SRS Going crazy in this relationship There is absolutely no reciprocation...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Papa Sil, Jan 30, 2009.

  1. Papa Sil

    Papa Sil Privileged User

    Joined:
    May 12, 2004
    Messages:
    9,286
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    , Location, Location
    First post here in The Asylum.

    Hi, my name is Papa Sil :hsugh:

    Anyhow... I'm with my girlfriend, we've been on and off for many years. I love her, I do. However, there are some things that just make me go crazy nuts. I'll spare the majority, but there is something that I'd like to vent about.

    She is what some people would classify as "high maintenance" and I think she agrees with this :hs:

    My problem is that there is absolutely no reciprocation in the relationship. So long as we've been together, I pay for EVERYTHING. Even down to the slightest things we do all the time. Whether it be renting a movie, buying dinner, picking up lunch, buying alcohol, going to see a movie, going places that cost money to get there and then having to pay to get in, etc.

    Now, I know the man is supposed to be the care taker and what not, yadda yadda yadda. I do everything for her though and get nothing in return. I get a thank you after buying dinner, sure, but I would just be irate if that weren't the case.

    She is also very defensive. Bring up something that she doesn't necessarily like hearing and it's all over. She'll get defensive, then try and turn it around, then tell me that she doesn't want to talk to me at the moment because SHE'S upset :ugh: So I try and avoid saying anything that bothers me in the relationship for fear that she'll just get upset and not talk to me :o

    Is any of this making sense? As I'm sitting here thinking of what to type I'm actually getting frustrated and pounding the keys :mad:

    There's more but I'm seriously upset now and don't feel like typing anymore. Besides ending it, which I don't, what else ya got? Anyone else experience this? :hsd:
     
  2. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    yes, and they are now ex's
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Break up for good.

    Stop wasting your time.

    Find your balls.
     
  4. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2008
    Messages:
    755
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    tell her you feel it would be nice if she paid for something?


    do you just volunteer to pay every time? have you ever asked her to pay? Maybe she has no clue you feel this way
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Since when, the Women's Rights Movement dissolved that cultural role.

    I've been there. My experience has been working on a better method of communication. Sitting down to talk at a table, setting some basic rules that are mutually agreed upon (no interruptings, blaming, yelling, arguing), and giving each person the opportunity to express their needs and desires goes a long way in helping improve the quality of some relationships.

    It doesn't work if both won't work it though. If someone isn't willing to work a concept like this, chances are the relationship isn't going to survive.

    I ended a relationship when the girl was unwilling to be reasonable. It was easy to end it under that condition, because I knew I did what was right and fair.
     
  6. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2007
    Messages:
    12,791
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    Nowhere
    run forest runnnnnnnnnnn
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    So, she's spoiled, immature, and selfish.

    And you're an idiot. You know what she's like, and you are still with her.

    I get it, you might not want to break up with her. So...work on changing things. Next time you go out, establish that she will pay or you will split the bill. Say you're going to do it, then do it. If she refuses to pay, or split the bill, have HER deal with the management for not playing.

    If you go to a movie, buy your ticket first. Then wait for her to buy hers. If she doesn't, then tell her "guess I will see you after the movie then".

    Basically, if it's gotten this far down, you're going to have to do some drastic things to change how it goes.

    But...if she expects everything to be given to her, and cannot communicate in a mature, adult manner, you're better off breaking up anyways.
     
  8. Özïµm

    Özïµm New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2009
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    The bra burners truly ruined it for us real women.

    I feel it's the man's responsibility to pay for dates and such. I also feel that a man should be the main breadwinner in the family too, while Mom stays home and raises the kids. However I'm 34 and never been married. Hmph.
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'd still prefer that too, but not as a social dogma -- therefore you can't have it both ways and so I subscribe to whatever my girlfriend feels most comfortable with. She comes from the opposite spectrum and so I respect it and appreciate the positive aspects of it. I like having more money in my pocket, I like having gifts bought for me and her taking care of me. It is not instinctively natural for me -- but she does fall into some roles, such as cooking, clinging to me for protection, wanting me to hold her hand so she can fall asleep (though I'm not much use I suppose), and preferring I drive and lead in more aggressive activities, like opening jars and carrying things that she can't.

    She's strong willed and won't back down if she knows she's right. I tend to know when to back down if she won't -- because it means I'm wrong. It's interesting how the opposite is true as well. I don't back down if I know I'm right, and oddly she backs down almost intuitively, knowing she's being unreasonable or is wrong. That's probably a good thing for us, we balance each other and help each other make better decisions.

    She's also extremely intelligent. She's always willing to do research on projects that I just don't want to touch. She also likes to move around while I prefer staying still. This helps speed me up and take party in things I otherwise wouldn't, and other times she slows down and relaxes so she can re-energize when she otherwise would tire herself out doing too much.

    I don't know how it happened, it was just a coincidence that I found someone who is perfect for me even thought I had a much different idea of what I thought was perfect for me.
     
  10. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    why dont let her know about the stuff you told us.if you want this relationship to work you may want to tell her these things. now if she doesnt want to listen and compromoise then yes its not worth it but i think maybe communicating a little more will help your situation
     
  11. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2007
    Messages:
    2,144
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC MO
    end it. it really upsets me when girls have the guys pay for absolutely everything. there's a new generation of women: the "i want the man to pay for everything like they did back in the days, but want full respect the women get in today's society" woman.
     
  12. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    I took the liberty to rank them in order of importance.
     
  13. Sephiroth13

    Sephiroth13 Beginning of the End

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,197
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    near some cows
    I would advise to get out of the relationship, this is very unhealthy. It looks like she wears the pants in the relationship. As you are the pack mule for the money. She doesn't respect you and you obviously dislike the fact that she can't even discuss the matter like an adult.
     
  14. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2002
    Messages:
    9,330
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SoCal
    You need to sit her down and communicate. Don't accept the "I'm upset, I don't want to talk about it anymore" as an excuse. If she is unwilling to communicate there is no point in trying to change her and you might as well break up. Basically, you have trained her to think that this kind of behavior is acceptable over the years and you needto break the habit.
     
  15. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You are being used. Basically you have the vagina in this relationship and she is fucking you over and over again. You don't want to lose her which she abuses to the point she can fuck you over.

    As said its something you need to weigh over, is the relationship and things you need to pay enough v.s what you get back for her, you probably aren't getting anything back from her other then her company. Being lonely sucks, and i think you should get out of such an abusive situation which such a selfish person. But in the end you have to weigh it off in terms of benefits vs disadvantages. :hsd:
     
  16. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    .
     

Share This Page