SRS Got a girl's number, but I'm afraid to call.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CopenKagan, Jan 31, 2006.

  1. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Since I broke up with my last girlfriend back in October I haven't really cared too much about dating up until about 2 or 3 weeks ago. Anyway, so I decided I would try the online thing. Found this girl that seems really cool. We sent some messages back and forth, I told her I would like to hang out some time. Anyway, she gave me her number and told me to give her a call.

    I sent her a message back telling her I would give her a call sometime during the following week. But that was last week (Jan 22-28). I got really busy and forgot about it. I still want to call her but I'm always afraid to call girls for the first time. :hs:

    Today I pulled out my phone, dialed her number and just couldn't convince myself to hit the send button. My adrenaline was pumping and it seemed like I could barely breathe.

    Are there any kinds of things I can go through mentally to convince myself that it really isn't that bad? I mean, I tell myself that before I call, but when I pull out the phone I sieze up and just can't do it. :hs:

    Any ideas/suggestions? :sadwavey:
     
  2. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Well, maybe you could tell her about your nervousness and have her call you??????
     
  3. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Is this a serious reply? Maybe I'm just being too prideful, but I don't think that is a very good idea. :o
     
  4. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Well, yeah it was a serious reply, but at least now you know that it has to be YOU who musters up the nutz to call her.
    You can doooooo eeeeet!
    Just do it.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well you don't have to call up and tell her you're nervous -- you CAN make that play work for you, but you need to do it carefully to not come off sounding like a puss.

    Anyways...why are you so afraid to call? Afraid she'll say no?
    Here's an idea. Don't call. You'll have said no to her.

    Don't want that? Ok then. Call. Just call. Dial her number. When she answers, say, hey, this is Copen. What's up, thought I'd give you a call.

    She'll say the next words. Respond to them. It's simple.
    After about 5 mins, just say you gotta get going but you'll give her a shout later. Don't say when. Just say 'later'.

    Call back later. You've already got the first call over with.
    It'll be easier from now on.
     
  6. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    You know one time I was nervous to call a girl and I got to dialing but not pressing send many times.. So I started watching the movie Collateral. Don't read on if you dont wanna know what happens in it..

    At a point our hitman (cruise) notices a phone number the cab driver (foxx) accquired from a girl. Cruise asks Foxx if he's gonna call her. Foxx says he doesn't know, leaning towards no. Cruise tell him he should because one day life is gone. LIttle did Foxx know Cruise would end up attempting to kill the girl because she was on the hitlist.

    So the point is.. It inspired me to just fuckin do it. Because hell who knows maybe she will walk out and get hit by a truck. Or maybe you will. You just gotta do things. Everytime I don't wanna do something I'm nervous of I think back to that scene..
     
  7. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    ...and how'd the call go?
     
  8. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Well that's not the point. He was forced to call her because she was gonna get killed. But the point really is, she was gonna die that night, and he was debating whether to call or not.
     
  9. PapiShasho

    PapiShasho Guest

    I say don't do it and just get rid of the girls number right now. I'm not trying to sound negative, but if you're nervous or scared to call, your voice will reek of insecurity and she will most likely say "hey, i gotta go take a shower right now, ill call you right back" and never call back.

    Save yourself the trouble, because that negative reaction from her, which is expected, will make you even MORE afraid to call girls in the future because you'll think you're gonna get that response everytime.

    Next time when getting a girls number, just don't. If she's interested, make her get your number, and let her know you expect HER to set up a date, and so on. Just tell her you're tired of always taking charge and you wanna see how she'll do it and leave the ball in her court. You can't handle the rock right now so let her take it.

    I know it's an unpopular opinion and people keep saying just do it, but seriously, don't.
     
  10. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    Yeah, run away from your weaknesses like the coward that you are.

    Which ones? The ones on the pay-for-poon websites?
     
  11. PapiShasho

    PapiShasho Guest

    I'm past this stage, dumbfuck.

    But yeah, go ahead and call then if you wanna be a badass. We all know the best thing to do in the world is jump into things before you can handle them. :rofl:
     
  12. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Well.. when I was nervous, yeah I finally got over being nervous and just relaxed into conversation with her. I think that will happen if you just do it to. It's all about hitting the send button ;) Just hit it, it's not that hard, keep telling youself you got nothing to lose..
     
  13. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    If you listen to the negativity you'll forever question if you could have made it work. NOt knowing because you opted out. Just do it..

    I'm sure you are relaxed when talking to friends you're comfortable with. Just pretend it's one of them and talk to her. Sooner or later it'll be easy..
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2006
  14. White91MR2-T

    White91MR2-T New Member

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  15. svetlanalemon

    svetlanalemon A little blood and vomit on the car seat...

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    what makes you think that all people are just going to be turned off by nervousness?

    i agree with johan... give her a quick call, that you're just saying hi.... there are a lot of people who aren't "phone people"...... i mean, you've never talked to her in your life, so there is a sort of justified nervousness, but don't let it get to you, don't even think about it....try to just muster the courage and call her... stop thinking while you're talking to her, dont be neurotic, and the fear will fall away... be open. It will get better as time goes by and you'll realize how insignificant your fear is

    avoiding things because you're scared of them is not the way to go. You have to go through life facing things head on, even if you get a bad response/outcome... you can't let small things like that overturn you, or bigger things in life will be even harder to deal with..

    Call her.
     
  16. svetlanalemon

    svetlanalemon A little blood and vomit on the car seat...

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    It's not like what he's going to do is going to put other people's lives at risks :ugh:
    It's a phone call...

    You're saying, "No, you'll fuck up and she's going to not want to talk to you, so you shouldn't do it at all". So if not now, when? How is he going to learn and realize that fear is just that- fear. Nothing else... fear isn't a bit real, its a defense mechanism. Fear is strengthened by reinforcement, and in reality, if he ignores this oppurtunity, chances are he'll be even more nervous the next time this sort of chance comes up.
    It's that sort of negative thought in his head that makes him nervous. You're just reinforcing that for him.

    Be positive.... you've got what it takes, remember its only a phone call, and you will get better at it once you keep trying.
     
  17. PapiShasho

    PapiShasho Guest

    Actually, it's backwards.

    I understand what you're saying, but I guess maybe since I've always seen women as a dime a dozen, I know this isn't his last chance EVER at hooking up with a woman.

    My point is, calling and getting rejected, which believe me he will, is REINFORCING in his brain subconsciously that women are INDEED evil and that he will spend the rest of his life single and hopeless and no girl will ever talk to him (which is what his mind is coming up with and why he gets nervous). It's simply not the way to go about it.

    "Man up" is not good advice when he's nervous. He needs assistance. You don't tell a kid "man up" when he's trying to ride a fucking bike, you push him along until he feels comfortable, and even though he'll bust his ass a few times, you keep helping him.

    You don't tell him to just get the bike himself, get on it, "man up" and ride himself until he learns, because more than likely he'll just never learn. It's a gradual thing. Do what you want, maybe you get lucky and she likes trembling insecure voices in her men, or do as I say and just let this one go and until you feel secure and know that women aren't all out to get you, let them take control. There's no shame in that.
     
  18. PapiShasho

    PapiShasho Guest

    Oh, and I don't exactly mean let her go completely...I mean maybe you really like her, but I just know you're not ready for that...If you're nervous in just calling, how nervous will you be when it comes to ripping her clothes off and ramming her on the kitchen counter?

    Even if she does start talking to you, she'll chew you up and spit you out. Proceed at your own risk.
     
  19. PapiShasho

    PapiShasho Guest

    ok :ugh2:
     
  20. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    What do we do before an oral or before an exam that makes us feel nervous ? We study. Studying is repeating some words in your heard until they become automatic. Do the same thing with women. If you're nervous when asking for a number, practice it, make some scenarios in your head, prepare a reaction for some scenarios and repeat. Same thing goes when you first call her. There's not a hundred things you could say on the first call so make it short and ask when you can see each other. End the phone call in less than 5 min "because you have to go". That's it, no akward moment because you don't know what to say/ask, no nervousness because you practiced and you don't feel like you HAVE to keep the conversation going during an hour.
     
  21. svetlanalemon

    svetlanalemon A little blood and vomit on the car seat...

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    why are you so forward on him to NOT do this? the whole point is, it's his fear making him apprehensive, and he needs to deal with that fear in order to move forward in life. He has to deal with the "chance" of rejection, or other ventures in life will be significantly more difficult.
    If he does get nervous, don't be so quick to assume that she'll get weirded out. She's the one who GAVE him her number, so obviously she wants him to call her... and even if its only for five minutes, at least he's saying to himself, "My fear isn't going to hold me back."

    The more you stay away from something, the more dark and looming it appears in your mind. If anything, he might learn that his actions are a product of what he thinks. He's got to have a positive attitude and realize its JUST his fear that is keeping him back, he's afraid of what she might think of him, but that isn't telling of reality. Reality is, she wants him to call her, and he's just a bit afraid because he isn't used to it.

    He came here he cause he obviously wants to call her, but he just needs a little encouragement/guidance to calm the negative thoughts that seem to be eating him up right now. No use reinforcing his fears.

    So you tell him to call this one off, what about the next? He's obviously not nervous about calling this *particular* girl, he's nervous about calling girls in general. It's an understandable fear. It goes away with time. But just because he ignores his fear this time doesn't mean it will go away.

    You mention the chance of this girl getting completely turned off by his nervousness, but there are chances in everything. You don't know this for a fact, chances are she could just be as nervous about talking to him, as he is about talking to her. It's not like being nervous is a rare occurence. It happens to everyone, it's natural on a first encounter, and if she's going to be immature about it and say "uh, i have to go..." like you imagine she would, then she's obviously not someone he wants to see in the future. Not his fault. One girl doesn't stand for all other girls

    My advice to you threadstarter, is to be positive, and you are a worthy guy otherwise she would not have given you her number. All girls are not snobby twats, and hopefully this will go well, whichever road you decide to take, call her or not.

    Best of luck.
     
  22. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    The longer you sit and read all this crap the less likely it is that you will call her. The longer you wait the more oddball it gets when you call her.

    Decide *now* to either call, immediately, or forget about it forever.
     
  23. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Well after reading this thread I've decided I'm going to just swallow my fear and call her. I know it will be cool to talk to her, but it's getting over that first, "Hey, this is Kagan. How are you doing?".

    I'm going to call her tomorrow. The worst she can say is no when I ask her out. I think a lot of it is that in the past I have gone out with girls that seemed very enthusiastic to go out with me and to later find out I was pretty much a free meal.
     
  24. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Just call.

    If she likes you, you can say and do almost anything including saying Hi and then diddling your lip for 10 minutes.

    If she doesn't like you, nothing you can do will really change that either. I.e. you can't screw up what you never had in the first place.

    Either way, in order to move forward, you need to make that move.

    Call. You have NOTHING to lose. Understand?
     
  25. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Just don't take it so seriously dude. I had the same problem as you: I really liked this girl but I was unable to talk to her or call her because I was so nervous. Turned out really horribly.

    Anyways, just see the dating as only going somewhere with some girl with the intention of getting to know her better. That's what it is after all: there should be no strings attached. So just call her up, tell her: "Which is better for you, Friday or Saturday night?". If she answers one of them say "cool, in that case see you on friday/saturday at 6pm, I'll pick you up". Then say bye, hang up and don't call her up again: just go to her door on the designated time and day and do something with her.

    Basically, the trick is to get all the emotions out of dating for now because they don't belong there. And if you are too emotional about some girl and you don't know her and are not very likely to see her ever again, just call her up and tell her "omg, I love you so much. Please go out with me, no I mean marry me! I swear I'll do the dishes every day and a red rose every day. please!". She will be scared of you and will tell you outright "Uuuh, I don't know you and frankly I'm not interested in you, please don't call me again". That way you'll have gotten a rejection and won't be so scared about it anymore.

    Remember: a date is you interviewing some girl for the position of "your girlfriend". You're trying to attract her to "the company" at the same time as checking if she is qualified to fill the position. Go out there and have fun.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2006

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