Got the friend talk ...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Riconosuave, Apr 9, 2006.

  1. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    A woman I hang out with gave me the your a good friend bull crap. We're definitely both physically attracted to each other, and she's someone who hangs out with a lot of other guys and likes to have a good time. What I can't understand is how she'll put out for some loser, pathetic guys, yet not with me. Throwing up crap like how our friendship means so much more to her than the brief amout of time she spends hooking it up with other guys :rolleyes: A slap in the face would have sufficed. It's not like I want a relationship; just want to have some fun. I feel used, in a bad way :Owned: Going to distance myself from the situation, and may think about hooking it up with her roommate just to be a dick.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2006
  2. Tiberium

    Tiberium Active Member

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    hook up with her room mate
     
  3. keleko

    keleko yes, he is

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  4. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Well at least her roomate deserves that, right? The girl isn't attracted to you that way. That doesn't mean that you aren't cute or whatever there just may be no sparks or chemistry that way. I have gorgeous friends that I didn't have feelings for that way. I never wanted to hurt them but it wouldn't do anyone any good to be with them if I didn't share the feelings. Would you rather she dated you out of pity because she didn't want to hurt you?

    Yeah it sucks. It hurts but there's no reason to be an immature asshole about it. Get over it. Move on... Don't talk to the girl anymore if it hurts that bad but don't be a dick to someone who has nothing to do with it.

    Edit: And realistically, that's obviously not going to get back at her anyways because she doesn't have those feelings for you. Why would she care if you slept with someone else. :dunno: All that is going to happen in doing that is that you are going to look pathetic. She's not going to be hurt by it, she's not going to get pissed... but she will clearly know you are doing it just to try and get that rise. It's not going to bother her.

    In the mean time you've just opened a can of worms with some chick you aren't even interested in and you are hurting her in the process. Get over it...
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2006
  5. scribblec

    scribblec New Member

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  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Which thread are you in? In this thread, the guy posting states that he wanted a good time, no dating necessary, and that the two of them are both physically attracted to each other.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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  8. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Yeah, you will totally fuck up her relationship w/ her roommate. And while you may be pissed at the chick, her roommate did nothing wrong...so don't be a dick to HER.
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i guess you're right, but i still think it would be more satisfying than doing nothing in the long run
     
  10. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Probably would...but do something to get to the person who DID it. I've been the roommate that got fucked over before. It's not cool. Find another way if you have to stick it to her :hs:
     
  11. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    I hear you loud and clear. It'll no doubt cause more problems, and I'll have to stop hanging out with all of them. Don't really want to have to deal with all that. I never said anything about dating or wanting a relationship. It's not a secret that this woman likes to hook up with guys. I know she is attracted to me, so it shouldn't even be a problem. I'm not hurt by it, b/c there are other women. I just can't understand the reasoning behind it all.
     
  12. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    The reasoning is that you haven't acted like a dominate man around her, and instead you probably thought, as most guys do, that listening to her problems and giving her advice will make her like you or come around to you.

    If you don't care that much, and you want sex, hook up with her roommate. You and this girl are just "friends" as she says, so it shouldn't matter to her. Of course it really will, but to be honest, you hooking up with her roommate would make her more attracted to you anyways. The little competition women have with each other is great.
     
  13. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Not to take anything away from Epiphany, but the whole "there just aren't sparks between you two." and all that is completely wrong.

    If there aren't sparks, it's because you haven't made them. You already sound like you have a cocky attitude, which is good.

    For a push in the right direction:

    1. Stop being so nice to her -- When she asks for rides, asks for you to come over to her house, asks you to bring her food. Don't fucking do it. You can still do that stuff, but ON YOUR OWN TERMS. I know it seems like being a dick will make her mad, and it will, but that doesn't mean she won't be more attracted to you.

    2. Crack jokes on her -- What happens when a girl says something to a guy like "Your boobs are fun to squish and squeeze!" Yeah he laughs at it and says "Shut up!", but inside, he gets really insecure and embarrassed because he knows she thinks he has a flabby chest. Yes, she said it in a playful, nice way, but it still hurts to hear it and makes you feel like crap.

    Guess what? It's the same way with girls. Crack jokes on her appearance. Period. Don't say something fucking stupid like "You are a fat disgusting lardass, whore!" --- That's an insult. Say jokes like "Your feet are starting to look as big as mine!" or "Careful, don't knock my lamp over with that big nose on your face, haha!" She'll get insecure about it, and wonder why you aren't drooling over her, and that you can actually spot her flaws.

    Too much of it will just make her feel like shit and turn away from you. It has to be in the right amounts. Let her know that you are still kind of interested by saying something like "The shirt kind of makes you look fat, but you still look kind of hot."

    3. Big one here...DON'T talk to her about other guys. She will TRY AND TRY AND TRY to talk to you about other guys she whores herself around with, just to make you jealous, and to make her feel more desired, because she knows it makes you jealous. When she starts saying something like "So Eric just fucked me and won't call me now? What the hell?" say something like "Weird...hey what is your favorite movie." She'll notice the lack of interest in hearing her stories about other guys, and she'll love it. It will annoy her, but it helps in the long run.

    Don't give her advice, don't give your opinion on other guys, unless its talking about how much better than them you are or something that a cocky motherfucker would do.

    4. Give her a dose of her own medicine -- Talk about other girls wanting you. Not something gay like "I gave Melissa a box of candy yesterday, and she loved it!" --- Make it sexual. She talks about the sex she has, talk about the sex you have, and if you don't have it, then you don't give a fuck and it's just because you can't find a girl to fit up to your high standards.


    I could go own all day with this shit, and my explanations weren't that detailed, but you get the general idea. She hooks up with assholes, right? There is a clue right there. Just be uninterested in her, and you'll get whatever you want.

    Every single human that has ever lived has always in their life, desired the unobtainable. Modern day social dynamics is no different, and no exception. Why do you want to sleep with her? Because she is sleeping with other guys, but not you, and it makes you feel inferior, even though you know you are better than those other assholes. It's been hardwired into your brain and every other human brain, and whether some people will admit it or not, it's true.

    I've been where you are, as most guys have, and i've been back. Despite what a lot of unconfident pussies will say, getting out of the friendzone is easy. To me, it only makes it easier to sleep with the girl.

    *editted some typos
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2006
  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    :werd:

    In addition to that, what do these so-called loser guys do that you don't do? Seems like you have the loser move and THEY know what they are doing. Seriously. Go ask them and learn lessons. Watch them. Listen to them. You'll figure it out, you just can't be a friend and switch to being a lover with a woman. Either you're a lover from the start or not.
     
  15. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Sorry but as a female who's been in these situations quite a few times I completely disagree with that statement. You cannot force sparks. You can't force chemistry no matter what. It's either there or it's not.

    Chemistry and attraction from what I have experienced has very little to do with nice guy or bad guy situations. And actually now that I'm thinking about it, my long term relationships have always been with the nice guys who are actually the complete opposite of all of that anyway.
     
  16. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Do you value the friendship? Do you think your friendship could survive after having casual sex with each other?

    I think she values your friendship and doesn't want to stuff it up by sleeping with you. It may well be that she wants more than just casual sex with you, but you're not willing to go there, so she'd prefer to keep it purely platonic.
     
  17. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    :werd: as well
     
  18. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    fixed. If she gave you the good friend speel she's not attracted to you, but can tell that you like her.

    Hook up with her roommate and let her roommate tell her what she's missing out on.
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    In most of your hook-up experiences, I guarantee there wouldn't have been "chemistry" if the dude hadn't been trying.

    Ok. What about short term relationships? Hook-ups, etc.
     
  20. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Obviously not... and all the nice guys have tried. That is not to say that they were complete assholes to show that they were trying. They were nothing of the sort at all. Some of them I were attracted to and some of them I weren't.

    My ex husband treated me like gold. The last two guys I have dated (including my current) have spoiled me rotten. They both have treated me exactly the same... one (which I am with now) I have felt major sparks with and I'm crazy about him and the other one I really wanted to try because he was such a great guy and I gave it time but it just wasn't happening so I ended it. They both are very good looking guys. Both tried just as hard... made the same moves...went out of their way to show me they cared. But something just clicks with this current guy. :dunno: Maybe it's just our personalities are so similar... I don't know. We understand eachother and have fun.

    First, I don't do hook-ups. ;)
    Second, I don't settle with bullshit.
    The short term guys have been exactly the way Socrates explained. The guys who won't do shit for you, whether you asked for it or plain out of the kindness of their hearts. Won't go out of their way to show you they care. Make you insecure. Make you question their intentions. It shouldn't be stressful like that. All my short term relationships always have started out with the guy being "Mr. Wonderful" for the first few weeks or months. They are the fake guy who puts on the front to try and get you reeled in and when they've figured out I'm not quite sold that they really give a shit since they don't walk their talk, they either turn tail and run right away or I dump them on their asses. That has happened so many times and I don't deal with that crap.

    I'm not looking for a guy like that. I know what I want and real relationships are a two way street. You also can't have a real relationship foundation worth anything, if you don't have compromise or a desire to give as much as you get. Sometimes you have to do shit you don't want to do. That is apart of life, real relationships and becoming a grown ass man.... I'm not a person that expects to spend every waking minute together. I'm not one to hover or nag but I expect someone to take the relationship serious. My family is awesome, and I don't want a guy who only ever wants to hang out with his friends or family, bitches and moans cause he'd rather hang out with his friends or sit on his ass infront of a TV on a holiday or a summer weekend rather than going to the lake to hang out with my cousins. I want someone who is happy to be around my family. And there are plenty of guys like that out there, so why settle?

    I don't want a relationship where I'm stressing from drama THE MALE causes or questioning our relationship. If I don't get back the respect I put into it then ..."good luck to you, I hope you find what you are really looking for".

    What it boils down to is chemistry and either you both care or you don't. That's the only reason it doesn't work, and that in the end of it as much as they think they are, the asshole, even if he secretly does care, is never going to build a real lasting meaningful relationship being an asshole anyway. There's nothing wrong with not having feelings for someone. That's life but there's no reason to be a jerk about it if you don't.

    Then again with the asshole, it usually is just about trying to get some poon anyway. Just another obvious reason I won't date assholes...
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2006
  21. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Ah, back to the good old niceguy/asshole false duality.

    What about the guy who is funny and confident and takes charge like the asshole, who doesn't grovel and beg and come on heavy like the niceguy, but doesn't take advantage or treat you with disrespect?

    I see a little too much of the asshole in Socrates' post too. I don't think "neg hits" are a good idea 95% of the time. But, whatever works for him, I guess.

    Bottom line for the original poster: she isn't into you. You gotta have the right materials to start with, and you haven't got them with her. Nothing you do is going to make her jealous. Most likely nothing you do is going to draw her in (it is an outside possibility, but don't expect it to happen). From there, do whatever you want to do. And do it because you want to, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

    Never try to "win" a woman by doing stuff for her; don't be overly accessible; don't be the one who has to chase her down.
     
  22. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    If you're looking for a basket case and drama filled relationship... :dunno:

    See this I can agree with. There is a difference in doing something to win a girl and doing something to be sweet just because you really care...

    I fully believe that you both should have your own time apart as well and time spent together should happily be a two way street.
     

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