GuidoThePenguin's breakdown of the Formula One season so far.

Discussion in 'OT Driven' started by Guido The Penguin, Mar 29, 2004.

  1. Guido The Penguin

    Guido The Penguin Hi, I'm here for the gang bang.

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    Here is a team by team, driver by driver, person by person analysis of whats going on in F-1 after the 1st two races.


    Ferrari - Proving that using a bank roll equal to the GNP of the European Union, you too can steamroll a racing series.

    Jean Todt - The head munchkin of Micheal Schumacher's chin hasn't had to find new loopholes for the team while closing ones on other teams. Ron Dennis' claims of sandbagging under Todt's eyes during pre-season testing turned out to be sleepy eyes from late nights of stroking Micheal's ego.

    Micheal Schumacker - off season chin-enlargement surgury has proved a big boost to his championship chances this year.

    Rubens Barrichello - new "talk" button on steering wheel plays the pre-recorded voice of Jean Todt saying "Your not #2, your not #2", giving Rubens a boost in confidence this season.

    Mercedes-McLaren - Wanted to be more competitive by building a car thats faster than last years development chassis. Unfortunately, Mercedes followed that up by building an engine thats less powerful than my CPU fan.

    Ron Dennis - has taken to blaming Mercedes for their poor engine this year.

    Kimi Raikkonen - has taken to blaming Mercedes for their poor engine this year

    David Coulthard - has taken to blaming Mercedes for his lack of 2 g/fs a weekend.

    Williams-BMW - Sir Franky "Baby" Williams has found his wheelchair turns faster lap times at Magny-Cours than the Walrus. Thoughts of redesigning the FW-26s new nose to resemble other animals has met resistance.

    Patrick Head - dreams of changing his first name to "Richard" and becoming a porn director. At least then his 'crew' would be 'faster'......

    Juan Pablo Montoya - Wife Connie spends countless nights re-assuring Juan Pablo that his decision to join McLaren next year is the best. Connie's friends spend countless nights re-assuring her that Juan Pablo's decision to move to McLaren next year is the absolute worst.

    Ralf Schumacher - calls parents every weekend asking them why his gene's didn't carry the large chin like brother Micheal has.

    Renault - R24 is a step up from last years car. However the team is carrying the weight penalty of Trulli's and Alonso's egos.

    Jarno Trulli - Being that he's taller than his teammate, Trulli finds himself standing in Alonso's shadow no matter where he goes

    Fernando Alonso - Wants to prove last years win in Hungary was skill and not just freak luck on his part

    BAR-Honda - Shed some weight during the off-season. Technicians also took some weight out of the car to make it more competitive.

    David Richards - Despite what news agencies report, his greying hair is not an attempt to copy Jacques Villeneuve's blonde hair.

    Jenson Button - Has found new speed and confidence at the team now that he doesn't have to smell the peroxide of Villynoobs hair.

    Takumo Sato - Has yet to find a life-insurance company that will underwrite his life insurance. Has however signed a lucrative sponsorship deal with the largest wrecked car parts company in Asia.

    Sauber - Unfortunately has spent the bulk of their team's budget on lawyers who have been proving to the FiA that the 2004 Sauber is in fact not last years Ferrari. The rumor of several missing Ferrari chassis from last year nearly sunk the team.

    Giancarlo Fisichella - Is continuing his trend of taking previously mildly succesful F-1 teams and riding them down to the back of the grid

    Felipe Massa - is fustrated by all the flag girls who keep asking him "where is your daddy's car?"

    Jaguar - has set new standards in F-1 in mediocrity. This year they are aiming to be on par with the Jordans, having soundly defeated the Minardi's last year.

    Mark Webber - a bright spot on a team otherwise tainted by the fallout of Nicki Lauda's management.

    Christian Klien - Klien is one of the rookies of this years championship season. The good part is he wont be overpowered in his first year in F-1 by the Cosworth engine.

    Toyota - Throws money into the flame, yet the flame doesn't grow bigger. News of new hires from the CiA means a future boost to Toyota's technical team.

    Cristiano Da Matta - Counts his blessings everyday that he got out of CART just in time.

    Olivier Panis - 10 years in F-1 and 1 win to show for it. Olivier has been asking British driver Johnny Herbert what his secret was to taking more wins in lesser cars.

    Jordan - The yellow honeybees have had more photo shoots of women with cars than Model and Import magazine.

    Eddie Jordan - Is trying hard everyday to model himself after Flavio Briatore. Rumors of Eddie dating women half his age confirms this.

    Nick Heidfeld - Has a poster of Kimi Raikkonen in his room, directly over his dartboard.

    Giorgio Pantano - Signed on to Jordan with the great hopes in his first F-1 season of becoming the first rookie driver to date more women than Coulthard.

    Minardi - 303 races for Minardi. 30 points to show for it. Sadly this is a lower shooting percentage than Shaquille O'Neal at the free-throw line. And things dont look to change anytime soon.

    Gianmaria Bruni - Tired of being an average F-3 driver to become a mediocre F-1 driver. Finds it sad that his former F-3 car was turning better lap times than this years PS-04.

    Zsolt Baumgartner - still gets mad everytime someone pronounces his last name as 'Bum-Gardner'


    Bernie Ecclestone - Is having to make some monetary sacrifices since Ferrari cut their sponsorship of him to only $15 million a year.

    Max Mosely - still changes his mind more often than a traffic light

    balzz - masturbated 4 times using Jacques' hair creme during the first race of the season
     
  2. BoogieKnight

    BoogieKnight Active Member

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    Ferrari > Jesus
     
  3. dmora

    dmora Guest

  4. Mycophiles

    Mycophiles OT Supporter

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    Seriously... since I don't have cable I'd love to download the races. Does anyone know a place I can get good rips of the races online. :wtc: :x: :x: :x: :x: :x: :x:
     
  5. Guido The Penguin

    Guido The Penguin Hi, I'm here for the gang bang.

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    sadly this is true this season. I was kinda hoping Williams would be Judas this season, but that hasn't proven true.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2004
  6. dmora

    dmora Guest

    :mamoru: at Balzzy joke.
     
  7. Mulsanne

    Mulsanne The Man = Funk Fusion Chaos

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    I wouldn't say Ferrari > Jesus...I would say...

    FIA = God
    Ferrari = Jesus
    Judas = Years late because he uses a German Engine.
     
  8. OPTIMO

    OPTIMO New Member

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  9. Scoob_13

    Scoob_13 Anything is possible, but the odds are astronomica

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  10. Scoob_13

    Scoob_13 Anything is possible, but the odds are astronomica

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    Fixed that for you.
     
  11. Guido The Penguin

    Guido The Penguin Hi, I'm here for the gang bang.

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    I thought it was funny. :hs:
     
  12. mrbill

    mrbill New Member

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    if you were a woman, guido, i'd say i love you! as it were, you are my hero!
     
  13. $entenza

    $entenza Saudade, Beco.

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    :rofl: what a load of shite!! but made me LMAO none the less.. :bigthumb:
     
  14. Guido The Penguin

    Guido The Penguin Hi, I'm here for the gang bang.

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    That was the whole point. :kdubb:
     
  15. Section8

    Section8 .

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