Girls and virginity

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by niquesuave06, Aug 30, 2006.

  1. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I thought I remembered someone saying awhile back that a guy shouldn't take a girl's virginity because she'll probably
    a) freak out and get really attached
    and/or
    b) eventually think the only reason you're with them sex

    Are these usually true? If so, how would I go about countering 'b'?
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    well ur not having sex right now. does she think the only reason you're with her is because she's a good friend?
     
  3. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    No, she thinks the only reason I'm with her is because I want sex. That makes her not want it, which I would understand. If I was dating a girl and she was only dating me for, lets say, money (I don't have money :mamoru: just an example) I wouldn't want to spend all my cash on her.

    She said she feels like everything I do for her is motivated by sex. Which, admittedly, sometimes things are. . .but most of the time I do things for her because of how much I care about her.
     
  4. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    I believe the first one being more true over the second. I know that I was uber attached to the guy that took my virginity, and my friends all seem to have similar situations. But I think that anyone (male or female) is always somewhat attached to their first.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Why would she believe this? Can you not get sex elsewhere?
     
  6. The Repair Man

    The Repair Man New Member

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    If not a guy, then who? or what? I see it as: I guy shouldnt take a girl's virginity, it must be given to him.
     
  7. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    You misunderstood. It was stated elsewhere that a guy is going to be facing some serious emotional issues when 'taking' a girl's virginity, including the emotional attachment and also the fear of sex being the sole reason the guy sticks around.

    "Taking" someone's virginity is a pretty misleading phrase. I assumed it was obvious that I didn't "take" her virginity but that it was a mutual decision without pressure.

    Anyway. . . I was 'given' her virginity, it was her choice and, once again, I didn't pressure her. She 'gave' it to me because she loved me and wanted me to be her first, and I 'took' it because I felt the same way.
     
  8. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I don't really know why she thinks this. My theory is that when we experienced problems (ie 'low points') in our relationship, the amount of sex decreased and subsequently was made into a bigger deal. The bigger the issue (sex) became, the more it seemed like it was incredibly important. . .Basically a downward spiral to where we are now.

    I also remember hearing something that seemed very true, which was something like sex is 10% of a relationship when you're having it, and 90% when you aren't.

    And on the issue of getting sex elsewhere. . .Yeah, I wouldn't have any trouble finding sex in other places. However, I won't as long as I'm in a relationship. I'd never cheat on her, but I know I can get it (not to say that I thought you meant I should cheat, just clarifying). Girls flirt with me, they invite me out, and they make it clear they're interested. Not trying to sound cocky, but getting another girl wouldn't be difficult.
     
  9. The Repair Man

    The Repair Man New Member

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    I'm sorry, my mistake. Trying to read to many threads at once. Next time the two of you are alone do something corny and fun instead of sex. Or next time you're having sex, satisfy her, and stop before your finished, and talk to her and tell her how you feel and that you only did it to satisy her. Make sure all lines of communication are open..
     
  10. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    :bigthumb: Good ideas. I've been focusing on not doing anything that makes it seem like I want/expect sex so she can see that I have good intentions (which I really do). I need to make it clear that sex is something I enjoy and want to have with her, but that it's not the reason I'm with her. Honestly, relationships need sex and/or physical intimacy as much as emotional intimacy, and when we're not having the physical part for whatever reason it creates tension.
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    maybe this is too rational, people accuse me of this

    but why don't u just state the obvious

    "how the hell would i just be in it for the sex? if i were just about the sex i could go elsewhere."
     
  12. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Actions speak louder than words. Just saying it hasn't worked so far.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Do you mean to say that she doesn't believe you could go elsewhere for sex? You would have to actually "act" it out, i.e., cheat, for her to believe that you could get sex elsewhere?
     
  14. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    No, I mean that changing whatever actions lead her to believe I only want sex is going to do a helluva lot more than just telling her "I'm in our relationship for more than just sex."
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    So don't say that. Say exactly the words I just said. :hsugh:
     
  16. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    insecurity = disbelief

    i.e. perhaps she is insecure about some things so she doesn't believe (or has a hard time believing) you would want her for more than sex?

    what are you doing / can you do to help her realize you care about her and are in the relationship *with* her and not just for the sex?
     
  17. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I do nice things for her ALL THE TIME. Like, it's to the point of me being fed up. If she can't see that I genuinely care about her through all that I'm not sure if she'll ever see it.

    To top all this off, now she's pissed at me for something else :ugh2: Man, I need to find a girl that appreciates me.
     
  18. affende

    affende Resident 4X4 Elitest Prick

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    you know my opinion on the subject ;)
     
  19. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I know, and I thank you for it :hs: I'm 6 hours from home at the moment, and she is the only person I know. It's tough to let go, even though I have all these other opportunities with girls.
     
  20. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    Hehe, Stage 5 clinger, watching wedding crashers right now. That one usually seems to be true I think. But I am sure in some cases its not like that. To make her think your not in it just for sex would be to spend time with her doing things that remind you nothing of it. I dont know how long you have been with this girl but if its been awhile, she should realize if you wanted just sex from her that you wouldnt have stuck around that long. If a guy is around lets say a year or whatever he most likely is not in it just for sex.
     
  21. PSmitty87

    PSmitty87 New Member

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    She's gotta lose it to someone...
     
  22. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    We've been together almost a year and a half.

    I've been making it obvious that sex isn't my only intention the last few days. I haven't been as physically affectionate when we're alone, and I haven't said anything that even hinted I was wanting sex. I think it got to her. . . :o

    I'm going to see how things go. There are a lot of things in my life that have changed since we started dating and/or since we slipped into the unhappy/unhealthy relationship we have now. I've been working on fixing those things for myself (mainly self-esteem issues and depression) and I have a hunch that becoming my 'old self' will bring a lot back to the relationship, too.

    And if it doesn't bring something back to our relationship, it doesn't matter. I'm changing those things for me. If she wants to have a great relationship with a guy who is going to always treat her well she can, provided she does her part, but if she doesn't I'm going to go my own way and find someone who knows what she wants.
     
  23. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    wow, I have/had pretty much the same problem as you...SO thinks i'm going out with her just to 'satisfy my sexual needs'. What I did was basically completely cut back on any physical contact, and then take a month-long break over the vacation...now we got back together about a week ago and I'm looking to take it from here.
    Keep us updated with how it goes!
     

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