Got my ex-GF pregnant (again)...Should I marry her?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MartyFukstein, Jun 18, 2005.

  1. MartyFukstein

    MartyFukstein OT Supporter

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    I'll try to be succint here.

    In 2001 I met a foreign exchange student from the Philippines (I'm half Filipino myself, so don't accuse me of Chinc chasing ;) ) at a party. We dated for over a year, but the relationship dissolved because of poor chemistry. After finding a new girlfriend, I continued to hook up with the foreign exchange student on the side, and impregnated her despite her faithful birth control pill regiment.

    She had our daughter, withdrew from school, and returned to the Philippines seven months ago where she soon secured a job with an international firm in Manila. The firm sent her to New York where I visited her three weeks ago; we engaged in sex during which I likely mistimed my withdrawal from her.

    Today I found out she is pregnant again and is returning to the Philippines to have our second child.

    I will soon have two children with a woman in a foreign country whom I do not love. But I do want to see and be a father to my children, and particularly want my parents to know their grandchildren.

    The US government will require that I be married to her for a minimum of five years for her to get her green card, or else a divorce will result in her deportation; we cannot do a quick paper marriage to get the children into the country--INS actually does house visits on such marriages.

    I can't believe I made the same mistake twice, and am feeling an enormous amount of regret and guilt. My children deserve to have a father, but I also deserve to be happy, and cannot imagine myself happy married to this woman.

    So...should I marry her?
     
  2. White

    White OT Supporter

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    Honestly, dont marry her.
     
  3. naruto

    naruto Tard

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    :werd:

    I dont think your children will be better off with you in an unhappy marriage from the start.
     
  4. Ebon Hawk

    Ebon Hawk New Member

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    At least you don't have to flee the country.

    Honestly, I wouldn't marry. But that's because marriage is more of a love issue for me.
    If you feel bad, don't marry her, but have some of your check sent to her to help raise the kids.

    I don't know if this goes for the Phillipines, but I know in Thailand, with 200k, at age 50, you can live in a big house, with 10 servants til' the day you die. (saying you die at like 90-100.) If it is the same, luckily for you, money won't have to be so much. But I'm not sure.

    Really, if you feel bad, but don't want marriage, send her money every month. Since she's in a different country, they won't force child support, but I guess it'd be a nice guesture.

    Does anything happen (ie. disown child (her)) if she has an abortion?
     
  5. moomoo3210

    moomoo3210 Active Member

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    send her money to help her at least..if u dont want to marry her
     
  6. High Voltage

    High Voltage Guest

    dont marry her.
     
  7. beez

    beez New Member

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    Make sure you send some money and call it a day, basically.
     
  8. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, are we?

    You will be SO miserable if you marry this woman for the sake of the children. Ask anyone who's done it or ask any child whose parents have stayed together for the sake of the children. Don't don't DON'T sacrifice your happiness for someone you don't love and I'm assuming the one child is getting along fine.

    Anyways, WHY the HELL would you have sex with an ex girlfriend without birth control? Something tells me she was asking to get pregnant. With so many forms of birth control nowadays, accidental pregnancies just shouldn't be happening.

    Sorry to be honest and unmerciful but someone needs to be.
     
  9. edrox

    edrox A good man, and thorough

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    OK - I am sure to get slammed for this, but it won't be the first time.

    1) You should feel guilty. You have now brought two children into this world and left a woman to raise them alone. Judging by your approach, they will likely not have their father in their life. Stop being so selfish as to put "your happiness" ahead of that. Sending money is not fathering.

    2) You both should be breathing a HUGE sighh of relief. Pregnancy is not the biggest of your worries, having unprotected sex. And don't give me the excuses about how you each knew your entire sexual history and everyone was clean. All it takes is for one of you to have a quickie - like you did together with someone, who had a quickie with someone who had AIDS. Pull your head out of your ass.

    3) And lastly, to answer your question, I feel that you should be honorable and make every effort to help her and your kids. If that means marrying her to get her to the states then that what you do. If she works for a large firm that sends her to NY, she could look into other career options in the US and move here on a work visa, without having to get married. But they are your kids. Your responsibility. Your conscience.

    How will you feel in 18 years - your kids are grown, you are older (and I hope wiser) and you realize all tht you have missed out on, and all that they missed out on, by not being in their lives?
     
  10. f1manoz

    f1manoz Guest

    Don't marry her as you don't want to make you life completely miserable for the next five years (at least).

    However, make sure you do the right thing and financially support the woman.

    I just can't believe you made the same mistake twice!
     
  11. JaJae

    JaJae New Member

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    The kids deserve a father whether you're married to their mother or not. They're your kids, your responsibility. To be honest, if I were in your shoes I would marry her on paper and then divorce as soon as possible. Keep the kids in the states (they'll have a better life) and you'll be able to help raise them. You don't have to love the mother, but don't let the kids grow up without a father.
     
  12. Ebon Hawk

    Ebon Hawk New Member

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    pics or shens /genamy

    this seems to messed up to be true.
     
  13. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    So you are basically a cheater, in the habit of having unprotected sex and knocking up females you don't even want to be with? This is what it sounds like to be, feel free to clarify if this is mistaken. Sorry, but you aren't sounding like much of a standup individual here, and I have doubts about just how much happiness you really "deserve". I have no idea if you should marry her though, but I suspect not ...and not for your own sake, but for theirs. I have the feeling the girl and the kids would be better off not being involved with a character like you. Even if you sincerely are interested in becoming a responsible family man (which I doubt), it's generally understood that it's NOT in a family's best interest for non-committed/loving parents to stay together "for the kids", as it just creates a hostile or unhealthy environment for them, moreso than lacking their original dad.
     
  14. Soren

    Soren OT Supporter

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    i suspect this also
     
  15. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    :werd:

    You both deserve what you got but unfortunately the kids don't have a choice who their parents are.:nono:

    Still marrying her would be another mistake to add on your list IMO.
     
  16. swisher59

    swisher59 New Member

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    you were already a jerk for cheating on your girlfriend and a jerk for impregnating a poor girl. i suggest you redeem yourself by not being an absentee father. you don't need to marry her, but you better support her and the kids.
     
  17. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    I wouldnt want you as a father, might as well leave them all alone.

    Then again she also didnt have to open her legs either.

    Basically, you're all better off apart.
     
  18. 4 Leaf Clover

    4 Leaf Clover New Member

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    :werd: my thoughts exactly
     
  19. Mark

    Mark Diesel Junkie

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    you have two procedures you can take (and this isnt a flame, i'm totally serious)

    1. Use your nuts for more then sex0rs and marry her like a real man.
    2. In time you will develop a real relationship (which you should have had before the sex0rs)

    Procedure 2:
    1. Tell her you wownt marry her and to never tlak to you again.
    2. find an ax or a hachet.
    3. chop off your balls. Nuts are to good for you and will only hurt more people by leaving them with Children to support and leaving children with no dad.

    People like you disgust me. There is a reason what i'm not having sex before i get married. First, i'm not marrying som1 who isnt a virgen. This means the is clean and values sex as more then just pleasure. Second, if i dont have sex i WOWNT BECOME A DAD (go figure!).
     
  20. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    a piece of paper does not make a good father. you can still father your children (which you should) even if you don't marry her.

    :rolleyes: i can't believe you'd even fathom the idea of marriage. :doh: way to go make a bad situation even worse.

    if you don't love her, then there's no reason for marriage!

    umm... just a thought, but you may want to start using condoms now :squint:
     
  21. jeyur

    jeyur cum fairy OT Supporter

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    well....this is what u can do also....

    marry her....so she can live in the USA....but let her know divorce will happen once the minimum time is up....this way u can BE A FATHER STILL because ur kids will be in USA and they will also grow up and be raised in the USA which...not talking shit....is better then the PI.....
     
  22. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    dont do it, you'll meet another person, hopefully be happy and have children with her. sure it'll always be in the back of your mind, but there'd be nothing wrong with sending a birthday card each year and ask your ex girlfriend to at least try to tell them why daddy isnt around. But its not like you wont be there for them when they are old enough to understand, but ultimately it'd be their choice if they chose to seek you out.
     
  23. swisher59

    swisher59 New Member

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    oh no you've opened the ark!
    maybe that's not an option? but then again, maybe she's keeping the baby to get him to marry her. it's the oldest trick in the book! :ugh:
     
  24. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    The girl is Filipino. Chances are she's catholic (aren't all filipinos? :eek3: ) so she probably won't get an abortion.

    I think we should start taking bets on when this idiot knocks her up a third time.
     
  25. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    Dude, you got to do whats best for you. You cant listen to people over the internet. Some ppl are saying don't marry her. Well thats what THEY would do, but your not them. They are not in your situation, they dont know how you (or her) feel. You have to think whats best for you and your kids. This is youre life, and basically your future, so just make sure you think it out and make the best decision.
     

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