Got dumped, v.5years

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by xpinchx, Jul 19, 2009.

  1. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    This is a follow up to this thread: http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=4256211 . There really isn't much new news but before I thought I would be able to change her mind. She's dead set on moving out in the next week or so.

    Sucks, just last week I was thinking about marriage (not about proposing, just the idea in general.) I knew deep down inside I wasn't ready and I started questioning why that might be. I looked at my life objectively and figured out that even though I'm a pretty good boyfriend, I'm not as responsible as I should be and I can be selfish. Not so much that I actively put my needs ahead of anyone else's, but I definitely didn't put my SO's needs in front of mine. I started making changes but it was already too late, I found out that she had been planning on breaking up with me for a couple of weeks (she spilled the beans to her girl friends while she was drunk during camping a few weekends ago).

    Anyway at this point I'm not sure what her intentions are. She says she needs to really find out who she is, and she needs to see me grow on my own and become more responsible. Yesterday we kind of mutually agreed to just split with just one string attached - no dating anyone in our close-knit group of mutual friends (~10 people or so), most of which are her coworkers. It's going to be really hard for me, while i don't like to admit it I'm pretty emotionally dependent on her. And it's just weird since we live together... We're still cuddling, kissing (not making out), saying we love each other, etc. It almost feels like nothing changed and sometimes I fool myself into thinking it never happened but as soon as I realize there's no going back I get the worst pang in my stomach and my heart sinks. She says she's open to date me again in the near future and getting back together, but not for a while.

    Anyway I'm trying to cope the best i can. I went to the bar with 2 good friends last night (one male and one female) and it felt interesting being single. They both heard through the grapevine what was going to happen, so I just kind of told them it's official now and it never got brought up again. Got pretty wasted and had a good time, danced with some girls, then we went back to my female friend's apartment and played video games for a while before crashing. I ended up sleeping on the same futon as the girl (and my other friend jumped on later) and it was kind of nice waking up cuddling. I have to admit I have some feelings for her and I think she might have some, too although it's hard to well when everyone's plastered. But, she's a good mutual friend so I should probably stay away. :hs:

    Anyway, most of the regular posters in the subforum are pretty like-minded and for the past 3-4 years you guys have been pushing for a break and I think I knew all along you guys were right. I don't feel like I've wasted any time though, and I have no regrets. Just throwing this out there for you guys to see since for some reason a lot of you remember me by name (I usually delete old subforum posts, so it's surprising you guys actually remembered me).

    Feel free to give me any advice on the situation... The hardest thing to cope with for now is that it kills me to think of her with other guys. We've been exclusive for 5 years and we're both very honest with eachother. She says she's never cheated on me and I beleive her, and I haven't chated either. So the thought of her with another guy just seems so weird, makes me insanely jealous. :hs:
     
  2. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

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    WHY the hell.. are you letting her TREAT you like that.. she is using sounds like she is using you until she find something else :\

    Im sorry man! Just move on
     
  3. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    +1

    You need to go on Craig's list and find a new place to live ASAP. Tell her to find a new roommate as well.

    It's actually a pretty easy process, my friends found a cool girl to replace our buddy who got into a brewing program in 2 weeks... from they day i uploaded pics/wrote and ad, to the day a new person moved in. Interviewed 4 people.

    This situation you're in is cruel. If she doesn't love you back, you're just going to have to move on. The sad truth of the situation is that this level of drop in interest and attraction is not recoverable.

    and even IF she wanted to get back with you, you'd have to be the most pathetic, low self esteem man to take her back.
     
  4. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    Yeah it's weird, I've been wondering about the reasons. I mean I get it, I'm having a hard time paying down my own bills and it's hard to contribute towards shared bills (although $600 a month comes from my parents until my finances are sorted out). I know I'm kind of a loser, I enjoy playing video games, and honestly we've both haven't been taking the best care of our bodies. I go through bouts of depression, it runs in my family and I'm okay with who I am. I don't want to take meds for it for my own reasons. I think she just hates to see me depressed because I lose motivation and get lazy. I always get better and it sucks I got dumped on an up-swing.

    But I feel like she has some sort of alterior motive, or some sort of agenda. I know she's not cheating on me but I have a feeling she's been eyeing somebody. She says she isn't going to actively date but if she meets someone she doesn't want to hold back because of me. It's just weird because I've had some serious depression issuses before and we came close to breaking up but we always make up and things go back to normal, or even better. It's just weird that she's so decided on this, it seemed to come without much of a warning...

    Also one more thing, we have two events still planned for this summer - a concert, and a camping trip, both we're doing with a big group of friends and I told her I still planned on going. I honestly don't think it would be that weird unless she invites a new boyfriend but we agreed not to bring new SO's (if we have any by then) for at least those two occasions. I think awkward moments will be unavoidable though since our friends are so intertwined.
     
  5. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    Living arrangements are already set up. My lease runs out in 3 weeks, she's moving out soon with her girl friend and I'm still undecided on what to do. We were going to move in with our 2 good friends, who happen to be a couple. He's probably one of my best friends and I still want to move in but I don't know if it will be awkward living with a couple. Otherwise I can keep this apartment and rent out the spare bedroom.
     
  6. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    If you have spent any time at all in the vag, you should know that girls often have a new guy lined up before they break up with their bf. She knew for weeks she didn't want you anymore so she has been looking at new guys. Thats the way most girls operate.


    I think you need to go out and meet new friends badly. And stop cuddling/hugging/kissing/saying I love you. You aren't together, you need to stop.
     
  7. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    I'm not going to read your weeping because you need to man up.

    Sack up you broke up with the board lose her.
     
  8. Ichabod Crane

    Ichabod Crane Active Member

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  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  10. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    Don't believe a word she says, most likely the reason she is still being affectionate is her way letting you down slowly. If I were you I would get the fuck out and not bother looking back. Sounds like you have some personal issues to work on as well. If you view this situation as an opportunity, you will come out strong.
     
  11. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Agreed
     
  12. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    I think I've mostly come to terms with everything that's been going on. The first few days have been rough but I think I'm ready to move on. I had a really weak moment last night. We both ended up going out with a group of friends and it was fine at first but we both got drunk and it got incredibly awkward and we both left depressed feeling. We got back and I went straight to bed since I was depressed. She came in soon after and I basically broke down (not a total melt down, but my guard had been up all night and I let her know how I felt). It was my last desperate attempt to get her back even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do. It obviously didn't change anything, but at least now I know more of where she's coming from.

    I went house hunting with 2 of my future room mates today and that helped a lot too. Being stuck in this apartment is terribly depressing and seeing more of what the future has in store is a huge lift. I'm actually really excited to move out. Also got some closure by signing for the end of lease and getting ready to move out of the apartment. Also she's going to be moving out sooner so that will also help immensely.
     
  13. Dargone

    Dargone Noob

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    Keep your chin up mang :sadwavey:
     
  14. SleepyDay

    SleepyDay New Member

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    1st paragraph, shut the fuck up, seriously. The ONLY person who ever called you a loser (in this thread) was yourself. You don't even love yourself, what makes you think she'll love you? I sometimes have a days where I stay home, and literally do nothing but sit on my computer.
    Say what you want, but you can't change the fact that it's ME. If you can't accept yourself, how do you expect her to accept you?

    She does not love you, sorry. She told you there, if she had a relationship with someone else, she will not look back. She doesn't care about your feelings. It looks like you want this relationship more than her.
     
  15. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    Well no shit, I was the one trying to work things out despite everyone's advice (on here and close friends). I can't help it, it's only my nature. I've been with the girl for 5 years and despite our ups and down I've still always loved her. At first I couldn't accept that things were so bad that we had to break up, but I'm starting to see things from her point of view and I can see how things got fucked up. I neglected a lot of her needs, and after a certain point she started neglecting mine and it went downhill from there. However at this point I'm okay with things the way they are. I think we both needed this whether I would like to admit it or not.

    And about my self-esteem, I'm fine with who I am. I generally don't care too much about what people think about me. I don't actually think I'm a loser, but from a girlfriend's point of view imagine have a boyfriend that puts on 20 pounds, stops doing well in school, plays video games all night and never comes to bed. It is what it is. :dunno:
     
  16. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    You can't help anyone else until you help yourself first. Something a lot of girls haven't figured out.

    Breakups don't have strings attached. You're free to do whatever you want.

    She's playing games with you. Kick her out and move on. She already has.
     
  17. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    :werd: :werd: :werd: :werd:
     
  18. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    That stopped after the first couple days. Mixture of denial and her letting me go gently.
     

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