going nowhere. =/

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by deathofxromance, Apr 23, 2007.

  1. deathofxromance

    deathofxromance New Member

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    27th of this month is a year and a half with the SO.
    but i feel like we`re starting to hit a dead end.
    i love him to death and back, but things are.....monotonous.
    everytime we get together, we`re either at the movies,
    or at his house watching movies, or playing vidoe games.

    i`ve talked to him about it and he promised that he`d try harder.
    so today he asked me to come up early [around 2]
    and i got excited because i thought maybe he had something planned.
    when i got there,, he was washing his car. he washed mine.
    then we went to the movies. and then? we came back and watched tv.

    but its not just everyday stuff.
    our one month, we went to olive garden. that was cute.
    our one year? he made hotdogs and i made mac n cheese.
    then we went to the movies.
    for his birthday i planned a picnic with his favourite foods
    and came and got him and drove him to a pond.
    for my birthday? he came to the party.
    for valentines, i gave him a fishtank with a fishy in it that i snuck in and set up in his room while he was at work a few days before valentines,
    with a note that said "of all the fish in the sea, im so lucky that you chose me"
    i drove up in the middle of a snowstorm to see him on valentines day
    and, to the best of my knowledge, i got nothing.

    i don`t know what to do anymore.
    i don`t think it can go on like this much longer because i`m beginning to feel unappreciated. it`s like hes not even trying.

    please help me.
    i know i`m a girl, and i`m romantic,
    but why can`t he be atleast a little?
    he said he doesn`t know how to be romantic
    and i told him to google it if he needs to.


    i love him with everything i am,
    and the last thing i want to do is lose him.
    but things are going to be over between us if something doesn`t change - and soon.


    help.:sadwavey:
     
  2. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    this is exatly why i lost my ex gf and for some other reasons, but i know what your talking about. I think sometimes guys fall into a pattern that they just get very comfy with doing the same things and the relationship just becomes kinda boring. There is so much stuff to do out their, that it would take me all day to list them all. I really would get rather bored watching tv and playing video games expecially with the nice weather here. I started to do some different things with girls i had taken out like. Go to the park, beach, just take a walk, go on a hiking trail at some local park, play basketball, frisbee or whatever it might be but keep it fun. I would just mention it to your bf, and i think he wont have a problem with it. Also is your bf really busy like going to school and working etc? i was like that, and then i took things with my ex for granted which fucked things up because i had no time for myself rather someone else.
     
  3. deathofxromance

    deathofxromance New Member

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    no, i told him he needs to try harder.
    and he promised repeatedly how bad he felt and how hed try.
    he has school monday-thursdays until like, 3.
    then he has work like once or twice a week.
    and i`ve even told him that you don`t have to be rich to be romantic.
    i`ve even told him some things he could do.
    for instance, i would LOVE to go to the aquarium, or the zoo.
    and i told him i want to have a picnic at the duckpond near us.
    but its...just the same thing every time.

    no wait, he just told me that he doesnt know what to do.
    and i told him i can`t give him step by step instructions,
    and he says this:
    Him (10:15:17 PM): what do you want me to do
    Him (10:16:30 PM): if your bored say hey lets do this...
    Him (10:16:52 PM): dont just sit around while ur here then complain when you get home

    wow. i can`t even....i just....wow.
    completley at a loss as to what to do.
     
  4. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    This happens in all relationships, and I honestly think it may be what kills most of them.
    You have to 'nip this in the bud.' you have expressed your concern, and he hasnt fixed it, chances are he just doesnt know what to do. I am prone to believe that women get bored much easier then men.
    YOU are going to have to set an example. This weekend, (or whenever you guys have a day off) drag his ass out of bed by ten, and drive to the coast, or to any sort of park where you can hike. Spend the day outside together. At the end of the day let him know in the least naggy way possible that you need more out of your time together than staring at the same screen. That you feel ignored, etc.
    I am totally serious when I say that getting rid of cable was the best thing I have ever doen for a relationship.
    I hope that helps, keep us posted.
     
  5. otherlank

    otherlank OT Supporter

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    You know he isnt the only one that may need to change right?

    Don't put the entire responsibility of things getting stale on him. You could surprise him and take him somewhere different. Perhaps he needs some inspiration in getting started in changing things.
     
  6. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I typed that before you posted, so the 'he doesnt know what to do is certainly applicable.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I was going to write this next statement, then I read this post and though "damn, I'm glad I'm going to say this.

    You need to stop thinking he has to do everything. Trust me, I understand that at this point you are hoping he will take dome damn initiative and set something up, but sometimes that's just not a guys thing. So why not you set something up.

    You've already beat it into him that you are disappointed that he isn't doing things for you, and I feel for you, I know if it was me I don't know how long I'd last either. But like quamen said, guys tend to get into a pattern of what's comfortable and stick to it because they figure they already have you. But I still say you should set something yup that you want to do and maybe he'll start to pick it up.
     
  8. WilCon

    WilCon New Member

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    .
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    He will only change if HE wants to change.

    You need to decide if you want to stay with him like he is now, or do you want to break up with him and find a different guy that will give you what you desire.

    But trying to change this guy into what you want is not going to work in the long run. He may try to do it your way for a bit, but he will go back to his old ways.

    You can only control yourself, you can't control him. So either accept him like he is, or cut him loose.
     
  10. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    why dont you plan something. i hate when im in a relationship and i have to do EVERYTHING, and plan every outting. if you want to try something new, why dont you just plan something. Eventually he will see that there are other options out there. He can only change himself. Give him some options.
     
  11. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    What do you want him to do. Make your life more fun?
     
  12. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    What are you doing to try and spice things up??
     
  13. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    when i was with one of my ex's, we made it a plan to alternate ideas to do. It was really fun, because we wouldnt tell each other about what kind of date we were going on, until we got together. This way it was kinda a surprise, and it took the pressure off me to always figure what to do. It gave her a chance to show me things she enjoyed,even though i might not have that much intreset. The point was, i was with her and no matter what it seemed we did, i ended up enjoying it.
     
  14. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    It's the guy's job in the relationship not to be a boring sack. Yes we do have responsibilities in this area.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Jumping in here to kinda say more of what has already been said. Next time you guys are together, Yuu take some initiative, plan a few things, come up with a few ideas. This way you'll get a little variety, he can see what types of new things you want to do, and maybe he will respond better to examples.

    If after you have given him some examples, and tried it that way, and he doesn't change, you'll probably have to leave him...there's no point in being in a boring relationship.
     
  16. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    She's not asking him to do anything life changing. She just wants a little variety instead of doing the same 3 things all the time. I don't think that's too much to ask.
     
  17. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    yes. you are the man.


    exactly.

    This stuff is really important to girls and honestly to you as a man, even though you may not notice it much.
     
  18. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    and seriously, i have absolutely no sympathy for this guy because she is reminiscing over a trip to the olive garden...

    :rofl:
     
  19. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i know exactly how you feel, and i understand why you don't want to be the one to suggest things. the fact that he's being so lazy about it and his only idea is to ask you to suggest things to do is really frustrating. if this doesn't change, it'll drive you nuts. you need to be with someone who has the same ideas about fun as you do... someone who doesn't want to watch TV all the time, whether they're with you or not.
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Thats what some people want to do. The same 3 things all the time.

    I think the issue runs deeper than just what they do when they spend time together.

    He's boring and she can't stand it any longer.
     
  21. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    Truth be told. :bowdown:

    If he hasn't changed his actions after you told him, that'd be cause for concern.

    Maryland? Northern? I could be there in 30 minutes. :naughty: :o
     
  22. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Everyday Dollar Menu Diet FTW!! :mamoru:
     
  23. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    But of course it is ok for the girl to be boring as fuck her self.
     
  24. otherlank

    otherlank OT Supporter

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    I dated a girl that wouldn't want to go anywhere even when I would do all those nice little surprises. It's a two way street. You can't put all the blame on the guy. It isn't just the man's responsibility to take action to keep the relationship interesting. Both the man and the woman have the responsibility to maintain the spark because it's a relationship...it takes work from both sides in order to work.
     
  25. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    you are the man, you lead more often then not.

    There are perks. I personally would rather be making most of the decisions. I don't mind a girl who doesn't come up with most of the ideas as long as she is enthusiastic about mine.

    Id say (60% me - 40% her) is about my lower limit and (90% me- 10% her)

    at this point it isnt even about being creative or romantic as it is that it appears that he doesnt care about her. He knows the problem, and wants her to solve it. He's asking her to spell it out for him when she would be happy about a trip to the olive garden. How freakin lazy do you have to be to not be able to top the olive garden?

    I understand that there is such a thing as a girl who has far too high levels of expectations on the entertainment her boy should provide. it really does not seem like this girl is expecting her life to be a john cusaack film, so much as for this lazy bum to make any semblance of an effort to do anything for her.
     

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