Girls have the worst timing

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by white lightnin, Jun 7, 2005.

  1. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Messages:
    480
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is more of a vent thread than an advice thread. I really have no idea about how to deal with this, and even how I really feel about it. Well here is the situation.

    Girlfriend and I are spending the majority of the next year apart (Been together minus one break for 4.5 years), as we are both participating in study abroad programs. We sort of had an open relationship kind of deal, but after about a month with neither of us looking to anyone else, I think we pretty much decided to stay close...

    Well, out of the blue she drops this huge bomb on me. When we broke up about 10 months ago she lied to me multiple times about her and this guy as we were getting back together. I kind of figured she was lying at the time, and it pissed me off. Yet, I was able to move past it. She didn't cheat on me or anything, but we all know how women love to jump on the rebound train ASAP.

    So now a month into my program she decides to tell me that she was lying because she couldn't live with herself. As of yesterday, this was a non issue. I didn't care about what happend last year, but for some reason she felt the need to tell me now. I'm not going to see her in the next year except for a few two week-month increments so I feel like I can get no closure on the issue.

    To make things more complicated, I have been keeping something from her for quite some time as well. I feel like now we can talk about such things and get closer, but thats hard to do on opposite sides of the earth. So... WTF why did she tell me this now? I told her I wanted to share something to, but in person not on the phone.

    Well Im really rambling now, I just feel confused, angry, hurt, and alone. No one to really talk to about this etc.

    Cliffs: Girlfriend drops a bomb on me one month into a year of long distance relationship. No way to deal with it and get some closure. Why is she so dense? :wtf:
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    What are you keeping from her that you can tell her now?
     
  3. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Messages:
    480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, its something that I have had a problem with since even before we met. I kind of feel like I need to put it out on the table now.

    Not comfortable saying anything on here b/c I'm the only one who knows about it. Not a good thing for sure though.

    Guess, two wrongs don't make a right, but I still want to be with her. So its either gonna be really good or really bad...
     
  4. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Messages:
    20,549
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    I would have to say, let it go. It happened so long ago, the fact that she has brough it up now is just silly. But if the two of you continue to drop bombs on each pther at the beginning of a long distance relationship it is only going to complicate things further. You have to let a lot of petty jealousies go when you are doing the long distance thing, and shrug a lot of things off. Remember that a lot of these little relationship squabbles will be intensified specifically because of the distance as well :) Good luck to you, long distance relationships are my favorite kind!
     
  5. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Messages:
    480
    Likes Received:
    0
    I guess its just hard to deal with because one of the things I valued about our relationship was the fact that we both to the full extent had only been with eachother.

    I have to work out the problem that if I want to be with her I won't ever be with anyone else. Things just seem more serious than they did before. Her confession put a lot of my own motives and ideals into question. Yet I think being aware of this and telling her about it lets me accept it. Before this happened I kind of felt that during our time apart I could have had a little fun and had her be none the wiser. You know get the bug out of my system, but now I think I realize the full reprecusions of acting that way and the way I have in the past. An open relationship isn't really worth it in my opinion.

    Its kind of an all or nothing situation. I realize that I want to be completely in it or I'm just living a lie...
     
  6. naughtie

    naughtie New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2005
    Messages:
    7,659
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    U.S.A.
    So.... did you fool around during this time as well? Cuz that's what it's soundin like to me..
     
  7. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Messages:
    480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nope. Something in a similar ballpark though I guess..

    I hate situations like this its so hard to move past base reactions and make it to a conclusion. Rationalization and contradiction abound.
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Well IMO there are two things you can do:

    1. Blow it off, treat it like she was being open and honest.

    2. If it were something stating she was cheating on you, I tend to take those as "warnings" that she is doing it again and trying to get you to break up with her. If my GF came to me and told me she cheated I'd probably kick her out on the spot. I've been in enough relationships where I did not trust my SO and I'll never do that again. Complete waste of time.
     
  9. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Messages:
    20,549
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    Well it is not like you are getting married. Relationships are just testing the waters for now, do your best and if you dont feel 100% it is probably not fair to either you or her to waste your time. Essentially that is all you are doing if you are questioning so much. I mean, don't get me wrong, we all have our doubts from time to time. But I dont think the reason for your doubts are her possibly cheating ages ago, I think it would have to run a little deeper than that. So her bringing something up in the past, and your wondering if you should bring up something you did in the past, is not really the issue here. It is whether you are really ready for a relationship. Especially a long distance one. If you are still feeling like you need to live your young and single days up, then maybe it is time for a little distance while she is gone. Just be sure to keep a "dont ask dont tell policy" because more often than not people ask questions that they really dont want to know the answers to :)

    Bleh, and that is my novel ;)
     
  10. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Messages:
    480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the replies guys. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this. I guess its hard not to dwell on it when I can't talk to her about it face to face.

    As to the seriousness of the relationship, We have been together for about 4.5 years minus the breakup. Since we were broken up and not talking at all at the time she didn't cheat on me really.

    Its just that she is the only girl I have been with and with the possibility of us getting more serious after our time apart I think she wanted to let me know that she had been with someone else because she wanted to be fair to me. This just all goes back to young love. It is almost impossible to grow and change with someone from a young age in this day and age.

    Well, I will see her in a couple of weeks, so I will update this then. Otherwise I think I am just rehashing the same feelings in an endless cycle.
     
  11. bromide

    bromide New Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2004
    Messages:
    6,817
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    oakland
    did you switch teams :squint:
     
  12. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2001
    Messages:
    1,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Flori-duh
    Distance does funny things to people. It may very well be that you both feel the need to confess because without the other, you have a hole in your life. And you both may be realizing that as much as you looked at other people, it wasn't right, it's not going to be right and oh shit, I better make it right with my other half because I now know how good it is.

    If you both have something to confess, and if you both want to stay together, and staying together is more important than anything else you might have to confess, you might offer a 'get out of jail free' card to each other, offer absolution for an equal 'burp' in the relationship and just forgive. Because it strikes me that the uncertainty is more serious than the actual offense. Don't let it tear you apart.

    I tend to think that people here overrate the importance of total confession. Sometimes, things can just go away if you allow them to. People often say "I want to know everything," but they really don't. Knowledge can be deadly, because too often people have unreasonably high expectations of another's humanity.
     
  13. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Messages:
    480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Man, you are right on target with your assesment. Thanks for summing up some things I have been thinking lately.

    And, no I did not switch teams, quit asking, cause I aint telling.
     

Share This Page