girlfriend's thinking about moving away... v. need some advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by RacerJ, Nov 9, 2009.

  1. RacerJ

    RacerJ New Member

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    this is a bit long, sorry

    backstory : i've been in a relationship with my gf for 3 and a half years. we started dating between the end of my sophmore year and beginning of my junior year of college. things have been really great between us, i feel such great chemistry when we're together. sure there are things about her i dont like, but ive accepted her flaws since i certainly have my own share.

    she graduated from college this past summer, and began working a full time temp job to pay the bills cuz of the economy. her best friend moved away to europe for a year, so she had to move out to a 1 bedroom apartment by herself. all of her college friends have moved away or aren't really good friends anymore. I on the other hand live with 3 good friends from college who i hang out with regularly, and have a few other groups of friends to hang out with.

    lately she's been feeling really lonely. her mom lives an hour away, and she's thinking about moving out to california with her boyfriend (we live in texas). my gf also has a lot of other family out there who she really enjoys visiting. she also wants to get a job with her degree (majored in advertising), and LA is one of the places to be for that kind of work. she's always said she wants to have different experiences in live, such as living in different cities/states. so, in the past few weeks/couple of months, she's been heavily considering moving out to los angeles. one of her cousins from LA came down this past weekend to visit her, and told her that she could probably get a her job if she came out there. she also said that my gf could stay with her family until she gets on her feet. so, room and work have pretty much been taken care of (although the job is not a complete certainty). tonight we've been talking about things, and i can tell that this is something that she's really wants to do.

    neither of us are ready to get married yet. we're both in our early 20's. if i were 10 years older, i would have proposed already, but i dont want to be married and neither does she. proposing to her now wouldnt really fix anything, because then she'd be tied down here and her loneliness issues wouldnt be fixed. i'm basically the only thing tying her down.

    now, i've tried to help her fix the loneliness thing. ive encouraged her to go out with coworkers and to meet new people, but i cant really make friends for her. i think even if that issue were fixed, she'd still have the urge to move away and have a fresh start anyway.


    my problem is i dont know how to feel about this. if i were a 3rd party and didnt have any stock in my feelings, i'd tell her to absolutely go for it. you're only young once, so why not get a fresh start somewhere new. the problems is i really do love her and dont want her to go. one "easy" solution would be for me to move out there with her. the thing is that i just bought a house here and have a really good job that i enjoy and am kicking ass at. i dont want to give that up and have to start over. also, all my friends and family are here so i'd be leaving all of them.

    my brain tells me it'd be best for her to go, but my emotions arent logical. so, i really dont know how to feel about all this. it's probably going to happen sooner or later, so what should i be doing to prepare for it? should i just break up with her now, which would make it easier for her to leave and would help me start healing immediately? should i try to long distance thing even though i know that wouldnt work out, in the off chance that she hates california and wants to move back? im having a really hard time trying to figure out what's best for both of us at this point :(

    has anyone else gone through a similar situation? how did you feel about it? how did you feel about it 6 months later?

    cliffs: girlfriend wants to move halfway across the country. i dont want her to move and cant move with her, what do i do?
     
  2. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Sometimes you have to let people go if you really love them, and it's what will make them happy. You'll both find other people. Like you said, you're young.
     
  3. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    It would be best for her if she left. That much is obvious.

    She's in a relationship, but yet is still lonely. By moving she can be closer to family, friends, and get a new job she'll enjoy more.

    Of course, that's easy for me to say not having any stock in it. I might be in a similar situation to you next year when my g/f goes away to grad school.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sounds like the answer is obvious, just very hard to accept :hs:

    She's going to follow her dreams, if you try to hold her back she'll only resent you. If you uproot your life for her (that's if she even asked you...) you'll most likely be miserable and fucked. Sounds like it's time to have a long sit down about what's going to happen and lay out options.
     
  5. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    As shitty and hard as it is, loving this girl also means watching her grow and better herself. Unfortunately she knows what she wants/needs in life and has an opportunity to go and pursue that and her degree.

    It really hurts and its something that 'isnt fair', but such is life.
     
  6. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    Has she been to LA?
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Sorry, bro, but it sounds like your relationship is approaching it's expiration date.
     
  8. RacerJ

    RacerJ New Member

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    yeah, her family lives in riverside :ugh: . her mom and mom's bf will probably move to orange county. she visits her family out there all the time, and always seems to have a great time.

    obviously visiting a place and living there are completely different. ive tried to tell her that any monetary issues she has here will be exacerbated there, but at least she'll have a larger group of family to fall back on if she needs to.

    it sucks, after talking with her last night about everything i feel like we've basically already broken up. i know she doesnt feel that way, but i do. if she doesn't end up going out there, im going to know it was because of me and feel extremely guilty... ugh
     
  9. RacerJ

    RacerJ New Member

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    we're going to do this tonight. really not looking forward to it.
     
  10. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    :hug:
     
  11. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    Traffic jams every hour of the day were a novel and interesting experience.

    The amount of available, hot women kinda freaked me out too, having lived in Seattle/DC as an adult, i'm used to the odds stacked against me, instead of in my favor. I dunnow, I kinda like LA.
     
  12. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    werd :o:hs:
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :( :hug:

    in for update
     
  14. RacerJ

    RacerJ New Member

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    well that wasnt as bad as expected. yesterday when we talked, i really felt like we had just broken up, and i was expecting us to just get it over and done with tonight. we talked about everything, and discussed how she has a lot of financial issues she needs to take care of before she can move. so i guess i have another 6 months or so before she moves.

    although really this is just delaying the inevitable. i know she is going to move to california once she gets on her feet financially. i told her that i think it's the right decision for her, and even though it's going to be incredibly painful for me, i support that decision. one of the hardest things ive ever had to say...

    so what do i do now? there's an ending to everything in sight, so should i just try to enjoy the time we have left? breaking up right now would probably be the smartest thing to do since it would give us time to heal, and it would make the move easier on both of us. i would like for us to stay together until she leaves though, since i guess it gives me a few more months of happiness. itll probably make things worse in the long run. i think she wants to stay together too until everything's completely set in stone


    thanks everyone for the advice, it's been really helpful
     
  15. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    deja vu :run:

    But goodluck, it's gonna hurt like hell, but just enjoy the time together while you can. Hopefully knowing she's leaving doesn't tear you guys/your heart apart first :hsd:
     
  16. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    This is the same situation with me and my ex too. We are supposedly broken up but still hang out and shit.

    honestly, I think you can enjoy it until she leaves. When she is not there and you just have no way of seeing each other, healing is always easier. But it's all up to you to decide. Seems like the person that stays in the same place gets hurt more so I dunno:dunno:
     
  17. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Dude, if you refuse to go and she refuses to stay, there's something else wrong with your relationship.
     
  18. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    If you love it, set it free. It'll come back if it loves you.
     
  19. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Thats the most bullshit i've ever heard in my life :rofl:
     
  20. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    No no, it's:

    I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.
     
  21. RacerJ

    RacerJ New Member

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    yeah, it'd be really weird for her to still be here and us not to be together. it will definitely be this thing in the back of both our minds until she finally tells me she's leaving, but at least we'll be able to enjoy the last couple months.
     
  22. ndnxtc

    ndnxtc New Member

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    i'm in a similar situation. i'm just about done with my engineering degree and have been applying for jobs left and right, but no news back from any prospects. i moved here from TX for school.

    i absolutely adore the chick. i get along with her like no one else. we've been dating for 7 months so not anywhere near as long as you... the other night she asked me if we'd be able to spend new years together. i told her i'd love to but i just don't know where i'll be 8 weeks from now. if i don't have a job, i won't be able to make my car payments, bills, student loans, rent, etc.

    this was not cool with her. i don't know what she expects me to do. it's not like i applied to jobs across the country and told her to get bent - i've tried and tried to find a job around here but nothing seems to work out :madfawk:

    then she says 'i would have done anything for you' including moving somewhere with me... but i'm just not ready for that. i'm 22, she's 27. she has no degree and is not going to school... apparently she wasn't going to school because it would be easier to go back to school somewhere else (wherever i ended up) in the case that i had to move away. doesn't make sense to me.

    bitch of a decision... but in the end i told her i am not ready to move away somewhere with her and just see where things go. sorry to hijack just needed to vent... fucking a :hs:
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2009
  23. RacerJ

    RacerJ New Member

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    Sorry for bumping this old ass thread, but i thought i'd give an update.

    She's leaving March 10th :(
    The last couple months have gone by so fast, and I started to think that she wasn't going to go through with this since she still doesn't have a job out there and never put a set deadline. Well, now she's moving on March 10th with her mom.

    This shit hurts so bad you guys, fuck :wtc::wtc:
    I have no idea how I'm going to handle the next 2 weeks, knowing that each moment we spend with each other is going to be one of our last. She told me about it this weekend, and every single evening we spend together ends up into both of us just crying being this sucks so fucking much.

    I'm so lost right now
     
  24. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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  25. bOOlet

    bOOlet New Member

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