SRS Grandpa passed away

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by floydwall888, Sep 18, 2008.

  1. floydwall888

    floydwall888 New Member

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    New to this side of OT so forgive me if this topic doesn't fit.

    I got a call Tuesday morning around 2:15AM from my dad, still being a bit asleep it took awhile to comprehended what he was saying but I got it after a few moment - "Your grandpa shot himself last night".

    The first thing that went through my mind was wait, I don't have a grandpa that would do something like that. I guess that's the reason for the post. I'll be totally honest me and my grandpa did not have the best relationship. I practically grew up at the gparents house as a kid but when I was 13 or so some things happened in the family and the last time, before about 4 months ago, that I had heard from him was when he said "I don't ever want to see you again."

    My aunt passed away a little over 6 months ago and that somewhat brought the family back together. My mom tried so hard to get me and my grandpa back on at least talking terms, which we did. It was an ackward ordeal though, but I did it for my mom. I knew what it meant to her for all of us to be close, especially with her parents getting up there in the years. Long story short we had another falling out - my grandma got sick and while in the hospital my parents were taking care of their finances, which had gone to total shit over the past 10 years, and they claimed my parents were stealing money from them. I didn't take this kindly. We had bought them a golf cart and some various other things (cell phone, cheap car, misc) so that they could get around the farm and back and forth in to town. I had had enough of this BS from them, I went out to the house and took it all back. My dad had mentioned doing this but didn't want to upset my mom - at this point I didn't care. I did leave the phone since they had to get the land line shut off. My grandpa flipped out, called my dad and told him to "Fuck off". My dad returned the gesture. They were not at the home at the time I took the things back so they figured it was my dad who took it - I told my dad I would go out and tell them but he told me not to worry about it.

    Kind of skipping around here but just wanted to get this stuff out - I don't want to tell anyone the way he died. To be honest, most of the people I would tell would call me a liar. I mean, my grandpa was one of those up at dawn back breaking mother fuckers. Ran his own HVAC company for 45+ years. If there was one man in my life that I could never see turning the barrel on himself, it would have been my grandpa. But, he did. I feel horrible for my mom, she was really hoping we had at least a few years left even with their deteriorating health to make amends. On the other hand I have a lot of anger towards him for what he did. I guess no one will ever know what was going through his head between those 10 minutes my grandma went to take a bath and he walked outside to get the rifle...

    thanks for listening :hs:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    *i don't know your current perspective on your grandpa, but would at least want to give you my sincere condoleances for his passing away*

    This vendetta inside of your family isn't good at all, you guys are holding all these things against eachother. That being said there's a lot of things that have got to change inside of your family.


    I want to talk to you, you see people can be psychically extremely tough, but you guys have been killing eachother spiritually. If a stranger calls you a dickhead or loser, then you can wipe it off as 'who cares what this smuck says' , but if your father would call you the same 'loser' it counts much more in terms of emotional damage because its a 'loved one' who is saying it.

    And this is why your grandpa has been taking it so hard emotionally. I mean look at the situation , his finances were gone to shit, his relationship with his son has gone to shit, and his grandson also had a fall-out with him. No matter how strong you are physically this is nothing less then a spiritual death penalty.

    This whole situation must have been eating him alive (mentally speaking) for quite a long while now. You know most likely he's to blame for it for quite a big deal if not all for making the situation so sour for all of his children and grandchildren.

    You know you guys are more of the eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth kind of people. But honestly you aren't helping by putting oil on the fire , nor was your dad by returning the gesture of 'fuck off', but again the reality of the whole situation was that your grandpa should have been nicer in the first place.

    I know what it is to be accused of stealing when you haven't stolen anything. It makes you feel miserable to the core and in disbelief.

    You know, you shouldn't take old people so seriously either, you already disliking your grandpa didn't improve the situation rather worsened it. Older people become senile and repetative, they lose their control on their world, which is why they rely on family members or institutions to take care of them. This is why your grandpa flipped so bad when you took his gifts away.

    My advice:

    I would like you to read the bible, not so much to believe in God, but to read about how you can improve your human intereaction with your family members. You know in my family the whole 'fuck off' between grandpa and son would be unheard off. Because we always try to be nice to eachother, we know life is hard, which is exactly the reason why we don't make it extra hard on our family members. We try to bring joy in their lives, and try to be nice to them. And if a situation would occur like that where a family member is terrible, we simply keep our distance but keep staying nice in the knowledge that that person must be going thru a rough time, then slowly try to guide and talk them back into a cozy situation and where they say sorry for what they did.

    I know that can be extremely hard tho, i mean you had your valid reasons to be angry, so did your dad. But you have to seed positivity if you want to harvest good things, bringing negativity to your family members will make the fire and fighting and nasty stuff only bigger. You can't fight evil with evil, you can only fight evil with love.

    Next to that i want you and your whole family to do something extremely important, namely to forgive your grandpa for what he has done. (im serious) it would be best to put 'we forgive you grandpa' on his tombstone so that his spirit can rest in peace. Spirits that have commited suicide are bounded to the negative consequenses of their actions, which translates that they are bounded to the sadness and misery that their act of suicide has brought upon you and your family. Only by forgiving him for what he has done can he be set free.

    I know what it is to have this kind of 'black hole' type of family. But reality is that life is what you make of it, this kind of sadness was extremely uneccessary but really is caused if you ask me by the 'type' of personality that your grandpa is. I don't think he was a man who could be easily changed in the perspectives that he had, or in the way how he sees things.

    I hope i didn't upset you with the more 'spiritual' things i've been saying ,but i tried to help you with my heart and in the way how i see things.

    Rest assured we are here for you, and have listened to your story. :hug:
     
  3. floydwall888

    floydwall888 New Member

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    I appreciate the reply Dark.

    Just to clear one thing up though - this was my moms father, not my dads.

    I think we, my family, all have this stubbornest that lead to such a rocky relationship but in his growing age it definitely did get much worse. We're all to blame for letting it go on for so long but it seemed there was no way to even start to resolve all the problems we had. It's hard to even think about "forgiving" him at this point because honestly, I didn't know the man who pulled that trigger. Part of me wishes I could feel different, that I could care or feel more towards him, but I can't. I just feel for my mom and am so sorry that she couldn't have had some closure out of everything.

    Again, I really appreciate you listening an taking the time to respond with kind words. Thank you.
     
  4. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    My Grandfather died when I was in my early 20's.
    He spent the last 6 years of his life fighting lung cancer.
    As I remember it (I am 34) he had the lung cancer really bad for like the first 3 years, they took a lung from him, he went into remission (he quit smoking at the extreme beginning of this) and was in remission for maybe 18 months.
    Then it came back with a vengence.
    He took up drinking. Things got bad. He got bad. It was hard to see him drinking heavily. When he drank he could get nasty, especially with my Grandma.
    Those last two years were pretty dreadful.
    Then he got all skinny and beadridden.

    I remember quite clearly that when he finally died my biggest fear was, 'How am I going to remember this man?'.

    I worried about it to such an extent that I refused to look in the coffin. I was afraid that the last image I had of him would be whatever the undertakers had made him out to look like.

    All these years later, when I think of him, I remember him for what he was before the cancer ate him up.

    My friend, you remember the good times. The bad times, it takes some time, but they pass.

    And all that shit that went on between you and him, you have to let it go. You have to let it pass.
    You know, if you haven't gone to the funeral yet, you could try writing a letter to him and leaving it in his casket.
     
  5. floydwall888

    floydwall888 New Member

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    You got me holdin' back some water works stiglar.

    You make a very good point. It's going to be hard because it feels like I've only had a grandpa for 13 years, not 22. I'm really going to take in to consideration writing a note to him. I know neither of us really knew how the other felt, I mean really seriously felt.

    Thank you
     

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