you have to do because sometimes in life, you have to choose the lesser evil, if he gets hurt after he finds out himself he indeed will be heartbroken, in any case he will be heartbroken, its for you to say it in such a long and subtle way that it will cause as less damage as possible.
     
  3. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    I would tell guy B that you need space. Don't tell him about A, but just tell him it's too soon and you need more time. Either way, tell him now and don't string him along.
     
  4. WPInerd

    WPInerd New Member

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    exactly!
     
  5. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    good plan.
     
  6. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    And how do you think he'll feel about you leading him on? Until you be HONEST and cut him off, he'll keep pining for you, and if you are dishonest about it for the sake of "keeping him around", he will come to resent you for it, having been hurt infinitely more than he would have if you had just been honest rather than wasting him time and emotional energy. Trust me, I've been guy B most of my life, and this behavior of yours can be unbelievably hurtful and damaging. If this is your idea of being "nice", you couldn't be more wrong.

    Maybe he can still be "friends" and be ok with that, but that probably won't happen. It's likely that you will have to go your seperate ways. A friendship isn't really a friendship if either person wants it to be more than that and the other doesn't see them "like that". All that is is self-esteem crushing frustration that never ends well. By all means, try to let him down gently. But gently or not, he needs to be set free.

    As for the guilt, I can't say much. If you feel it's too soon, then maybe it is. That's really something for you to work out though (preferably not at the expense of others).
     
  7. level99

    level99 Guest

    have some respect. tell both guys you need some time. for crying out loud he's only been gone for 3 months!
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    This is a job for Captain Polygamy
     
  9. zysus

    zysus New Member

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    The healing time thing is something only you will be able to figure out... and you have to feel it out... it's about you being ready...
    otherwise... cut guy b free, don't mess with him... better to hurt him now than later...

    Good luck w/ guy a.
     

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