SRS God damn it! stupidity!!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SpeedLaci, May 14, 2006.

  1. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    God damn it! Well I guess I will get into it... I (was) coming up to my 3 yr anniversary with my boyfriend. Best 3 years of my life. Though I will admit he had secruity issues. And did not trust me. He knew i never cheated on him, but he just had trust issues in general. He was extremely jealousd and possesive..we were working on it and he got better, but still wouldnt let me talk to guys, or if i did he was ask questions and non the less get upset even if it was to ask me homework. so stupid me gets a phone on the side. not to flirst or hook up with guys, but just to talk to my friends, the friends he started tokeep me away from, even the girls...well needless to say he suprised me at my apartment last night and i answered the door forgetting to hide the phone, well he found it.. and saw the call log and left....he messaged that he is over me, i mean nothing to him and that i beter leave him alone. I cant get over him! I know he was wrong to be so posseive, and i was wrong to go behind is back with the phone.. but realizing both dont make me feel any better. he was all i had..we have broke up a couple of times in the past, either because of his stupidity or his dislike with my friends or whatever.. i know.. i know he isnt worth it. yadi yadi yadi.. it wont help me get over him.. i live alone.. and am so lonely now..i dont want a rebound.. i just want him back..but i know its not going to happen.. god i just want to hear something .. anything.. that will make this better.. or give me hope.. anything..i have tried the truth before, when i lied etc.. just telling him to the truth and just begged for his forgiveness.. and he usually forgave me but not without making me feeling worthless and depressing me...but this time..i really think he is over me.. and wants nothing to do with me. After 3 years of amazing love.. even talking about a ring...we were everything to eachother.. and now..without let me explain the phone he is gone.. and now forgotten about me.. Also he is the only one i have slept with.. i dont want to be with anyone else.. I just want him..
     
  2. scribblec

    scribblec New Member

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    no need to double post in here and vaginarium...
     
  3. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    sorry just looking for an answer
     
  4. i94tex

    i94tex New Member

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    I don't mean to sound insensitive-please don't take it that way. But if

    he has forgotten about you for something like this, then how serious could he have been ???
     
  5. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    well i quote .." you mean nothing to me, ya, that quick" i dont know if ithat was just out of anger... but i dont know how the hell i could leave someone without knowing the full story.. he didnt even let me explain he just let...im just so confused...do i call his bluff and just lower myself completely and beg for him back, just to get ridiculed, have him not trust me.. and have to work at another try at a relationship that will end this way...or just let it go, and let the best thing in my life go that easy for something so stupid...doing so would make him think i dont love him half as much as i do.. its a lose lose situation!
     
  6. i94tex

    i94tex New Member

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    I think you give him a little time to cool down.

    Perhaps those things were most likely said in anger. You never call someone's bluff or give them an ultimatum unless you are willing to accept the outcome (especially if it backfires).

    If you "beg for him back, just to get ridiculed, and have hime not trust you", that is no relationship.
     
  7. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    I know, but i think he has to do the same when he has had to beg me back. the worse of it all is we are identical.. so we know how to hurt eachother..and i know thats what he is doing to protect himself from being hurt...im just scared the time i give him will be just time to fall out of love with me. i dont want to watch my life pass me by.. but i dont want to push it or force it either. god where is the rewind button!
     
  8. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    You have every right to talk on the phone to who you want. It's your life. If he can't understand that, then he's either a huge jerk or he was looking for a reason to break up. There are plenty of great guys out there who aren't "extremely jealous and possessive." You deserve better.
     
  9. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    QFT
    Move on, live life.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    What you are doing is 'totally wrong'

    That you are staying in a 'unhealthy' situation despite that you know better is 'inexusable'

    That you are hurt as a result of staying in a unhealthy situation is only the natural outcome of the choices you made in life. Furthermore you have made your life 'dependant' of a guy while you 'should have' shown that you can live life on your own in an individual manner. If you 'loved' yourself, then you knew you would deserve better. If you 'believed' in yourself, then you would never let him make you stay away from your friends, if you 'supported' yourself, then you would have made a stance against his rediculous possesive paranoid behaviour. Especially because he was allowed (and im probably guessing this right) to talk to his friends, and to other female's.

    You should have at least given him a taste of his own medicine by forbidding him to see his friends,or female friends to show him what its like. The only thing you should be thinking now is 'he is out of my life, GOOD RIDDANCE' , you don't want to be with a guy who is possesive, and doesn't give you any breathing space.

    If you don't want to be alone you will have to step towards the people. You can't always get what you want in life, and you should never have gone into the relationship expecting it to work out just because it concerns 'your case', reality is that a guy can pack his bags and leave any day.

    Trust me, now he's gone what is left is you alone with your shattered heart. You need to give yourself time to heal, pick up the pieces of your broken heart, glue them back together again , and give yourself time to move on.

    Instead of letting some victim of the paranoid determine your life, take the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in 'your hands' , loneliness is not an exuse to bring the 'wrong' people into your life.

    You need to give yourself 'hope' by knowing that there's better out there for you, you need to start loving,supporting,believing in yourself, before you let someone else in your life, so you have a fundament to stand on instead of letting your life being swept away asif it where some wave.

    Broken hearts suck, but letting people into your life who suck, that make your life impossible to live makes that your life sucks even more. You are the only one who can say ' STOP , to here and no further ' against these kind of people. Trust me a person can look wonderfull, handsome,beautifull but its all no good if they are crazy in the head. Your bf was paranoid girl, your better off without him, and living in the constant fear that 'he might find you on the phone with friends' (for gods sake , big deal, they are your friends).

    He was constantly looking for an exuse to break up with you, what you want with a shallow guy like that, for christ sake get a grip on yourself and show you have a life of your own to live. Independant of mentally disturbed people, don't let your happyness in life depend on those kind of people hun.Thats my advice.
     
  11. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    If you know he isnt worth it, then why try to get back with him? I agree he was wrong by being controlling over who you talk to, and you were wrong by going behind his back, but two wrongs dont make a right. By doing it, you severed his trust in you (if there was any?). Theres no point in getting back into a relationship where there will be little to no trust. You also said that you've broken up and gotten together a few times throughout the relationship - usually there is a reason that happens, and it isnt telling you to get back in it. Sounds like you are very dependent on him because he's been around for so long with you. You need to pick yourself up and move on. Dont be the one crawling back to him because you'll show how much he really IS in control of you and your life.
     
  12. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    I need to show this thread to my best friend...she is doing the EXACT SAME THING....sticking with someone unhealthy just so she is not alone. :ugh: She also is dependent upon him too, I guess for his company...she even kicks me to the curb because he wants her around him 24-7 and even thinks she is cheating when all she did was go to the CVS. :ugh2: He also accuses her of cheating with his best friend when all they did was talk aboout him. I know because I was there. Point being they break up constantly and get back together the next day. He calls her out her name (the b word, etc. then says "i didn't mean it" the next day and she accepts this :eek4: He crashed her brand new car and made no effort to get it fixed yet; he has cheated on her (he confessed to at least 2 other females), and yet she still takes him back. He even lives with her in her grandmother's house and does not pay rent or anything although he has a job :(

    Now all I do is listen. Some days are good, but there are wayyyy too many bad days. I hate to tell her "I toldyou so" so all I do is lend an ear and ask "why do you put up with this". SHe knows she is doing wrong but just can't let go. :wtc: I don't know what else to tell her. :hs:
     
  13. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    I know i needto move on, its just it makes me feel like i am failing. .. like i failed in that erlationship..to let it end this way, or by not fixing it. i am not one to walk away from things i dont finish. and we arenot finished. The questions of what if.. keeping stabbing me in the back.
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Hon, you haven't failed anything, you merely need to realise you are stuck in a unhealthy vicious cycle of repeating the same mistake, and that you need to say to yourself 'STOP, to here and no further' then 'jump out' and never turn back. If you realise it completely, you thinking that you 'failed him' is merely an outcome of his brainwashing on you. Thinking that you would 'fail' if you would not let him controll you completely,by letting you live up to expectations that you shouldn't have needed to forfill in the first place.

    You weren't in a relationship to begin with, but merely a victim in his vicious circle of paranoia. Your are finished, he is wrong for being a control freak, you are wrong for letting yourself being controlled. You don't have to choose him as your special person, you can defeat your lonelyness with someone worthy of your time. You don't have to choose a bad person to spend your time with, that's your life lesson here.
     
  15. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    its just scares me how happy i was.. and now im not.. it was a really hard fall.. from being so fucking happy to holy shit im depressed... i dont know how to handle it.. i look at my phone every 2 seconds hopeing its him calling.. i know i will look for his car on the street.. and god knows everything reminds me of him.. but what sucks is.. how ignorant im being. i know that i will not be happy if we got back together... but i just dont feel like iw as ready to lose him yet.. he taught me so much.. ..
     
  16. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Well look you will always love him, thats not a bad thing. But you have to realise its over, and that thats a good thing, because you are stepping out something that was very unhealthy as you said
    , the moment to get rid of your dependancy on other people in your life to make you happy is now. Stop being ignorant and choose what is best for your own interest on the long term. You want someone who trusts you, and who you can trust back. Yes given that that takes time, but you really need to re-read those things i mentioned in my first post ,and 'aknowledge' that you are not making the right steps in your life. Life is like a mine field, you need to watch out where you step in order not to get hurt, while your trying to reach the finish line. The only thing you learn from mistakes is that you shouldn't make them. Going out with this guy was a mistake, that's all the closure knowledge you'll ever need.
     
  17. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    what frustrates me is to think about the life he will grow with out me.. i have been apart of his business and everything... i want to watch him succeed...i cant stand the thought of him with another woman, i cant stand the though of him even going out without me.. its killing me to think he could go out drinking and i wont be to take care of him because i know none of his friends will take care of him... i dont want him hurt .. and i was the only one who was willing to take care of him..
     
  18. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Everyone has a thing called 'free will' , BOTH have to want to be together, BOTH want to have to grow something together, both want to share, (PURELY) on false accusations he doesn't want to be with you.

    Or in other words.

    "When two do not trust eachother, they will only harm eachothers feelings"

    The life he is going to grow differs 'very much' of what you are perceiving in your thoughts. Do you think any other woman can even 'stand' to be with him? I feel sorry for the woman who he will meet, and those stupid enough to let themselves be controlled with him, that's not a future that's called 'torture' , hon, what he had to offer was nothing more then a nightmare to begin with. Your not missing anything if he is out of your life. Start getting a life of your own instead. He can and wants to take care of himself without you in his life. Yes its a shame, but its nothing worth mentioning to put your life on a halt for. Its HIS problem that he is paranoid. You can't do anything about that, its time that you start to realise that.
     
  19. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Change hurts, and it's probably not so much that you want him back so much as you want the uninterrupted routine of your life back because it was comfortable and you knew what to expect. Somehow the expected, even when it's exceedingly shitty, looks better than the unexpected - it shouldn't. This is in part why victims of spousal abuse will return to their tormentors - they believe they can't find better elsewhere, for instance, or they've been told that no one else will want them and they believe it. The pain of change - leaving the relationship and trying something new - is worse than the pain of staying, even if it gets them killed.

    You're the only one 'willing to take care of him' because you're the only one willing to be his doormat. Dissociating your emotions from him and his actions will help you to heal - if you don't tie your emotional self-worth to him or his life, he won't be able to control you emotionally like he's doing now. Seize this opportunity to make changes to yourself and your routine while you're out of your element.
     
  20. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    I know, i guess my first step is to get in better shape..its just i have always been distant from my family.. i have always had my friends.. but having him.. always made me fedel like i was connected to someone.. you know.. that no matter i always had someone who undestood me..or atleast acted like he did.. and not having any sensuality with someone or any sexual interraction. everyone who wants that with me.. i dont want that with them. how bad does that sound. i know alot of people who dont have anyone or anything, and i sound so stuck up saying that everyone who shows interst me.. i dont feel the same..
     

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