SRS Growing up without role models

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Cerridwen, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Is it possible to become a decent person if you never had any decent role models in your life? I was just thinking today that I never truly had any stable adults in my life and was wondering how do I know if what I am doing (parenting/marriage) is right if I never truly saw anyone make it?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2005
  2. John Blaze

    John Blaze New Member

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    I hope so:rolleyes:
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Yes everyone is 'tuned' into a certain way , i know families where everyone loved to shoot ,hunt and kill but there was one who absolutely resented it and couldn't seem to find any joy in the role models his parents exposed to him. You know a bunch of teens resent and rebel exactly to what their parents are, so opposite people coming out of parenting in a completely different way.
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Serious answers only please. You're not in OffTopic (mainforum)
     
  5. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    But that's not exactly what I am talking about.
    How do you know what to do if you never had proper role models? I've never seen a marriage (within my family extended or immediate) work out. I can only take from that the negatives on what not to do. There isn't any 'positive reinforcement' (wrong term I know) for me to look at to say this is what works etc. Does that make sense?
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Yes it makes perfect sense , for example if you see children on the street without parents (sister with little brother) , they walk the streets from place to place to beg for food. Trial and error. So if you are totally in the blue of how a marriage should consist you should start asking people who are married. I mean your unawareness basically answers your question namely ' you don't know how, and what you do will look silly and unexperienced' by trial and error you will get to know what your marriage should exist from, namely love, trust, giving and taking, and complaining when things go wrong.
     
  7. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :o I've been married for close to 6 years now. Everything we have done has been trial and error, basicaly finding what works for us. I realize that what works for other people might not work for us and vice versa, but it WOULD be nice to at least have some close couples around us who haven't given up on their own marriages. Like,if that is all we have seen is that what we will become?
     
  8. John Blaze

    John Blaze New Member

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    That was a serious answer. Can a person be "decent" growing up without a role model is almost an insult to those of us who don't have role models.

    I think some of the best people don't follow others examples but instead seek out their own.
     
  9. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Yes, it makes sense, but what you need to think about is that you DO have a role model. In fact, you should spend a lot more time asking yourself "What can I learn from these folks?"

    Things like:

    They fight all the time. Wife flies off the handle over nothing. Hm, maybe I need to set my standards high enough so that when I start dating a woman she does NOT do that.

    Dad is a workaholic, never home, avoids the family. Hm, maybe I should think about WHY he does that. Oh, I know, because when he comes home the house is a disaster area and the kids (me!) never help around the house. Well, at the same time this is his fault for not applying more strict rules to the kids and they get away with murder. When I have kids, I will be sure to setup rules and make sure the are enforced so everyone chips in.

    Mom drinks all the time. Hm, maybe I won't marry a woman who drinks all the time - or at least heavily - because I can see where this leads to.

    Why do I bring this up? Well, because this is what I like to think of a lot of people:

    [​IMG]

    What can you LEARN from people, from their mistakes, what they are doing wrong? I know lots of people who grow up with crazy parents, families, etc., and they just try hard not to make the same mistakes their parents did. Of course, we usually just make OTHER mistakes, but that is human.

    If you want role models, consider picking up biographies of famous people, see how they lived, learn what they know. I do that frequently and it has made a huge difference.

    The the record, my family life was one of isolation. Very little communication, no learning, nothing, which made my life hell until I started learning on my own.

    Good luck!
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Oh, and as far as "making it" I think I have. I've got two Great Danes, a 23 year old GF, a brand new 2006 STi, and a job that pays almost $100k a year, AND I flunked math in high school and only got a 2.something GPA in college. I'm a tall, skinny, average looking redhead (yuck) who never had any luck with women, but met the most amazing woman (I actually proposed to her last night). As far as I am concerned, life is great.

    When life gives you lemons.... make lemonaid? ;)
     

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