SRS Good Self Confidence / Self Esteem Reads?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Wilddog, Nov 19, 2009.

  1. Wilddog

    Wilddog OT Supporter

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    I'm looking for a good book that helps develop one's self-confidence and self-image. There are so many available but was hoping for some recommendations.
     
  2. twenty

    twenty resident nerd

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    In for this as well.
     
  3. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    If a book can give you self-confidence, I would think you can do it yourself by getting into hobbies and hanging around with supportive friends.

    If nothing else, fake it until you make it. If you act confident, people will respond a certain way and will want to be around you; that will ultimately truly make you confident.
     
  4. Mr. Pelham

    Mr. Pelham Guest

    Dale Carnegie
     
  5. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    i need help in this
     
  6. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    Feeling Good Handbook. The best and most comprehensive by far (It's quite large though). Of course you have to implement the actions in the book for it to work.

    Some say it's focused too much on depression for a self-confidence application but it's a really good book about getting yourself out of a rut and people interaction in general.

    But really the best thing you can do besides physically going out there and building up your self esteem with small wins and then moving to larger ones is to brainwash yourself, just like you've brainwashed yourself into a low self-confidence. It's a learned and reinforced behaviour and state of mind.

    So go to innertalk.com and look up the self confidence mp3's/CD's. It's not subliminal and it works in the same way that's got you into this self-confidence mess. Plus, there's a free mp3 you can try that's just as effective, but shorter than the full length ones so you might have to repeat it a few times (The free one is 10min and the CD's are 60). Try the stress free and the releasing fear, doubt and helplessness ones for free.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2009
  7. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    pure, unadultered bullshit. I need to make a thread about the confidence myth! but anyways, think about it logically, do "confident" people get to where they are by siting around reading fucking books? by the very definition, if you find yourself reading a self confidence book, you are admitting to yourself (and thus further wiring your brain into believing) that you inherently LACK CONFIDENCE. genius.
     
  8. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    I think you're looking for OT, this is the Asylum. And self confidence is gained though a mindset change and positive reinforcement. Both can be had with books taht teach you cognitive behavioural therapy.
     
  9. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    yes, mindset change and positive reinforcement from ->>> SUCCESS.

    heres a secret: no one is attracted to confidence, this spooky word that everyone throws around every thread. they are attracted to the qualities and successes that made the confidence possible in the first place
    delusional or imagined confidence without any backing behind is quickly recognized as such by anyone with half a brain.
    real confidence, meaning the social kind which is what we're all really talking about here, develops as a result of these success traits, when someone is used to easy acceptance by people. NOT the other way around.

    so if you really want improvement, and not this self defeating 'self help' you need to focus on three things in order of importance: how you look, your social skills, and money.
     
  10. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    You're arguing a straw man here. What you are talking about is arrogance, not confidence. Most self help books I've seen tell you to get out there and try things. Except for the "fake it till you make it" crowd, most people seem to advocate setting small goals and completing them, then setting larger goals, and working on positive body language and social skills to boost their confidence.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins
     
  12. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    Cognitive behavioural therapy works. It has been proven countless times in studies and used extensively by doctors around the world (And for many conditions it's the primary method of help). It can be learned in a book. Low confidence, self-esteem, self-efficacy, whatever you want to call it, is a learned behaviour. We aren't born with a low value of ourselves. It would follow that it can be unlearned in our later years (And it can). I think you're ranting because you don't know what CBT is. It's not the Secret.

    To answer your question, confident people get where they are largely by learning from an external source. This can be watching others interact, reading, being taught or coached. It's all in how the individual learns. This pattern of success you talk about can be as small as talking to a stranger on the bus one day for a painfully shy individual. Sometimes books give people this framework to start from and use various methods to convince them to take that first step.

    And we are attracted to intangibles. Confidence is part of what people would call charisma, and it doesn't have to have external supports to back it up. It doesn't have to come with a seven figure job or a Ferrari for people to come to you and like you.

    And I think you've missed the point of authentic confidence if you think that something like money is in the top 3. I'd like to hear what you have to back this up besides, "Just look at the confident people". It might help give you a boost but it won't make you confident, it will, as the other poster said, make you arrogant. Without a framework to change internally, all the money in the world won't change who you are for the better. Just look at follow-ups of lottery winners. They get a short lived boost and then go back to thier previous level of happiness. They are no more confident. Same with people that suffer a major trauma like losing a leg or losing the use of their legs. If you were a happy, confident guy before you will likely be again after a little while.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I go by 'try or die' ,because if you simply always go for gold in life then you don't need to have any confidence. Its simply kamikaze. It works alot better in achieving your goals because there is no doubt.
     
  14. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    blackbirdbeatle, thats why I put money at the end of the list in importance. If you have looks and social skills, money will usually follow.

    And I would strongly disagree with one of your last statements. I believe that if a good looking person somehow became uglier, for whatever reason, they would lose "confidence".

    and what do you mean "taught or coached"? If you are born good looking, and thus develop good social skills, you are going to have more positive interactions with people, gain easy acceptance, get hit on more by the opposite sex, have more sex with higher quality people. After many years of this, you will definitely FEEL "confident". The only thing you were "taught" is that you're a winner.

    conversely if you start getting alienated, rejected, and scorned, you will lose confidence! It doesn't matter who you are, your confidence is given to you by others!

    so if you try to brainwash someone, by misunderstanding what confidence means, by telling them they're a winner over and over even though they're a loser, you're just setting them up to fail!

    baby steps, starting small, working your way up with small wins, SURE, at least thats better than "just believe in yourself", but the person invariably will start getting shut down again when they try to advance - because the core traits that ACTUALLY make people like you - LOOKS, SOCIAL SKILLS, and to some degree money, are still lacking.

    ONLY when you work on those attributes, will you start to see SUCCESS... and enough success, enough positive reinforcement from OTHER people, and you will feel a bit more "confident", but its just a feeling, and you cannot manufacture it yourself, unless you are delusional or a sociopath.
     
  15. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    You are mostly right, but some of the logical cause and effect you are doing here is naive.

    Confidence comes from understanding the word you live in and feeling like you have a reasonable amount of control over it. Confidence is knowing that if something bad happends you know how to deal with. If there is something you want to you have a mindframe to try and go for it without fear or guilt. Having people around you that accept you, like you, and want to help you is a big part of it, but it doesn't necessarily have that much to do with looks, or money.

    You can look amazing and have money and have basic social skill, but if you are a dimwit or don't understand how the world works, people will still make fun of you and reject you, especially if they are jealous of your good looks. Good looks and social skill might help get you some jobs, but again, unless the boss is a dumb as you are, you're not gonna keep it.

    Also, plain people can be loved and supported by their families too, their parents won't reject them for a better looking kid, and the kid won't feel jealous of better looking kids and won't judge uglier ones. People will like his company because he isnt threatening, judgemental, or jealous, and they will help him/her succeed. The kid will be loved almost wherever he goes, and when he isn't, he still has a large support network to help him out when he needs it, so he will never feel like he cannot achieve something and won't fear going after what he wants.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2009
  16. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    ok but to clarify we, and the OP, and most people, are talking about social confidence, the quality, or in my opinion the result of certain qualities, that makes girls want to fuck certain guys brains out
     

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