glass unleashes oneitis v.anything more interesting than "get over it" welcome

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by glass, Apr 27, 2007.

  1. glass

    glass New Member

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    this isn't going to work.

    it's like this is my wake up call. this has just stressed me out all night, and i know i won't be my usual self when i see her next. the happy, funny/arrogant glass from Tuesday and Wednesday would be away to make way for the pensive brooding one.

    there's no two ways about it..

    there are the reasons i've already established. the boyfriend left very big shoes to fill, and as often as i delude myself into thinking i'm God's gift to her (being her closest friend at the moment it seems), i know that filling those shoes will be a monumental task. i've never had a serious girlfriend, while she's seen every trick in the book.

    there's her new job. it's only Friday, 3 days since she started work, and i already feel like she's worlds away from me. she'll be meeting different people everyday, none of whom have the weaknesses of a certain jackass i had the pleasure of dealing with last year (who did win her over). two people i met recently are prime examples of the genuinely stronger players i haven't pit myself against yet; these are guys that don't need duplicity on their side to win. they're hard to go against because you can respect them.

    her family was just starting to grow on me too. on Wednesday i felt like i could really make her little sister laugh, that i wasn't as out of place in that house as i initially thought i was. i caught a glimpse of her temper while she walked that huge dog, and for a moment i could see our stengths and weaknesses supplementing each other.

    i haven't even gone into how this affects my friendship with my other girls. i want to be fair to my friends, but i'm willing to go further for this one particular girl. i can't see her going that extra mile for me. i'm definitely pacified if she doesn't break commitments with me to hang with other people.. but that's far from happy. i want her to enjoy my company, not to be tied to it by her word or by guilt.. similarly i don't want my friends thinking i'm spending time with them out of guilt or obligation.

    there's the fact that she isn't perfect. she still has some quirks in her character that can be smoothed out. it's hard enough to let go of her right now with these weaknesses still there; the dishonesty, absent-mindedness, self-centeredness, etc. how am i gonna let go of her tomorrow when her persona becomes impeccable?

    there's the fact that i'm not perfect. i spent tonight out with 3 other friends, and i'm checking my phone for messages the whole time. one friend insisted on battering me with questions about her. i dodged them well enough, but eventually, out of fear or insolence, i volunteered information about how much time i've spent with her lately (a lot). that isn't the worrying thing though.

    what irks me is that i'm hardly the Alpha Male; in fact i'm the complete opposite. sometimes i feel i'm the Omega Male, the mediocre specimen that's content with being mediocre. other times, i'm just genuinely happy that i am myself rather than an argumentative peacock. i don't bed women easily.

    even when i do, the bar is very high in all directions thanks to this girl. i know.. i should just go out and fuck something already. i've tried that. i've met other girls but they're all very far from holding a candle to her. the odds of finding another girl who has this combination of intelligence, physical beauty, drive, personality, sense of humor, and moral fibre (pending) that's also interested in me just makes my heart sink. plenty of fish in the sea, but there aren't many worth writing home about.

    she can get by. she sees me as a friend, maybe even a close friend. but if i put any distance between us, even as reciprocation for her misbehaving, then i know i might never speak to her again. she holds the cards in this friendship.

    the sad thing is there is no physical barrier preventing me from giving this a shot. i'm not interstate like a certain jackass who was after her last year. she's not ignoring me. i'm not butt ugly, and i'm confident that she has looked at me in a romantic light in the past. it's like the universe is holding back so i can fuck this one up myself, so it can spit in my face with impunity.


    CLIFFS:
    turning this girl i like into "just a friend" or forgetting about her is not gonna be as painless as i thought. in fact it's going to be very, very painful.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2007
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    cliffs? I sadly read that all but am confused to hell what you are trying to get across
     
  3. glass

    glass New Member

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    sorry.. i do that sometimes. cliffs added.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    God damn your writing is hard to read man!

    But anyway, it just sounds like you two are not matched very well, plain and simple. She's a self-centered, hot, probably outgoing girl. Why do you think those kinds of girls always chase after the "bad boy," or the guys who just don't treat them well? Because their insecurity feeds off of how those guys treat them. You said yourself you are not an alpha male at all. Your post is filled with comments displaying that you are insecure of your status in her eyes, jealous and worried already about other guys that you think could win her over. All of these things are big indicators of why you most likely will never work out, especially if early on it's not running smoothly and she's not over her long time ex.
     
  5. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    So you have to turn her into a friend because you dont stand a chance getting with her? Or you just don't want to deal with the competition to try and get her so you are throwing your towel in prematurely?
     
  6. glass

    glass New Member

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    we share the same values, even if we disagree on how to best serve them sometimes. for example, i never thought i'd want anything to do with even a mildly dishonest person and had a passionate dislike of dishonesty. this was until i saw that she does more good by "managing information" than i ever did telling the truth. she's able to keep a family of 4 (2 siblings and a single mom) sane.

    maybe i exaggerated about the Alpha male thing.. i can be aggressive, but it's not my style to dominate conversation. i'm not competitive when it comes to attracting random girls i don't know, but i don't like to lose when it's someone i really care about.

    i know i have a chance with her but it's very much a MacGyver situation - i need a lot of prep time. the chemistry between us is real, the shared values are there.. but the stupid materialistic things like being in proximity a lot of the time and having money to burn will help my competitors, especially with the "shiney and new" factor in their favor. i definitely can think of more things to add value to myself and her perception of me. but i also definitely prefer my chances with her than that of certain AMOGs hovering nearby.

    the chances of getting with her now are slim.. there's a lot stacked against me. we knew each other in college and she graduated first. as optimistic as i am, i know it'll be hard going against the glamor of the corporate world. it might be best to run and fight another day.

    i'm thinking of coming back to her later, after graduating and being more experienced with relationships. unfortunately, "getting more experience with relationships" probably isn't something many people want to help me with. i'd rather not do that to people.

    what irks me is that i don't have to throw in the towel.. i'll be choosing to throw in the towel, and that bites more than circumstance forcing me to.

    ===

    guys/gals.. i think my state of mind went from emotional to problem solving pretty quickly there. i appreciate it.

    i think you also mentioned this in another thread..
    why do you say it's hard to read? is it just the flow of it..?
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well it just sounds like you've been trying to "build" something with her...and if you don't make your move she's going to get bored man.

    I'm a girl, we get disinterested pretty damn fast if you don't do something about it. I know that if there was some guy I kind of liked (who had already met my family) that hadn't really stated and put it out there that he wanted to date me...I'd lose interest in him and start thinking about other guys. Timing has a lot to do with getting women. If she just broke up with a long time boyfriend who wa important in her life she most likely really needs some time by herself, and if you are front and center and there for her she could also just use you as a crutch-seeing as how you're just acting like a friend to her already.

    Basically I'm saying you should just back away, maybe give her some time and try a relationship later.
     
  8. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    Sounds you might need a bit of closure man. The fact that you're choosing to throw in the towel, instead of being forced to, might eat away at you, and you'll be wondering 'would I have gotten her if i tried?' after a while. or maybe not, but in some way or the other it will bug you.

    I'm not sure exactly how to get closure in this situation while still keeping this girl as a friend, but I'm sure some other people will have advice :)
     
  9. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I'm confused as to why you even feel the need to throw in the towel... All these things your perceive as obstacles may only be your perception and you won't know unless you try for her (She may not be looking at these other guys, or think it's 'bad' (for lack of a better word) that you are still in school and she isnt, etc). To me it seems like you are to scared to make a move so you are looking for all these excuses to back out before you even give it a shot. Just my oppinion though, and I may have read what you wrote wrong or something :dunno:
     
  10. glass

    glass New Member

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    i'm really feeling the "crutch" thing.. i would definitely be the rebound guy if i tried anything right now. this was initially my motivation for dropping the pursuit and just trying to be a friend to her.

    just last week i thought, if i could just "get her to laugh. give her something to write home about", then i'd be happy. she used to spend a lot of time with the ex.. now her weekends are bare. i feel better just thinking that the outings i think up for the weekend will be the meat of her conversation with coworkers the following Monday.

    she started work on Tuesday and i took the train with her in the morning and picked her up when she finished.. both arrangements we just spontaneously agreed on 10 minutes before the event, each time. on the ride home i felt genuinely close to her when she was complaining about everything at work.. she was more candid than usual, the courtesy barrier was down. "rebound guy", i thought. so i was able to shut down thoughts of making a move easily and just enjoy the moment - we were goofing and laughing and i know she had a great time, with me there as a friend.

    Tuesday and Wednesday i was able to make "getting her back on her feet" a mission of sorts and i carried it out happily. my confidence was invincible and occassionally i'd catch her smiling that way she smiles when she's trying to be cute. i remember a few weeks back i turned her down for a movie one night, and she got so drunk that night that she's still sick today.. it's conceited to think i'm her world right now, but i know i'm making a difference. the problem is she won't have as much reason to see me when she's back on her feet, thanks to this new world she's immersed in.

    another girl asked last night if i'd seen her lately and i finally admitted that i did, because "she lives close by and after the breakup, she has been a little lonely." and this was the truth - those times i'd seen her, my intentions were to be a friend. but this made me realize how much i still had feelings for her. i'd succeeded in locking those feelings away this week, but i coldn't lock them away forever.

    i guess you guys are right.. the real test will be when she's back on her feet and i do try to make that move. the fact that i am choosing to "fight another day" will definitely eat at me.. but at the same time i can say it was my choice. i prefer not to have fate/destiny as a crutch.

    ===

    thanks for the replies to everyone who did reply. i feel a little better just knowing someone's read this.
     
  11. glass

    glass New Member

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    just to clarify the "Omega Male" thing. i use the term to mean someone who genuinely wants the girl to be happy, sometimes at the cost of his own happiness. whereas the Beta Male is trying and failing to be an Alpha, the Omega's concern is to do what he feels is best for the girl. note that Omega behavior can, at times, resemble Alpha behavior (refusing to take her out when i know she has an exam) or Beta behavior (volunteering to pay in the guise of "let me get rid of some change").
     
  12. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    It just makes no sense. You don't provide any background info on what has happened with this girl, your post sounds like you are talking to a friend who already knows all the info. We know nothing at all about you or the girl so you need to give us the whole story. Each paragraph seems to jump to some random point about the situation but without any background info none of them really matter.
     
  13. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Yep, sounds like oneitis. Stop the mental masturbation and go meet some new women.
     

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