SRS going to see a bereavement counselor

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by oakback, Aug 27, 2009.

  1. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    My grandfather is on the verge of dying, and my mother arranged for a meeting with a bereavement counselor. I'm 27, and I've been to plenty of funerals, but I've never really experienced the death of someone I was close to. My great-grandmother, my dad's stepdad who we always felt awkward around, a guy I went to high school with that I hadn't seen in 5 years (drunk driving, single car wreck), and most recently my beloved dog were about as close as it gets to dealing with grief.

    There will be several of us there, aunts and uncles, maybe my brothers, maybe a few cousins, not sure. Anyways, I'm not sure if I should have anything prepared to ask or say. My wife will be going, and wants me to ask things like do they have a gravesite already, and where will the funeral be, but I don't feel comfortable bringing those up, and I'm sure they're already taken care of.

    My mom and her 5 siblings have had regular meetings regarding their parents' health and such, they all go over the living will (props to Five Wishes) and their will regularly, one of my aunts is a nurse and goes over the medication regularly, one of my uncles is a financial planner so their assets are all in order, and another of my uncles is a lawyer, so I've positive everything is taken care of.

    As far as feelings and emotions go, I'm not sure how I'll feel after he dies. Right now I just hope he doesn't suffer (digestive system and such shutting down), and I feel he's lived a full and wonderful life as a great man. We have a huge extensive family that always loves and supports each other, so there will be no shortage of expressing feelings and crying on each others' shoulder, I'm sure (picture "my big fat Greek wedding" type of family).

    I think I have an idea of what's to come, in the way that people (wife and in-laws) offer me advice and their experiences on grieving, and I really just don't want to hear it. I sit and listen, but damn I just want to talk about something else, I'll deal with the emotions as they come.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2009
  2. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    I remember the best thing for me was to just be. I tried to tune out whomever was around me, and must self meditate. Once you find your personal zen, you'll deal with it your own way. Just make sure that if you feel like you're going to cry, to do it. Otherwise that good cry will grab you later when you're doing normal life activities. Good for you on seeing a counselor - the healthiest people are those that get help.

    Sorry for the loss, I can relate as my grandfather was to be a groomsmen in my wedding but instead passed away a few weeks before the big day.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I was spared death quite long, but when my grandfather died from lungcancer , you know, he was greatly loved so it hit the family very hard, and you really noticed that the more you are emotionally involved with a person wether it be family or not, the greater the loss feels, and the memory stays ,

    In time i learned that you should imagine you yourself who would have died instead of your grandfather, would you like to see your entire family in tears,misery and suffering for many years to come? Of course not you would want them to be happy and live their lives to the fullest. So instead of dying for your grandfather, start living for him, that's what you maby could advice others as wel before he dies. After death i've learned that the feelings of memory shouldn't be denied, rather experienced and processed, that way you'll become at peace with the whole experience.
     
  4. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Having people that cared about me around me and being there if I needed a shoulder to cry on, were the things that got me through my grandfather's death 3 weeks ago.

    I still am unable to sleep at night sometimes, because thoughts of my grandfather keep rushing back right before I pass out. It sucks, but I have my cry and then eventually fall asleep.

    Other than that, I really don't know what else would help. I don't think death is something you ever really get over or that anyone should deal with in one particular way.

    Just try your best to enjoy your life as it is with each passing moment and perservere.
     
  5. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    i just want to give props to your family for having everything in order :bowdown:

    my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given 12-18 months to live. however, once she got her prognosis from the doctor, she became extremely depressed. as her primary caretaker [my father, her husband, worked and could not attend dr visits, etc], i wanted to discuss both sides of the coin. i like to consider myself an extreme optimist, and i rarely give up on anything without a fight, but my mother went downhill fairly quickly.

    less than 4 months after her diagnosis, she passed away. we never got to talk about everything that i would've liked. my brother and i planned her funeral. for those of you who haven't gone through that, it's quite the daunting task! there are soo many decisions to make, and so many things to think of. :rofl: it would've been soo much easier had my brother and i been able to say, "i dunno... mom, what do you think about x,y,z?" thankfully my brother and i are very decisive and knew our mother very well. it'd be a hell of a lot easier to have everything laid out. having gone through this process, i know i want to plan things for myself.

    we didn't get a chance to organize all the financial paperwork, etc, so that was difficult for me to get in order after my mother passed away.

    absolutely! there were nearly 400 people at my mother's viewing as well as her funeral. it was great to see how many people cared about my mother as well as my father, brother, and i. :)
     

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