Guide to getting jacked forearms :bowdown:

Discussion in 'Fitness & Nutrition' started by LancerV, Dec 4, 2006.

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  1. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Okay Joe,
    Your program looks good but I have to tell you it is a bit “old school.” We are in a new age of forearm training now, and the “old stuff” stuff will not get you the jack you are looking for. There is a better way!
    Now, you need to understand that information like this is what people pay hundreds, no thousands for. Countless hours of research and testing have gone into this “new age” program.
    This Is NO Bullshit
    I have been around the block a few times and have been busting ass in the gym since 1983. Yes, this was long before many “coaches” and “experts” were even born. Hell! While they were in diapers, I was doing wrist curls and hammer curls. Now, they will try to tell you how to do it, but I am here to say they are wrong! Very wrong!
    There is a right way and a wrong way to get the forearm jack, and I know the right way. I know because I have been in search of the forearm jack (FJ) for most of my life. You see, me and the FJ go back a long way. I have tried everything to get it on, but nothing seemed to work.
    Let me say that again. I have tried EVERYTHING!
    Now after years of research, I have discovered the AFJP (amazing forearm jack program).
    Now Joe, I am trusting you with this information because I know your time is short and you have to get the jack on. Normally, we would sit down with our attorneys and iron out a confidentially agreement to program the AFJP. So Joe, I trust you.
    I am also trusting you to not let me down because this program will work for everyone.
    Let me say that again. THIS PROGRAM WILL WORK FOR EVERYONE!
    Before we get into this, let’s define exactly what work means.
    Are you looking for that extra edge to land the hottest babes?
    Are you looking for MAD veins?[​IMG]
    Do you want to look jacked but not do all the work?
    Do you want to look HARD while holding that BUD?
    Do you want to get noticed when you hand your money through the drive through window?
    Do you want bulging muscles?
    Do you want to be regarded as one of the best “strength coaches” in the world?
    If you answered YES to any of these questions, the AFJP is for you.
    Now listen to this...
    “The AFJP program changed my life. I can't believe the amount of ass I am getting. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” —Brian from Harry Balls, MI
    “The AFJP program totally changed my career. Before, no one would listen to me, and I had a hard time getting clients. Now, I have instant credibility and I’m in the process of starting my own AFJP affiliate program. I have also been a featured writer to many of the top online and published strength magazines. If it was not for AFJP, I would still be working in China.” —WO JO Tampon from Bloody Mountain, WY
    Okay Joe, don't take it from me. Listen to them. If you are ready to change your life, then AFJP is for you.
    Okay Joe, let's get started. Before your first session, you will need to get a few ingredients. You will need to get the following**:
    • 1 Big Mac
    • 1 can motor oil
    • 1 wife beater tank top
    • 1 flannel shirt
    • 1 can Skoal
    ** These items will be available soon at AFJP.com.
    Now this program will have to be done every other day for six weeks. Hey! I never said it would be easy. You have to be willing to pay the price for the FJ.[​IMG]
    Are you willing to do what needs to be done? If so, read on.
    At 8:00 am, toss the Big Mac in a blender and make it into a nice paste. While this is blending, rub the motor oil on your forearms.
    Why motor oil? Simple. Mechanics have jacked forearms, and it is because of all the oil they have on their arms all day. This is common sense and something that everyone seems to miss. So oil up, pour your shake paste into a shaker cup, and head to the gym.
    At the gym, your first series will be forearm stretching. Really loosen those babies up. Stretch and bend every way you can. There is no right or wrong pattern—just get loose. Many on the AFJP program have found kneeling hand walks to be great for this. To do this, you kneel in front of the treadmill and walk you hands in the mill at 5 mph.[​IMG]
    After you get warmed up, pop in a huge dip of Skoal. Why? Once again...simple. The nicotine increases circulation to your forearms. It is not proven, but I have it on good authority that Skoal works like Viagra for the forearms. Once again, have you even seen a farmer’s forearms? Skoal baby!
    Your first movement is the dynamic wrist curl. Because the forearms are used with every movement, the dynamic method needs to be utilized with higher repetitions and sets. Based on secret Soviet research, you will need to train a 57.25 percent load for eight sets of 12 reps using four different grip positions.
    After these eight sets, you will need to ice down with a frozen Dixie cup. Make sure to work deep and toward the heart. After five minutes of ice, flip the grip (if you used a forward grip for the last sets, you will use a reverse grip). Alternate each session and perform eight more sets of 12 reps using four grips. After three weeks, you will add chains and bands. This is SSS (super secret stuff) so call me on this one. I can't afford for this stuff to leak out.
    Once again, ice for five minutes and then move onto the next group. For the second group, you will pick one of four movements and work up to a one rep max.
    These include:
    • Partial reverse curl off pins
    • Suspended reverse curls from chains
    • Seated hammer box curls
    • Dumbbell hammer floor curls (You sit and curl the dumbbell from the floor up. This is EXTREMELY intense, and it has been shown with 5”2’, type A blood type, blond, female, Latin Olympic squash players that it may take up to four weeks for the CNS to recover from this one. Just be careful. But I have to tell you this one movement alone can add up to 17.345 percent to your forearm size.)
    The next few movements will include***:
    • One arm cable reverse curls
    • Behind the back wrist curls
    • Super fish curls
    • Batman spreads
    • Humpty dumpties
    • Rockin’ harries
    *** All for two sets of 15 reps.
    When you are done, ice again for five minutes and then sit down! Yes! Sit your ass down! This session is intense, and you WILL need to let your heart rate get back in line. We have seen people RUSHED to the hospital because they did not sit down. Plus, for the next step to be effective, you have to be relaxed and have a normal heart rate reading.
    Your heart rate should drops to normal and by this we are being VERY SPECIFIC. Wear a monitor and make sure you apply this next method at the exact second. If you do not, you will loose 7 percent of it’s effectiveness per second![​IMG]
    YES, seven percent per second!
    When you heart rate hits normal, pull out the Big Mac paste and rub it on your forearms. Rub it in good! Real good. You see cholesterol is a precursor to testosterone. This method is AWESOME for driving testosterone right where we need it. You will need to leave this on for 45 minutes because testosterone levels have been proven to fall off after this time.
    Now this is important. When you go to wash the Mac attack off, you need to use a dry towel. It is extremely important that the motor oil stays on for a full eight hours. Remember, the mechanic works eight hour days. Oh, before I forget, it also helps to start half an hour late a couple times a week and call off one or two sessions per week (keeping with the tradition).
    That’s it! But I will leave you with a few bonus tips that will really make the difference.[​IMG]
    1. Don't train anything else. The smaller everything else is the bigger the forearms will look
    2. For a tease show, wear the flannel shirt but only expose one quarter to one half of the meat mass. This is the same principle Jessica Simpson uses when wearing short shorts. It just makes everyone wonder what the ham hock looks like up yonder…
    3. When you are ready for "The SHOW," bust out the wife beater, go to the pub, and get a BUD! Enjoy this…
    You earned it.
     
  2. cazzone

    cazzone OT Supporter

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    /yourlife faggot
     
  3. michael

    michael FLORIDA > *

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  4. MaineSucks

    MaineSucks OT Supporter

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    shut the fuck up Lancer
     
  5. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Its from Dave Tate :fawk:
     
  6. MaineSucks

    MaineSucks OT Supporter

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    no shit
     
  7. Devil

    Devil I have become my terror. OT Supporter

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    so obviously you need to post it here
     
  8. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Yes because Dave Tate > Most
     
  9. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Because being fat = jacked in your book :fawk: Not to mention what your DL has been stuck for like a yr or something now
     
  10. Jeff Merr

    Jeff Merr Elite Member

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    :rofl: thread backfire
     
  11. MaineSucks

    MaineSucks OT Supporter

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    ibhugeclusterfuck
     
  12. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Crystal Ball? And I try to get internet people to like me :wtf: you must be blind or just really dumb
     
  13. cavefish

    cavefish You ain't a crook son, you just a shook one

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    You don't even deadlift 500, much less have a clue what it takes to get to a 600 and higher deadlift.

    So please eat a bowl of dicks.
     
  14. TZ

    TZ Banned

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    :wtc:
     
  15. KIDRR

    KIDRR Duck dog>* OT Supporter

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    wow strong friends
     
  16. benny196

    benny196 New Member

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    I'm not laughing.
     
  17. TZ

    TZ Banned

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    :wtc:

    The first time I tried to squat I could probably only do 95 pounds when I was 15 or 16. I was 6'2 150 around that time. I can squat around 350-360 now after lifting for a few years on and off, but I am really envious of people who start out *that* strong. :hs:
     
  18. Layne Staley

    Layne Staley New Member

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    :rofl: @ Lancer.
     
  19. Phineas Q Stork

    Phineas Q Stork Active Member

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    :werd: I just kinda skipped over the 400s. Then again, I have no idea where mine is right now
     
  20. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Christophers still hasnt figured it out :rofl:
     
  21. MaineSucks

    MaineSucks OT Supporter

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    dude stop
     
  22. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Hes the only person I ever give shit too. Coincidence maybe?
     
  23. TZ

    TZ Banned

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    Hey now, if he really attempted suicide that is a low blow man :noes:
     
  24. Layne Staley

    Layne Staley New Member

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    :hsugh:
     
  25. Layne Staley

    Layne Staley New Member

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    :h5:
     
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