Girlfriend's Past

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by EPD Hater, Jan 10, 2007.

  1. EPD Hater

    EPD Hater New Member

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    I know this has come up before, but thought I could get some responses to this specific situation.

    I recently found out that my girlfriend of 2 months has had probably between 10 and 15 partners. Less than half of them were from relationships, and the rest was from her college/party days, which was about 3 years ago.

    She tells me that she thinks about this every day with disgust and how her past haunts her. She admitted that she made mistakes and was looking for love/companionship in the wrong way. Though, I can't seem to get these images out of my head of this type of activity--it kinda sickens me to think about it. She said she had changed after she graduated college and never slept around again.

    Going into the relationship, I knew she was a wild/energetic girl, but I didn't know she partook in that behavior. I know I have to accept that she is now a different person and that I love her for who she is now and she loves me (but the images still remain). She also has a hard time letting go/forgiving herself for the past. Has anybody been in this situation? How do we forget the past and look to the future? I know the answer is obvious, but I just wanted to get some opinions. :hs:
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    The past is the past. She can't change her past and neither can you. It's a mental thing for you IMO. Stop thinking so much about her past and see her for who she is now.
     
  3. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    It happened in the past, as long as she dosn't have ANY STDs...
     
  4. BadRotation

    BadRotation New Member

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    This is why I will not date partiers/regular drinkers/clubbers/sorority girls.

    People think I am shallow, but unfortunately I do not trust partiers at all, Yes, they may change after college, but I simply cannot look past that, and I want someone who feels sex is a sacred thing to be shared between two people that love each other, and not just random hook-ups at college.

    I could never look past that behavior, and it would disgust me.
     
  5. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Make sure she's tested clean... aside from that as long as those days are a few years behind her, there's not a lot of reason to worry, though should be considered a red flag. Often that kind of behavior is a result of low self-esteem and/or lack of ingrained morals generally, so make sure you are paying attention to what sort of person she really is. Which you should be anyway.
     
  6. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    "Thirty seven! My girlfriend's sucked thirty seven dicks!"
     
  7. EPD Hater

    EPD Hater New Member

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    She's been tested after all that and told me many times she is clean. I do believe she was going through depression at the time (from the other stories she's told me from around that time period) and drank a lot. She has since cut 99% of the alcohol now and she seems to value our relationship.
     
  8. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    in a row?
     
  9. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    Thank you!

    My favorite quote when this topic comes up.

    My second favorite quote when this topic comes up?

    "There are million fine looking women out there. They won't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you."
     
  10. Tiberium

    Tiberium Active Member

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    15 guys is not that much
     
  11. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Good!

    I empathize with you, actually, because my ex had a similar background. Focus on the positive where this is concerned. Don't dwell on the thoughts that disturb you (visualizing things in your mind, etc). Do be aware that people can change, but they can change back too. Mine changed back when I turned her off. It sounds like she is sincere though, just keep your eyes open.
     
  12. BadRotation

    BadRotation New Member

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    3 is too much for me.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    lol, well you're just insecure
     
  14. water_rat_iii

    water_rat_iii New Member

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    I think most of us guys would like to think our girls never had sex before us. For whatever reason, men think about this more than women.

    As far as your GF goes, she's not too different from many other women AND men.

    Sometimes we go through a bad break up/divorce and the best way we see to feel better, improve our self esteem, is to have bad sex for the sake of having sex.

    When we finally grow up and realize that it's not helping, it's too late; the past can't be erased. But we CAN learn from the past. It sounds like your GF has learned too.

    Cut her some slack.

    It's not easy for you to stop thinking about her with other guys, but after some time you will think about it less and less.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2007
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You have to decide if you can hold someone's past against them. I can. But at the same time, if you choose to go that route, you can't be hypocritical, and suddenly anything and everything from your past can be used against you as well and you HAVE to accept it.

    That being said, it would gross me out. But it's much harder when you have feelings for the person.

    But, it is indicative of her personality type. I doubt she was forced into random hookups. You have to take this into consideration. Do you want to be with someone whose personality is such that she can hook up randomly? And why do you say "between 10 and 15?" She can't remember the exact number? It's probably double that and she doesn't want to tell you. Ask her. Someone who won't talk about their past is not datable because they are trying to keep things from you.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    this still sounds like it's coming from an insecure guy. She already admitted that she wasn't "forced" into one-night stand, etc. in fact she regrets them very much so.

    She says 10-15 because she already feels guilty enough telling him and so she gives him that amount because she either doesn't remember off-hand or thinks saying 15 straight out sounds bad. I really doubt it's double, that whole "take the # a girl gives you and double it" is such bullshit.

    And she's obviously not hiding everything since she was brave enough to even tell him that much. I once was talking with a guy who later told me he had been with 20 girls. At first I was disgusted, but he was a very clean and kind guy who had changed his ways, why should I fault someone who made mistakes?
     
  17. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'm the first to admit I'm insecure. But that doesn't mean I'm going to compromise my values in a gf.

    She doesn't regret them. She's saying that because she doesn't want to say "yeah, I slept with a bunch of guys because I was basically a slut." I'm sure she enjoyed them at the time. She's just trying to make sure she doesn't come off as a slut who sleeps around.

    What kind of slut doesn't remember how many people they've been with?

    It's up to you if you hold someone's past against them. It's personal criteria that you must figure out yourself. What if your bf had a history of abusing his gfs? Would you hold that against him? What if he was a theif in his past? What if he had been with 50 girls? You have to decide what your personal criteria is.
     
  19. BadRotation

    BadRotation New Member

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    No, I go for quality women, not whores. Sex to me is something that should be done between two people that care about each other. Not party hook-ups or short term relationship shit.

    I do not date whores, I date high class women.

    I hold my values deeply, have morals, and will not settle for anything less. Who is the insecure one?
     
  20. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    What's the problem? You don't have anything in your past that you're ashamed of?

    Personally, I think it's always a bad move to discuss one's sexual history. It almost always causes problems.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Umm, you are still bud. I agree with you on the wanting someone who has morals on who they sleep with, don't get me wrong there....But to say you couldn't even consider the possibility of dating a girl who had only been with 3 guys, as if 3 is the magical cut off for classy woman & whores? Hah, that's just funny to me. Good luck finding that dating pool.
     
  22. Smutty

    Smutty OT Supporter

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    Man, don't ask next time. I prefer not to know or share that information. It's just picking a fight.
     
  23. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Well, if this is such a big issue, break up with her, and find a woman who has had fewer partners.
     
  24. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    Just wondering, if your girlfriend has expressed feeling embarassed/ ashamed about some of her sexual past and is committed to just being with you, don't the two of you share values regarding sexual relationships?
     
  25. fcheerleader

    fcheerleader New Member

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    average women sleeps with about 5 different guys by the time they are 25
     

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