Girls who flake

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ww_Crimson, Mar 7, 2008.

  1. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    What is it with girls who flake all the time? There is a girl I know who I've been friends with for ~5 years now. She was best friends with another girl I knew and the three of us used to hang out semi-often. There is no chemistry or sexual tension between us.. we talk maybe two or three times a month, usually not for very long. She has said "I haven't actually seen you in a couple months we gotta hang out some time" and I've said "yeah that sounds cool, lets hang out on (xxx) and just grab some lunch or something". She's agreed it to two times, and both times flaked on me. Each incident was about 5 weeks apart. She always says that she feels sick or has cramps.

    The third friend doesn't see either of us very much anymore because she's so busy with school, work, and her boyfriend. When the three of us did hang out as a trio once in a while, the girl that I was speaking of above had a tendency to flake pretty often as well. She'd cancel on group plans, and plans with just the other girl.

    She's got some social problems IMO --- she's 21 and doesn't drive or go to school, still lives at home and works at a pretty low end job. For the most part she's a pretty decent looking normal girl so I'm kind of confused why she seems so scared to be around other people.
     
  2. squid

    squid braap

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    If she was into you she would have showed up. I hate the expression but it's that simple.
     
  3. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Did you read the post? We've been hanging out for about 5 years, it's just that she's always been a flake off and on. I have zero interest in dating her, and I'm pretty sure she has no interest in me either. I'm wondering why girls suggest to do something and then back out. Girls in general -- not just her.
     
  4. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    People flake because they don't want to be around you, for whatever reason. It could be because they just aren't into you or hanging out with you would somehow inconvience them (transportation, money, other plans)...they're too afraid to outright turn you down so they skip out at the last minute. Hmm, girls may be more likely to not want to "hurt someone's feelings" so they won't outright so no to begin with.
     
  5. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    It's a power play. She sets up expectation in your mind and doesn't fulfill it leaving you scratching your head and curious to find out what happened.
    Tell her she's a flake the next time you see her and you won't ever take any invite of her's seriously. Be butt hurt about it and see how she reacts.
     
  6. fray

    fray New Member

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  7. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Yeah tonight I said "It's strange that you're conveniently sick every time you ask me to hang out. I don't care if you don't wanna hang out but don't ask me to and then cancel." Never heard anything back.. anyways.. out to dinner for a diff friend's birthday
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I do this a lot with old friends. It really just comes down to them not being a really close friend. Just don't feel as connected to those people. I like them, just don't desire to really see them that much.
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    why bother making plans with people who flake on them?

    I give a woman 2 flake out chances in most cases, then I'm done. No point in wasting time on someone who you aren't certain will use that time.
     
  10. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I'm kind of torn on this one. On one hand I hate when people flake because it throws off my day if I'm planning things around those plans I made with someone. I try my best to not do that to other people too. But on the other hand I can understand why it happens (assuming that its an occasional thing). If you plan something for a certain day there is no way to know ahead of time how you are going to feel on that day. Maybe you'll be too tired to hang out or have other things you have to get done or just not be in the mood to socialize or whatever.

    In your case though you did the right thing. If someone flakes on you all the time then you should call them out on it and let them know that its not acceptable to treat you that way. They can either learn to stop cancelling plans with you or you won't talk to them anymore. Life is short. There's no need to waste your time with people who don't really care about seeing you.
     
  11. M.E.

    M.E. New Member

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    show up at her house randomly one day and force her to hangout.
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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  13. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    Then why would you set up plans to meet them ?
     
  14. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    This is what confuses me too. I never made the remark of we need to hang out, lets hang out, I miss you, etc. etc. If you don't want to hang out with someone why would you go forth the effort to initiate plans but then back out?
     
  15. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Girls flake all the time. They're either busy or have other options. Or she might be afraid to see you. Or she's pissed at you for seeing her so little over 5 years. Or you're boring to her so she's stirring up some drama for her own sick needs for entertainment. Who the hell knows.

    One thing for certain is that if she really wanted to see you badly or if she cared about you as a friend she'd make time for you.
     
  16. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    Even the "oh I want to be polite" is bad enough. But there is a difference between, oh we should hang out some day. And Hey, let's go watch the game and drink in the bleechers :eek3:


    So I check it out, have them all ready to be ordered, have the map and shit. Call her up and she is like uhhh I'm busy for the rest of the year:hsugh:
     
  17. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    People say "oh we must hang out soon!!" all the time but typically aren't being sincere. Not that they don't necessarily want to be around you, but that they don't actually expect the other person to set up formal plans. If that makes sense. I know I do it on facebook/myspace when friends from high school comment me or something who I have no intention of ever seeing again.
     
  18. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I'm incredibly flakey. I hate it.
     
  19. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Yeah I totally understand this and I'm even guilty of doing it myself, it's just this particular girl is so specific about when we should hang out that its confusing as hell. She's really a socially awkward girl -- doesn't have hardly any friends and she spends 90% of her time at home which I think contributes to the issue at hand.

    When she contacted me she was like "Hey my next day off is Thursday since you usually have Thursday off we should hang out".

    Anyways -- I haven't heard anything from her since I told her that she is constantly flaking on me but I don't really consider it much of a loss. She's honest and laid back but other than that she brings very little to the table even in terms of simply being friends.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I don't know because I never flake. It is wrong to do. When people do it to me, they are wronging me. It doesn't really bother me though, although I suppose it should. For some reason I don't think differently of them... I just ignore it
     
  21. squid

    squid braap

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    And thats exactly what I'm saying--if they're into you, they don't flake.
     
  22. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    My bestfriend is the biggest flake I know, but we've been best friends for 24 years (yes, almost my entire life) even though she's like this. I HATE the fact that she flakes on me a lot, but the fact of the matter is, if I ever really needed her (was in jail in Tiajuana, etc) she'll be right there for me everytime, no questions asked. A few years ago she drove 4hrs to help me move out when I got dumped on almost no notice, things like that.
    I think thats the important part to remember. If the person is a flake, do they do anything to balance it out, or are they just never never around? Do you have alot of history with them, or are they "new friends"?
     
  23. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Me too, i'm failing miserably. I have so much crap to do all of the time i'm too tired to do much else. I don't know how my friends deal with me.
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    those kinds of statements are supposed to be rules of thumb, right? generalizing without exception is - without exception - a pretty stupid way to think about reality, right?
     

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