SRS Girls mothering their guys...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by verbal, Nov 11, 2008.

  1. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    At some point in a relationship, is it natural for women to try to 'mother' their guy?

    My girl and I have an issue with this. And like most guys, I hate it. I'm sure there are some guys out there that like it, but I don't. Guys don't want to have sex with their mother.

    My girl and I have had numerous discussions about this. Her reasoning is that it's my fault. "If you acted like a man, I wouldn't try to mother you." Not quoted from her, but that's the idea.

    I think that's BS and that's just the way she is. I think it has to do with how she was raised. Her mother was with a lot of different guys while she was growing up. Married 4 times-- 4th being last month. And I see how her mother treats her current husband. Her mom is 44, husband is 31 (a year older than me). She treats him like she's his mother. Whether my girlfriend realizes it or not, she was raised seeing her mother treat guys like that, so she picked it up.

    What's your opinion on this?
     
  2. MissBangBang

    MissBangBang New Member

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    I know for me its habit taking charge...i'm the oldest of 6 kids, and feel like iv been a mother to them...so i tend to do it alittle.

    I dont mean to do it...

    My ex would always forget things or could never find things..so i'd always say " dont forget..." and he would get pissy with me, " you're not my mom, i dont need you to be one"

    Maybe have her be a dominate role durning sex to get out those overpowering needs..

    All else falls, show her whose boss lol
     
  3. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    That's part of the problem-- we don't have sex that much. Most of it is due to our schedules. I work 40+ hours a week, she works 30 hours a week at night. We have a daughter. So having time is tough. By the time we're alone in bed at night, both of us are exhausted.

    The other part of it is her mothering. I don't want to have sex with my mother. She mothers me so much it turns me off.
     
  4. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    Her side would probably be that I don't take responsibility. But I handle my bills, the baby, etc just like I should. In her mind, responsibility is doing what she thinks I should be doing. If that makes sense.
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    if by "mother" you mean change, yes.

    I wrote that above before I read this
    :rofl:

    she's not mothering you, she's trying to change you. there is little that's more aggravating than when my wife does that.
     
  6. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Probably the same reason why some guys try to father their women... It's instincts taking over. Our natural instinct is to reproduce and raise/protect our offspring. If you're not having sex then you're not reproducing so the only thing that is left is to act like you're raising/protecting a child.
     
  7. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Again it's just their maternal instinct...
     
  8. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    only if "maternal instinct" means "I love you but there's just this *one*little*thing* that if I could change about you would make you perfect."

    too bad there's an infinite list of "one-little-things"





    cliffs: it's not maternal instinct, this has nothing to do with mothering.
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Who cares WHY she is doing it? The fact is, she is doing it...she's not happy with you, thinks you are not a grown adult, and wants to change you or take care of you.

    Why are you with a girl who does not respect you?
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Are you guys in couple's counseling yet? If not, when are you starting?
     
  11. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    Saturday.
     
  12. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    Trying to make it work for our daughter. But I'm starting to feel that we're beyond fixable.
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    If your woman is mothering you, then it means that you likely have SOMETHING in your life that she is trying to "fix" and that you should do some introspecting to see if it's something you SHOULD fix.

    It's also very likely that her attraction to you is based on this "fixing" and not on actual healthy feelings in a relationship.
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Odds are, this has been happening since the beginning of the relationship...but, like Viper said, some women like to get in relationships to try to change people rather than get in them based on compatibility.

    I'm not against women doing projects...but grow a garden or something, don't try to "fix" a person.
     
  15. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Men for the most part seem to be happy with their woman if she basically stays the way she was when they first met, women seem to think at a point in a relationship they can change their man. When a woman meets a man do they ever really accept that person for who they are? or do they think to themselves "well he's pretty good but I can make him better"?
     
  16. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    I think that's part of the problem-- she has no hobbies. Nothing to call a project. Nothing she enjoys doing other than spending time with our daughter and watching a few prime time shows.

    I'm always wanting to learn something and I always (try to) have a project/goal going outside of work.
     
  17. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    while i understand your desire to be a family for your daughter, if you and the gf have a bad relationship, you are doing more harm to your child than good. she will learn what a "healthy and normal" relationship is based on what she sees, which is you guys. if you are unhappy, i doubt you would want her involved in a relationship like yours.
     
  18. stryfe101

    stryfe101 New Member

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    damn this sounds just like my ex...she wanted to protect me from what people did to me at first, then she changed and basically became the one to hurt me all in an effort to change me, but yeah she mothered the hell out of me, I thought at first I could deal with it...but in the end..no. I don't go looking for a woman that I can change into a better person..so why do women have to do that to us guys...it really messes us up!
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It really comes down to she wants to "fix" you. A lot of women do it. I wouldn't say "all" but a lot get this sort of self righteous "I'm going to fix him!" even if they need fixing themselves.

    In your case, your gf has a ton of issues that we've learned from your threads and all she is doing is trying to ignore that she's not perfect by putting all the attention on you to devert you from fixing her. I think subconsciously she wants you to feel it's all your fault.

    Hope your couple's counseling goes well Saturday.
     
  20. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    I agree 100%. But our daughter is really young. She has no idea what's going on and we don't argue in front of her.
     
  21. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    I'm really glad you said that. You hit it perfectly. She does turn everything into my fault.

    I'm hoping counseling helps her see her ways and that she needs help. I'm not saying I don't need help either, because I do. I'm still not sure if she knows she needs help and is in denial or if she thinks she's perfect. I'm leaning more towards the former.
     
  22. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    You probably need to get off the idea of "mom" & start thinking "woman."

    I would feel so unsexy if my fiance kept comparing me to his mom every time he got annoyed.

    & get rid of your TV.
     
  23. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    just because you dont argue in front of her doesnt mean that she cant feel the tension or the fact that everything is not ok. i was young when my parents first started having problems, but i knew something wasnt right

    and she might be young now, but what if thngs dont get fixed, and she starts to become aware and knows whats going on?

    edit: i really do think its good that you are trying to do whats best for your daughter. im just offering a different perspective, having been that child watching my parents in a bad relationship. i feel lucky that they each re-married and were happy because i finally saw what love and marriage should be
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    vodka is right. I've heard so many people say that even when they were really young they could feel and see that their parents weren't happy. It always bugs me when people use that excuse "but we don't fight in front of the kids!" Kids aren't stupid. I used to know just by my parents body language and faces that they had been fighting and/or were upset.
     
  25. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    she knows.
     

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