Got back together with girlfriend v.parents

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Kreigore, Dec 8, 2006.

  1. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    So, my girlfriend and I had a falling out and we split for about a month. We started seeing each other casually again. We were together for 3 years and took a month hiatus.

    She initiated the break-up, but we decided that our communication broke down in the relationship and we would like to work at it again. There are no expectations this time and it's been going well so far.

    We've spoken a lot more about our feelings and have been communicating very well.

    The problem is, when we broke up, my girlfriend told her parents all of the "bad" things I had done to her. Out of sheer frustration, I had said some hurtful things to her and vice versa. It was a two-way street. Her parents aren't too fond of me and my parents aren't too fond of her at this point.

    I told her it would have to be about us at first -- trying to work things out and see how it goes. If it goes well, great -- if not, then we can atleast look back and say we gave it our best shot. I figure it would be best to tell our parents of our decision to give it another go after we've gone out a few more times to see if we still "have it."

    The question is, has anyone been in this situation before? I know her parents may go batshit and I'll probably have to sit down and discuss the situation with them to make amends. My girlfriend is also nervous as well.

    How should we progress? I believe it would be good to date casually, with no real expectations at first and see if we're still capable (and to test to see if we've both improved). Then we'd have to sit down and clear things up with her parents (and mine), if they had a problem with it.

    Any ideas? Or similar stories? :o

    Cliffs: gf and I broke up, got back together, said crazy shit the other did to us to our parents, parents don't "approve" at this point, we're working on things and they're going OK, I don't wanna have to talk to her parents until I'm sure it's gonna work -- how should I/we proceed?
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Why worry about the parents right now? Just see how well the relationship goes for a little while. It's entirely possible that the issues that caused you to break up in the first place will resurface. You need to see if you guys can still make it work. If you can, THEN you should worry about the parents.

    However, most lkely, the parents will change if they see and hear that the relationship is going well.

    Perhaps they are concerned because you got back together after a brief period of time....did you guys go out with other people during this time? Or did you sit at home and think about how much you missed each other?
     
  3. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    The parents reactions will depend on what the "bad" things were. for example cheating might take years and a stable pattern of showing one is sorry and comitment to begin to forgive, but not forget. Phyical and even emotional abuse probably will never be out of anyone's mind. So alot of advise cannot be given until we know what each set of parents knows.

    A relationship between two people especially a romantic one should be about those two people and not other's opinions so focusing on the two of you before letting others know about it isn't a bad idea. Now advise on how to proceed really depends on your ages and living arrangments. After all one or both of you live with your parents, well then what is going to be worse you flat out telling pre-emptively them or them finding out on thier own and not liking it and you left on the defensive. If you are older and out of thier house and off of thier payroll, well then regardless of what they think or approve there is not much they can do.

    I just got back together with a gf, my parents knew more about the breakup than hers and now they know we are back together my mother is a little iffy on it but is keeping to herself on that for the most part.
     
  4. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    Yeah, we didn't cheat on one another or anything like that. It simply didn't work -- we didn't communicate as openly as we should have and it went downhill. Things have been picking up, though.

    I'm not concerned about my parents. As long as we know where we stand, that's pretty much all that matters and everything will fall into place if we communicate (as we should have been all along).

    I went out and had a blast with friends and hung out with some other girls. My girlfriend went out with her friends to drink once and went out with some people from her work. She mainly went home and hung out with her "best friend."
     
  5. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    If you believe that she is worth it then go ahead and go for it. Just know that if it escalates into something more than just a dating relationship that you are indirectly going to be marrying her family and she will be marrying yours. It all depends on how important you think family relations are in your relationship with her. For some people it can be a deal breaker if you cant at least have an amlicable relationship with the others parents, others couldnt give 3 shits.

    I dont get along very well with my boyfriends mother, we havent spoken in 8 months. Family relations are very important to me in a relationship. It will only take time to heal the wounds that have been made. Just make sure you treat her well this time around and prove to your girlfriend and everyone else that you are worthy of her love and affection and time.
     
  6. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    Just want to second this. So much depends on the ages and situations of the people involved. If you are living with your folks, well they should know who will be calling their house or stopping by, simply respect. If the two of you are out of the house and independent, I think it might be better for each of you to just deal with their own parents right now. YOU didn't say anything to her parents, it was her venting. And vice versa. I guess I'm thinking that if a buddy of mine broke up with a girl and told me all the stuff she did that angered him, I wouldn't say anything to her if they got back together (unless maybe it was something really serious, but that doesn't seem to be the case here). I would keep it in the back of my mind, but I wouldn't expect her to say anything to me.
     
  7. sassy1

    sassy1 perfusion?

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    I my self have not been in the situation, but I did have a friend who was. He ended up marrying the girl. Took alot of proving good intentions the second time around but he said that he was glad he had taken the chance.
     
  8. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    If you parents hassle you about her, make sure to let them know they only heard the bad stuff and you were stressed out.
     
  9. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    yea, been there done that. Do the classy thing, treat them with respect like nothing happend. If you didnt say anything bad about them, it isnt like you need to apologize to them. Just show that you are a gentleman around their daughter.
     
  10. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    yes.

    if your parents have any common sense, they wont make a big deal about it and will just let the relationship run its course.
     
  11. bathing ape

    bathing ape guest

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    this might be a little off the current topic, but how did you two actually come to the conclusion that it would be best to break up after a 3 year relationship ? It would seem so hard to actually let someone go after such a long time or does there come a time where both parties know that it might be best to split ?
     
  12. Drifts180

    Drifts180 Active Member

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    Well this happened to my best friend and the girl he is now married to. They went through a pretty bad break up in which my friend dumped her for another girl and kicked her out of our apartment. They had been together for 4 years and he came out of nowhere with it. Of course, he later regret it.

    Her parents hated him, but when they decided to get back together it just took them some time to get over it. Now they love just as much as they did before he fucked up.

    So basically, it can work. But I think you might have to go through some awkwardness and some rough times with the parents.
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    We all make mistakes. The mark of a wise person is to learn from them. If the parents say anything, I'd ask "So you've never made a mistake and in hind sight realized you were wrong?" Be kind about it, but remind them no one is perfect.
     
  14. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    same thing happened with a friend of mine, they were together ~4yrs all through college and she cheated on him so he bad mouthed her to all of us (his friends). But they got back together and just got married this past summer. Its been tough trying to be nice to her ever since their break-up.
     

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