SRS Grandma just died, I just moved.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by LudaMan, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

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    Last week, I moved in with my buddy in Arkansas for a school/finding myself opportunity. My grandma had been sick for a while, but was acting like she was going to get through it. I made sure to visit a couple times before I left. A couple days ago, my cousin called me saying Grandma's cancer had spread from her lungs to her bones, which was why she was in pain. All I could think about the past two days was how guilty I felt for moving here. I got a call this morning from Dad saying Grandma passed away this morning. It was peaceful, thank God.

    I don't know why, but I just feel so fucking guilty for leaving earlier than I originally planned. I really wanted to be there when she actually passed, and I was Grandmas favorite grandkid. I don't know why I'm typing this, just trying to get it off my chest I suppose.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Look man you have your own life, and i am sure your grandma understands that. You see life around her goes on even while she was sick, and i am sure that she wouldn't want the entire world to be put on a halt and inconvienance in a persistant standby just because of her disease. You need to let it slide let it slip, your not to blame that your grandma died. Even if you where there , there's nothing you could have done to prevent it.

    I know from your heart that you love her, and that is what truelly matters and that's something she understands for sure. She loves you too, and in that thought you must love eachother. You have to understand that there are things in life that are not in your control aka disasters,earthquakes,hurricanes nor cancer, and no matter how high or how low you jump it doesn't prevent these things from happening. Therefore you shouldn't be so hard on yourself when a 'disaster' like this occurs that you couldn't have prevented, for all you knew she might have lived another 8 months or maby even 8 years, i mean are you going to wait till I die?, its proposterous, no one expects you to sit in anxious expectation next besides of your grandmother until she dies. That kind of stuff only happens when they know she'll be dying half a day or a few days in advance. Based on the information that you received at the time there were reasons to believe she would have pulled thru, everyone needs time to get their daily things done. Especially when your moving there's a lot of things involved, postponing the movement would not be a good thing either. Your not a criminal you didn't do anything wrong, and in hindsight there's always 'oh i should have done this and i should have done that', but that's until you get that vital piece of information.

    No one knowing in advance that a car is going to get a serious accident would step into it, people crash because they don't know. This is that same vital piece of information that was out of your control, and therefore its not your fault, please your grandma wouldn't like to see that you would be blaming yourself over this, so instead of grieving in dying blame at yourself, please start living for your grandma instead. I know she would rather see that.

    My sincere condoleances. :hug:
     
  3. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

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    Thanks for the kind words, I know it's a crazy notion, but I just felt guilty. I just wish I coulda been there when she passed. I'm doing a speech at the funeral, which I'm nervous as hell about, but she wanted it.

    Thanks again. :hs:
     
  4. Eosdigital

    Eosdigital New Member

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    You can be really proud of yourself you spoke in front of everyone as she wanted. The important thing is that your grandma probably knew how important she is to you, and you know how important you were for her. :)
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I agree with Dark, your actions didn't cause nor did they hasten her death. Had you been there you could not have prevented her death.

    I'm a firm believer that things happen the way they happen for a reason and perhaps it was best that you weren't there. Had you known she was going to pass away, I'm sure you would have been there in a heartbeat....and it's highly likely that your grandma knew that also.

    NOBODY can predict the future and let me tell you from first hand experience, those voices that say you should have known are bullshit. Noone can know what will ever happen with certainty.

    She passed away knowing that you loved her. She also knew that you knew that she loved you. This is the best any of us can do. You were lucky to spend time with her while she was alive and you know...that's really a great thing.

    I would suggest that you try to remember her for how she lived her life not what you were doing when she passed. I would also suggest she wouldn't want you beating yourself up over something you could not have possibly known would occur.

    My condolences on your loss.
     
  6. Mcgovlau

    Mcgovlau Лоз Боз

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    I'm sorry for your loss. Don't feel the guilt upon your shoulders. Your grandma wouldn't want you to feel this way. It's not greedy to have done something for yourself and your life. Everyone has to do things for themselves sometimes.
     
  7. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

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    Thanks guys, Mom told me the same thing. I appreciate the posts.
     

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