Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by BCIT, Nov 18, 2008.
Not a "grrrl"( here's a red flag ) but responding anyway.
Is this a situation of just never having an actual relationship? or is it no gf, and still a virgin too?
A bit more in depth to your personal situation in general would help too. There's really not a whole lot to go on with the "no gf" thing, that wouldn't just end up being wild speculation.
sounds like my brother. just got a gf at like 25 and he's prolly gonna marry this ho despite her being crazy controlling because he doesnt know any better
Right now I just want to hear initial impressions.
Maybe they love eachother
I have to chime in and agree, can you give us more of an idea of your background?
Interestingly enough, I too am 23, and have never had a g/f... never really dated much even. In my case, it's mainly because I haven't had much opportunity due to several family situations that have stolen much of my time, health issues that prevent me from being the "spontaneous" sort of guy that girls want to date, and now the fact that my work schedule is hectic enough that about 90% of my free time is spent sleeping to regain energy.
So yeah... once I rid my life of the shit, I think I'll be in a much better position to do something about dating/etc.
Its much the same for me, 22 going on 23 and never so much as held a girls hand in my life (romantically). I attribute it to being ugly and having and poor social skills, when people around me find out about my lack of experience, none are surprised so it seems to be pretty obvious as to why this is the case.
My point is the following, asking people online whilst giving them little information is of no use at all, ask those around you who have both seen you and interacted with you, their reactions will have more significance.
I think the more important thing is: What do YOU think of yourself? Cause for the most part, I don't really care that much about people anymore.
if you're a virgin too then i'd be pretty
if you're not a virgin then i'd just assume you're commitment-phobic
well for one thing, at this age (i'm 22) i wouldn't want to date a virgin. i have no interest in teaching a guy how to have sex and easing him into it at this point in my life.
if a guy is 23 and hasn't had sex, it makes me assume there's something wrong with him, like he's gonna have some weird hangups about sex. that happens with people who wait a long time to lose their virginity whether they're male or female.
note that none of this applies to people who CHOOSE to remain virgins (until marriage or whatever). i'm talking about guys who have been trying for their whole lives and just failing.
Honestly? I'm going to think there's something very wrong with you, unless you have some really great story as to why.
well that makes sense to me... i think it's a major turn off if a guy has low self-confidence so i can see how other women might reject him (or for the guy to preemptively reject himself, i.e. not try). i do think it's easy for ANY guy to pick up a girl with low self-confidence, but the fact that you haven't makes me think that maybe you have standards, which is a good thing.
and i don't "want the guy in control because that's what society says". sometimes i want the guy to be in control, sometimes i want to be in control. sometimes i want neither of us to be in control. but the point is i want a guy who is experienced and not awkward in bed. it's like anything else: practice makes perfect.
Mine was simple, really shy and I never really tried/cared to date.
well it would be stupid of me to say that society plays no role whatsoever in the forming of my opinions, but i do usually try to find things out for myself and make informed judgments. societal norms say that a guy of our age should be experienced in sex. when i was in high school/early college i was certainly not expecting every guy to be a god in bed. but, once i had been with a few guys who obviously didn't know what they were doing (and wanted help) i just realized that sex between two people who know what they're doing is just better, and i wasn't going to settle for teaching some dude how to get to my level.
in america, i would say high school or college. i think after college the range gets all screwed up because it is MUCH harder to find someone to casually date. who am i to say whether anything after that is "abnormal"? all i can really comment on is how i would interpret it, which i already said.
that's entirely possible, and if i really thought the guy was someone that i could spend a LONG time with, i would be willing to work on the sex thing with him. if it was just a casual dating situation, no way.
i would think it was weird until given the reason why
you are still young, it shouldn't be that much of an issue. my roommate lost her virginity when she was 21, and she is still dating the guy
many women may find it sweet, especially if they are a little inexperienced. it can be fun for two inexperienced people to learn how to have fun with sex together. just don't make a big deal about it, make it clear that you want a healthy relationship, including sex, but that you're not gonna have some weird hangups about it
This is far more common that the sheltered majority ever suspect. Some people just aren't attractive, either physically or mentally. Some people get too busy to have a social life.
don't tell anyone and find a slut for that first horrible round, at least my advice lol
Sorry to quote you specifically, but this is something that has always confused me. People who lack confidence obviously have issues with certain aspects of life, they have areas in which they doubt their "performance" will meet expected norms. What I have trouble understanding is why people are repelled by those who lack confidence, and why its considered to be a turnoff (not sure if this can have different meanings but I usually interpret it sexually).
If anything, those who are openly uncertain of themselves in certain areas show humility and more than likely that they are honest people. I suppose it depends what one's definition of self confidence is.
You are only asking because you are insecure and feel there is something wrong with it. Who cares what women think about that? You definately shouldn't care.
It is never to late to start working on your inner game and to learn to communicate with women.
A 23 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend probably doesn't talk to many girls and probably doesn't know how. He is also probably very insecure. Working on your inner game will help fix the insecurity, which will allow you to learn how to be comfortable when communicating with women.
i would imagine its because you haven't been "preselected" by someone else. even if someone is interested in you, they'll wonder why no one else has since you've never been partnered or had sex before. a lot of what we find attractive is what we think other people find attractive, so if no one else has found you attractive before then
like when guys date overweight girls that they're genuinely attracted to but hide the girl from their friends.
the answer to that is the whole idea of "how can anyone else love you if you don't even love yourself". if someone doesn't even have enough confidence to LIKE themself, why should i like them?
i haven't found that insecure people are more humble or honest at ALL. if anything, they are more dishonest because they try to hide aspects of themselves that they don't like. there is a big difference between insecurity and modesty. they also are more uncomfortable to be around because they are usually very obviously uncomfortable with themselves. some of them even make fun of others to make themselves feel better or constantly fish for compliments. both are really annoying.
I would assume that he's one of the following: shy, anti-social, afraid of commitments, unattractive, or homosexual.
That is, until he explained the reason why he's never had one.
i've had a few virgins, its not bad. like starting with a clean slate. with every one you're with you're going to show them what you like, try new things, virgins aren't much different
some of the best guys i've been with learn their stuff from porn
I agree with you that there are those who deal with their insecurities as you have described ( insulting others in order to feel better about themselves, over compensated false confidence etc ) but I believe it is wrong to think a lack of confidence implies this sort of behavior and thus to claim that a lack of confidence itself is a problem.
I know of many people who openly and honestly acknowledge their problems/insecurities/inabilities without any resulting "negative" habits.
I will agree with you that when confronted with whatever it is that makes them insecure, if they aren't the kind you've mentioned, then they will most likely withdraw and won't be as fun to be around.
I maintain that "low self confidence" has a stigma I don't think it deserves but as with most things, people disagree because they have different concepts behind the terms they employ.
Sorry for the edit,
to address the magic phrase "how can anyone else love you if you don't even love yourself" thrown around quite frequently, why does a person having problems with aspects of their life imply that another would find the same faults in them ?
People with low confidence aren't always miserable either.