girls suck (im back)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by zmiller91, Nov 28, 2008.

  1. zmiller91

    zmiller91 New Member

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    As some know, i was constantly bitching about my girlfriend, and finally broke up with her. And about a week later i went back out with her. Well, i broke up with her again, and it resulted in my laughing at her face while she cried and her slapping me. Anyways, the day after i broke up with her she flipped her car and asked for me to come help. Because i was with my friends that all hate her and me thinking that it wasnt that bad, i didnt go help her. Anyways, she showed me the pictures and they were quite bad and it made me wish that went to go help her.

    I have been trying to patch things up with her, so that we can be on a friend basis, nothing more. So ive been trying to talk to her and everything, but she wont take any of my apologies or any of my attempts to help her. Im trying to get over her, because, quite frankly, i still like her. And i dont know if im missing her or the idea of her.

    So, i dont know what to do. Should i still patch things up and be friends with her? Or should i just stop? The problem is, i dont think i can get another girlfriend because i was so used to how i acted around her, and i do not want to start all over again.

    Gah, girls suck. Or i do.



    Im putting my flame retardant suite on, so say whatever you want.
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    You can be friends with her, but not right now. Give it a few months so you can get over her.
     
  3. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Awww fuck, hate these threads

    Basically, I have remained friends with one or two ex's simply because we parted on good terms with no arguement, just a mutual agreement that things had come to a natural end. Under no other circumstances should you stay friends with an ex. It's just awkward as shit.

    The accident sucks, but if it hadn't have happened would you be having these feelings? Is it a wake up call or are you just reacting to a bit of a shock?

    As for getting another girlfriend, get over the one you left. And you left her for a reason
     
  4. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    you need to focus on yourself and your insecurities
     
  5. zmiller91

    zmiller91 New Member

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    i dont know why its all of a sudden after the accident. i think its the feeling of knowing she doesnt want me back. its a really selfish reason. it also makes it worse becuase all my friends are out of town, and i have nothing to do, so its so easy for me to go back to her...but i wont.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    UUUUGGGHHHHHH. Just stop dude.

    Leave her alone. Move on. You two are not going to be friends. Accept it and move on with you life.
     
  7. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    That's life bro
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I really just hope that one day you learn fom this. Instead I have a feeling you'll get back with her out of being pathetic or will just continue to date more girls just like her that treat you like their slave and not their bf.
     
  9. Julius

    Julius Guest

    Forget it dude, especially if her fucking car flipped. WOW.
     
  10. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    yeah bro she must be all sorts of ugly now
     
  11. zmiller91

    zmiller91 New Member

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    haha, all she did was cut her finger. the thought of her fucking another guy kindof sucks tho...
     
  12. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You're going to have to dig deeper for a bigger set of balls. Just maek a pact with wiyourself that you are never going to talk to her again, despite how you feel about her at any given moment.
     
  13. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    I sometimes wonder if some people here literally just have NO friends and talk to absolutely NOBODY

    because everybody fucks up at one point or another -- big deal, that's life, that's relationships, and that's how you both grow

    but jesus christ you can't enter a thread without people saying to "avoid someone at all costs" or "stop talking to that person"

    I'm damn fucking happy I sacked up and patched some of my relationships. It sucks, it's hard, it's confusing, etc. etc. but you learn a lot more about yourself than just avoiding everything negative about the people you know
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    patching up friendships, family, etc. things like that are well worth the effort.

    but patching up the relationship between an ex (with which you don't have ties to, such as kids) isn't even in the same ball park. what's the point? especially when you are having trouble moving on or getting over them. it's so much better to just cut them out of your life until you can get a handle on your emotions toward them.

    if he's being tempted to continously get back with her, i see no reason why he needs to keep putting himself in such a negative situation, which is only making him feel worse.
     
  15. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    I don't see the point in keeping in contact with someone with whom things end badly with.

    If you part on good terms with an ex, then by all means keep in contact, but if it ends badly then why prolong things. FFS she slapped him across the face. I don't view that as parting on good terms by any means.

    I still talk to a couple of ex's. Those that I don't talk to are the ones that either I fucked up royally with, or they did something bad to me.
     
  16. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    .
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    In for BlackIce's response to this since he keeps writing that comment in a lot of the threads but then disappears.
     
  18. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    I usually just read the response but don't reply. Too lazy to pan it out into an argument when it's something so subjective.

    The way I see it is if you run away from these things you're more likely to run away from "bigger" problems. You'll be used to the satisfaction (or, really, lack of pain) you get from avoiding this, so you'll be more likely to avoid other cases of uncertainty. Family issues, school, work, etc.. Every choice you make in each relationship conditions you further to behaving a certain way.

    It's great to have these things in your repertoire and the ability to walk away from an abusive situation is healthy and mature.

    But when we see threads like this you have to remember there is always another side to these stories. Some girl might be treating guys like shit, but what if these guys are needy, clingy bitches that bring it all on themselves? I'm skeptical if some of these stories even have accurate "titles" for the people involved. The way I read a LOT of them is if a guy says "this girl I'm hooking up with" to me it means "this girl I HAVE hooked up with and want to keep doing it".

    So there's loads of self-deception in a lot of stories. It just gets to the point where they are humble (or desperate) enough to reach out. Well, really, I think people are looking to vent more than take advice. And, in A TON of cases, getting it off your chest is more valuable than hearing others' opinions/suggestions.

    We tell them to run away. To what? Depressed people don't know what to run to! That's why they've created a dependence on something/someone unhealthy!

    WHAT DO THEY RUN TO?

    Do they avoid seeing them, but the mere conscious avoidance makes them get their "fix" somewhere else like Facebook? How many guys out there stay away from someone to avoid getting hurt, but pay attention to every Facebook/Myspace update or check AIM to see if she's online or away (and oh shit what does her away message say?!)

    Almost everyone has been there. We run, but we don't know what we're running to.

    Oh so you say "get a hobby". Well you should be doing that ANYWAY.

    I don't divulge in my personal life much here (besides my interrview). But I was big on running away. For 3 years I was very close with someone. Then the 3 years following I ran. Ran away (really, pushed away) from any girl who got too close -- who could hurt me too much. I didn't avoid them as much as pretend like I didn't want a relationship.

    Yeah it makes for some cool stories about being a single guy, but it wasn't fulfilling. It wasn't even not being with someone exclusively that hurt. But it was being happy in almost every other way, then knowing I was pushing away that hurt.

    Running away is just emphasizing our weaknesses. You don't need to be best friends with your ex, but be willing to coexist and be happy about it. It's not supposed to be easy.

    I met a guy from Amsterdam a couple nights ago and we started talking about trust in relationships (he was in a VERY LDR). The trust we need to have is not only between the people in the relationship. We have to have even more trust in ourselves that we can deal with all of the pain, sadness, happiness, remorse, love, anxiety, stress, giddiness, etc. that will come our way.

    I don't see much trust in avoidance anymore. Though, there are certainly many circumstances where you do need to avoid.

    Everyone's different. But I've been through assloads of pain, and the least regret I've had is when I trusted myself enough to take it head on and get through it. I refuse to be a prisoner to how anybody treats me.

    Take it as you want. I'm not looking to change opinions here. But nothing is ever so clear cut.

    And honestly I'm hurting a bit right now too. But my boss was going through a LOT of shit (best friend committed suicide, another friend died as well in the same week). He showed up at work the next day to grind shit out. I was so confused, and asked him how he could possibly do it.

    He looked up with blood shot eyes full of pain and said "champions play hurt".

    It lit a fire in me.
     
  19. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    fuck that was long and really went on a tangent

    whatever
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I get what you are saying, that we as readers here never know the whole story....but if you are like me, who has read about 4 threads from this same kid who has already admittedly proved and said he is weak, clingy, loves feeling validated by a girl who treats him like shit, you know the whole story already. Why on earth should some 18 year old kid who is too weak to break up with his emotionally abusive girlfriend (and stay broken up) force himself to what? Get back with her? He already knows his problem. Shouldn't he move forward, cutting her fom his very young life and by doing so learn that some things shouldn't be salvaged? Learn that sometimes it is necessary and right to cut bad people from your life who wont even make a dent in your existence 10 years down the line? Shouldn't he walk away knowing "I will never let myself be that controlled by a girl" again?

    Or do you think of yourself in most of these posters lives and think that they all have to face head on their issues by putting themselves back into the position that fucked them in the first place?
     
  21. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    I think there's just a slight misunderstanding. I don't think it's good to SALVAGE a relationship, or necessarily even feel the need to interact with the person at all.

    It's very much a personal, internal thing. Nobody should GO BACK to an abusive situation. Running away is more figurative than literal. It's a fast track to repressing issues. You're definitely right. "Walking away" from bad shit is healthy. I just think we're discussing slightly different things.

    It's not going back to what was. It's resolving it internally so you don't have to have those feelings come up that you have no control over when you randomly see that person. Basically, the way I see it, is if you saw your ex(s) standing in front of you would you have riled up emotions from anger, resentment, guilt, anxiety, etc. or sort of a humorous and admiring smile, like "damn I learned so much from that"

    the way I see it is if you deal with the emotions in the present, you have the whole future to create new ones

    but yeah we might have been arguing variations of the same concept

    as I read this again I'm not sure if the difference in our idea is coming across but I trust you'll see where I'm coming from... this post does make it seem like I agree but on different terms
     
  22. jimmyjoe

    jimmyjoe Across 110th Street, You can find it all in the st

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    That was a great read BlackIce, Thanks!

    Every relationship that I have been in, I have lived,and learned a great deal about myself, and the girl that I was with, no you can't go back, but you can still be a friend if needed, live and learn people.
     
  23. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I think you've been around the Vag enough to see, the I USUALLY put a time frame on the "cutting her out" part. 9 times out of 10 I'll say something like "Cut her out of your life entirely for a period of no less than a month, and when you THINK you are over her, wait one more month to contact her again should you want to."

    I agree that people need to come to terms internally with their shit, but it looked to me like you think he needs to be physically around her to do that, and that couldn't be further from the truth. People need time to heal from bad relationships (despite what the other side of the story is). It's like if you get a splinter in your finger. So long as that splinter is in your finger, the pain will ALWAYS be there and you will NEVER truly heal. But as painful as it is to actually remove the splinter (the initial pain is much greater than the steady pain of having the splinter there), it's still best to remove it entirely so that you can begin to heal.

    My advice to these people (and the TS) is to remove the splinter. Take your time to heal. THEN if you think you can be friends without bringing all the pain back, give it a shot and deal with it.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I completely understand what you are saying. I guess I just feel differently because I've been talking to this guy about this same girl for a long time. There have been (what feels like) thousands of threads where I've told the person that they needed to move on and in doing so they needed to cut that man/woman fom their lives for a "while." If not to reflect on why they broke up than to also accept being single and emotionally move on.

    I'm not saying every person that comes to the Vag with this guy's situation can never be friend with the ex...but most likely with this particular guy it's just not going to happen. If he allows himself to fathom a "friendship" with her right now we all know a friendship isn't going to happen yet. He'll never be able to just have friendly feelings for her until he takes time away from her and later feels over her in a romantic sense. He admitted himself that he selfishly just misses her calling him and begging him to stay with her, that's it. He misses being needed.

    I guess what I'm trying to say (and it seems Viper is on the same page too) is I too don't think he should be rude and necessarily ignore his ex girlfriend-that he probably notices all the time at their high school-but he can learn to keep a civil relationship with her in public, but that is where it should end. If he continues to try and talk to her in private he's never going to learn to move on. Never going to learn to grow by himself and learn why his relationship was toxic. He'll just keep trying and trying to get her affection back :sad2:
     
  25. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    Black Ice and IWYWB

    :werd::werd::werd:
     

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