SRS gotta vent...long post

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by IMJ, Jan 14, 2005.

  1. IMJ

    IMJ The Bitch

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    [Disclaimer: OTer wishes to remain totally anonymus and asked that I post this in here for them.]

    Im in college and i have my career in motion. Everything in life is just fine except for what happened.

    I met her in May of 03 and it was an instant click....we quickly became very good friends and spent alot of time together. She became my best friend and used to help me through everything, she was always there for me. She lives with just her mom n her mom even took well to me, as did her sister. When we were just friends, i used to hook her up with ppl i thought would be good for her, but none of that worked out too well. I have always been interested in just seeing her happy, without any problems in her life.

    Sept of 03 came around and she started hanging out with this one girl....shes loud, immature, has major problems with fidelity and will do just about anything for attention from others. She has had problems with a cocaine addiction and alcholism. When she started hanging out with this girl (we'll call her michelle), she stopped going to class, started ignoring ppl and even stopped caring about what problems started to arise with her mom. She started hanging out with michelle instead of doing what she had to do with her life. I even noticed myself starting to distance myself from her as i saw the pattern shift in her. Michelle herself has never even completed a single semester of high school successfully.

    Jacky started to screw up everything in her life, so she decided it was time for her to go to FL to go live with her dad. She packs up n leaves, i say goodbye to her n wish her the best. I kept in contact with her n spoke to her every few days for a few minutes. About 3 weeks later was a period in time were i didnt speak to her for a week. I get a phone call from one of my friends saying that shes back home, she was spotted not too far from a pool hall. I then recieve a call from jacky asking me to come visit her, so i accept.

    Jacky was going to stay again but live with michelle and do her class stuff by herself. Now this didnt work out too well, jackys mother was flipping and pulled her back home. Jackys mom was willing to help her with all her school stuff etc etc and was interested in keeping her home. This was all undermined through another confrontation between jacky and her mother, jacky decides that shes going to go back to FL to live with her dad n do w/e there. I asked her to really reconsider it b4 she left agian, but she didnt. So jacky leaves again.

    During the time jacky is gone, i actually hung out with michelle for some weird reason, but it only reinforced how much more immature and irresponsible she was. I cant remember the reasoning why, but we actually got into a heated argument and i decided it was time to just cut ties to michelle, she was unneccessary and undesirable stress.

    Whie jacky is gone again, we speak on the phone randomly. We get into deep convos at night time last 4-5 hours at a time. I always had a feeling for her, but i was never going to reveal it for her as i felt it was always going to be the wrong time and i was very scared to loose my best friend. She reveals to me just b4 thanksgiving that she had a deep feeling for me, i accepted it, didnt push her away but didnt really say much about it. We continue our long distance friendship, each day speaking for hours. She isnt doing really much down there, she nvr started her school stuff n was working w/o pay @ her dads place. She has a change of heart and says she wants to come home.

    Just b4 xmas of 03 she comes home and suprises us all. She comes to visit me first though, she didnt tell ne1 else she was home except for me. We hung out solidly for 48 hours n she goes home. Now when michelle finds out about her being home, she starts passing rumors around about how it was me who now wanted to "steal" jacky n that we were going to basically move in together n cut ourselves off from every1 else. Why? To infuriate ppl @ me n also get jackys mom to dislike me, which works.

    Jacky + I spent xmas together n spent alotta time with each other again, just like how it always was, but we started a committed relationship. New years came around n michelle is now with this guy (mike). Mikes ur basic standup good guy, a little inexperienced with women, but a good guy. All 4 of us spent new years eve 2gether and michelle explains to me hows shes had a major change of heart and doesnt want the BS ne more blah blah (so i would leave her alone about her immaturity). I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt n accept it.

    2-4 weeks later, michelle is alreayd cheating on mike with his 2 best friends, blowin coke in a bathroom with one of em among other stuff. I decided she just wasnt worth my time, so i mentally cutoff michelle. mike gets burned and leaves. Jacky decides something similar, n michelle is left up to her own life and choices.

    Turns out michelle continues her downward spiral of drugs n causin problems with other ppl n not caring for her own life. Her mother finally take control and has her sent to FL for rehab in march/april of '03.

    Now i have an ex gf from when i was 16 (vicky). Me n vicky were together for 3 weeks b4 we split up. Now vicky n i actually stayed good friends thru all the years; i have no sister, she is the closest thing i have ever had to a sister. Vicky has no problem with telling me everything str8 up, she hides nothing and lets me really know the truth about everything, as much as it can hurt me. Vicky has nvr lied to me etc etc etc. Now jacky had met vicky back in aug of 03 but nvr really had much to say about her...until maybe feb of 03....Also in feb of 03 jacky stated that we shouldnt go hangout with ppl of the opposite sex unless the other is around; i accepted it n didnt make a big deal about it. Jacky would get very touchy anytime vicky was mentioned and wouldnt really wanna hear about her. One thing every1 has to understand is that vicky n i were together for 3 weeks 6 yrz ago....we have changed so much as ppl since then. Never once have vicky n i ever expressed a desire to be with each other again and/or friends with benefits crap. Since then we have had many relationships with diff ppl. On top of everything, even if I did manage to catch feelings for Vicky (which wont happen). There is a MAJOR unchangeable, permenant life/physical factor about her that prevents us from getting together. I would say what it is, but its not my place to spread her biz out; I never even told jacky what it is.

    march ~> end of august 04 was bliss, nothing bad happened @ all really. One day i came home early from work n went to suprise jacky...she opens the door n is like...hey..ur gunna hate me. im like...y...she reveals to me that michelle is back home now and is in her house. im like...ok. Michelle gives me another line of BS about how shes changed rehab this rehab that n how her life is back in order n how shes gunna go to HS n finish it, blah blah. Im a little upset at the fact that jacky hid it from me, but i was just like w/e. About a week later, its pouring rain out n jackys at work; i wasnt even supposed to see her that day, but i felt bad about the rain, so i went to get her from work to take her home. Jackys got her lil overnite bag with her, so i asked her were she was last night (she told me @ 11pm the previous night that she was going to bed n shed talk to me in the morn). She admitted she slept over @ michelles house. im like ok...another hidden thing.

    Now i made the mistake of following suite; i hung out with vicky one night when my friend was starting to see this one chick. It was more a matter of convenience to be honest, vicky lived close to the pool hall we were going to n i didnt wanna b a third wheel (jacky couldnt make it that night). Being the honest ahole that i am, i told jacky this later that night. Since then, she has held it against me in the worst way.

    1 week later my car fries itself...im outta a ride. The times i do see jacky, we're starting to slowly pick away @ each other. We start arguing about stupid little things. The problems start to amount...jackys + her mom find out theyre getting evicted from their place (by her extended family). We start arguing even more (we never used to argue). Jacky starts to distance herself from me; she doesnt wanna see me in the afternoons anymore, we stop speaking @ night. I try my absolute best to tend to her problems n help her with them like i always did; but she resents it n starts getting mad @ me when i do. During a day where we did see each other, we ended up taking a break (what a disaster of an idea that was). It lasted 1 week b4 we ended up 2gether again. The problems got worse though and she broke up with me one night cause she felt i was being too intensive on trying to help her....mistake made of still speaking to her on the phone every few days though.

    She had made a new friend (rob). Her n rob r now constantly hangin out with each other, robs SO has recently left him (they were long term). On weekends theyre out till late @ night 2gether. Even worse, rob n michelle get along pretty well. I had already began to call michelles bluff on straigtening herself out. Michelle is now hangin out with jacky @ any chance she can get, im getting shoved outta the picture. Anyway, i make the mistake of hanging out with her to help her do stuff for her mom. She sits there on the nextel talking to rob. I hear enuff really to turn my stomach, convos ending with "ttyl baby" etc etc. I basically step away n want nothing to do with her ne more. I leave a goodbye letter n stop answering phone calls from her. It works for a few days until she got me on a blocked #. She talks me into going to see her to talk to her. I end up seeing her....now rob has gotten his ex preg. im sittin in her room while shes on her 2way with him n hes like i dont think it would work out between us etc etc. she denies he said that to this day, but im not deaf.

    somehow or other we work things out to the point where we're hangin out again. Her phone now rings every 30 minutes from some guy n is always talkin on it, etc etc. im just like w/e, i dont my best to ignore it.

    Xmas 04 came, which was quite pleasent, we had a good time. The next week we hang out here n there. New years comes round; we're together in my house with 2 other friends (guy/girl). Theyre together, but have probs of their own. So im there drinkin n whatnot n I made the mistake of asking her about her experience with rob n if they were ever together, she said they were just talking (but she swore b4 that they weren’t n that all they ever wanted was friendship). She said something aobut that she was n I flipped out (10 minutes b4 the ball drops). We argue thru the start of the new year but r save d by my boys girl…she even manages to patch things up between me n jacky n get us back together.

    The next week is ok…up until Friday, jacky has to go visit fam that night so I go take a long drive n just think about everything. I think way too much n start wondering about who the ppl r that r callin her. I end up goin to my boys house n drink heavily n go home. When I get home I go online n jackys on, I got very insecure n express myself very poorly to her. I go to bed n wake the next day n call her. She sends my call str8 to voice mail, I leave her a message saying sry for the previous night n that I just needed space for the one day to collect my thoughts n calm down. She ends up speaking to Vicky n tells her that I dumped her. I speak to jacky n she says what she said to Vicky was true, I told her what I really had meant. She says ok and that we’d speak on tues. I told her I couldn’t wait till then so she agrees Monday is good.

    This day was really not good for anything, her best friend (ricky) comes back from FL after a year. I had made the mistake in jan 03 of telling her not to go say bye to him when he was leaving…yes my own fault but what can I do now. Ricky since then has thought not the best things about me…I don’t think ne thing bad about him, hes been her friend since she was 8 or 9 or so. I know he cares for her. So they go hang out etc etc…that night jacky ricky n michelle hang out n drink till 4am. One of my friends calls me n tells me this n im just like…ok. So Sunday comes, I call up my boys girl (the one who helped us on new years eve) n Vicky. We all meet up n grab pizza n Vicky n her talk to me about the whole situation. When we had begun our convo, I didn’t have an intention of really pursuing the relationship with jacky; Vicky and my boys girl both put everything into perspective and showed me how it could actually be fixed. I thanked them and went home.

    Monday rolls around, work comes n goes…im going home and I call jacky like planned. Jacky tells me she knows I was with Vicky n the other girl the night b4 and is extremely angry about it. She says shes @ home n needs time to relax and calm down, she says to come to her house @ 6pm instead. 5:30 comes n she calls to say shes @ home n still angry n to hold it off till tomorrow. I say ok (I have no choice). I get a call a couple hours later telling me that jacky, ricky n michelle r out together. Im like…wtf more lies. I call up jacky n tell her that we should just forget the whole convo idea. She starts getting angry on the phone n starts sayin some really mean stuff down it, she basically says its all over. I say ok n said I wanted to give her stuff back. We agreed to meet @ 10pm alone.

    10pm rolls around n I show up n give her her stuff back. We ended up speaking for 30 mins or so about everything. We had a mutual breakup and agreed that it was a bad time for everything. However when she was about to leave, shes like I can have Vicky n just lead on my own life etc etc. I tried to explain to her my only major problem ever was michelle (who by the way started drinking again, dropped outta school AGAIN n cheating on her Bfs). I dunno why but michelle is this girls Achilles heel, she just cant let her go. Since michelle came back in aug, jacky started to lie, hide things, started missing random days of class, stopped communicating with me, stopped being my friend (we never let our friendship go even though we were together). I have told jacky many times that one day shes just gunna get fucked over by michelle just like all of her other friends did (she cant hold friends for more than a year or two). She thought that ricky was a major problem to me, I explained to her that if I lost her to ne1 I would want it to be him cause I know hed unconditionally take care of her (I know he would, I wouldn’t be happy to lose her, but at least I know shed be ok). I asked her if this is how its gunna end, over other ppls influence in our lives (vickys influence of insecurity on jacky n michelles influence of insecurity on me). She basically said yea…n this is how it all ended. I told her as she was leaving thank u for the best time of my life (it honestly was) n to always look forwards to the future.

    This isn’t something asking for advice or this or that..just needed to type it all out n get it outta me. I know what has happened has happened for the best…if we stayed around each other ne more, we woulda hated each other. Its time for me to start thinking about myself and further myself in life. Thank u if u actually read all of this.

    Cliffs: there are none.
     
  2. IMJ

    IMJ The Bitch

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    i just read all of that.
    i hope you move on. :)
     
  3. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

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    Everything you went through, with all of that assorted drama, will make you a stronger person in the future. As hard/weird as it all might be now, just give yourself time to clear your head of everything, and you'll come out fine. :hs: :love:
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Holy crap that was long. Since you don't want advice, I'll offer none, other than to comment that it's great you already know it's best to focus in on your own life and your own future.

    Maybe in a few years you'll run into them again, this time with a really great girl on your arm, and you'll be like..oh THEM..yeah, we used to hang out.

    Cept you're in the 7-11 paying for gas, and Michelle's behind the counter. She hands you your change and you wave bye bye and wish her best of luck, and go on your way.
     
  5. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    :mamoru:
     

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