Girlfriend's parents

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by themacstallion, Aug 24, 2005.

  1. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    My girlfriend, (18) who I love dearly, lives at home and is finishing up high school. We talk every night pretty late and we both have to get up early every morning. She pays her own cell phone bill but her dad called me yesterday and was very pissed about how high the bill was and he was also upset that I keep her up so late on the phone when she has to get up early for school the next day, he told me that he took her cell phone and she no longer has one (even though she does pay all of her bills herself, he doesn't want her to waste her money on that) she is also grounded and isn't allowed to talk on any phone anymore. I apolagized to him and he hung up on me. She called me shortly after for what was probably a 5 minute conversation and I told her that I would gladly pay for her phone bill because it was my fault and I want to show her father that I'm going to be a man about it, but she refused and absolutely would not let me pay her phone bill.

    It drives me crazy that I can't talk to her, so I'm considering buying her a pre-paid cell phone so we can stay connected and if we need to talk we can call eachother, and in case of an emergency she can call for help. I think it would be a nice gift for her but I don't want her to feel like I just want to keep tabs on her and I definately don't want her to think it would be a way of controlling her, because I am not a controlling boyfriend, I'm fine with her doing whatever she wants to do. I also wouldn't talk to her late all the time anymore because obviously, pre-paid minutes are very pricey.

    Another point is, I don't want to disrespect her parents and completely disregard their authority but I kind of feel like its necessary because they completely disregarded our relationship which is more important to us than anything. Relationships are based around communication, how the hell can we maintain a relationship if I'm not even allowed to fucking talk to her? Should I buy her a phone? Should I just wait it out (when she gets grounded its usually for several months)? How would you react if you were me? How would you react if you were her and your boyfriend bought you a cell phone when your own parents took yours?


    I know the reason her parents are so strict is because her sister dropped out of school and got hooked on heroin, and when she got put in jail for possesion, she couldn't get her fix so she ended up hanging herself. This obviously hurt the family so much and now her parents are very strict with her about everything because they don't want her to follow in her sister's footsteps.

    They are set on my girlfriend finishing high school and college, which I respect and support but they are convinced that I am going to tear her away from an education and just want her all to myself. Am I being selfish by wanting to get her a phone to keep our relationship going?


    Cliffs: Girlfriend's parents are very strict, took cell phone, grounded her, shes not allowed to talk to me for a while. I am considering buying her a cell phone but don't want her to think its only a method of keeping tabs on her and controlling her.
     
  2. Yukonart

    Yukonart Active Member

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    Man-up and talk to her father about it. Tell him that you respect their wishes, and want the best for their daughter, and figure something out that won't upset them and you. When they let you talk to her again, don't do it so late.

    Seriously. . . if you both have to get up so early in the morning, why stay on the phone so late in the first place?
     
  3. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Two words: Free evenings/weekends. FTW! ;)

    Hells Yeah, you're being selfish, but damn it, in this situation there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I hate going for a day without talking to my GF.

    It sounds like her 'rents have some serious issues to deal with, I'm not making light of it.
    They have to realize that she is not her sister and (most likely) will not make the same mistakes.
    It sounds like they still view her as being 12 or 14, I mean come on, grounding an 18 YO? Is this for real? They (the 'rents) are going to have to learn to let go and let her make her own decisions, no matter the consequences. They can guide her and give thier views, but with out her making her own decsions she'll never learn how to become an adult. I've seen this very thing happen to people I know.

    Didn't you post about a month ago about how you are no longer allowed to be alone with her in her bedroom? If that's the case it sounds like the 'rents are trying to break you two up, for whatever reason they have. :dunno:
     
  4. YouDon'tKnowMe

    YouDon'tKnowMe New Member

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    Whoa. Sounds like a repeat of my highschool days w/ my father. Well first of all, she is 18, I think it's time she stands up to her father. If she is paying the bill she needs to explain to him it's her money. I don't really think that should be your job, where is she in all this? I really think she needs to have the talk w/ her father.

    It's really sweet that you want to get her a cell phone. It doesn't sound controlling, it does sound really caring. I wouldn't just go and buy one though, I'd sit down and talk to her about it.

    These parents are hardcore, so just let the girl deal w/ it. Otherwise...you'll just look like the boyfriend trying to corrupt the innocent daughter.
     
  5. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    The last thing he wants to do is talk to me, he wouldn't even let me get a question in before he hung up on me. Before her and I got together I was a complete ass hole to her (not getting into that now) and she told her parents about it and they said that she isn't allowed to talk to me again, but we ended up getting together and I showed up at their house and apolagized to both of them and her, then I asked them to give me another chance. They agreed to give me a chance but they said the first time that her and I "bullshit" them, it's over. So I assume they are counting this as a bullshitting.

    We talk late because I work all day and she has alot of homework that she doesnt finish with until about 9 so we talk for a few hours past then.
     
  6. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    I'd do it, & have her show her dad the bill proving to him that you are no longer calling late &/or cutting into her work/study time.
    I'd tell her & them it's simply because you miss her, worry about, & care for her deeply.
     
  7. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    how old are you if shes 18 and her dad doesnt want you talking to her

    otherwise, if you cant get in good with the rents just call it quits, itll all be downhill from there
     
  8. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I dont know where you all are from, but she lives with her parents. It doesnt matter if she is 40, if she cant support herself completely then she lives by thier rules. Any disagreement with her parents is just selfish on your part. Her parents know best in almost every situation! Just be patient and talk to her whenever you can. Doing anything behind her parents back is just going to lead to much much more trouble later.

    I love it when people turn 18 and 19 and they think "hey im an adult, I can do whatever I want now" lol. She needs to move out if she wants to things her parents dont want, until then, she lives with them and they control her life.

    Also if by school, you mean highschool, then her parents are definitely right. Stop keeping her up, stop talking to her on the phone all the time. She needs to finish up school and work more so she can move out so you dont have these problems anymore.

    Cliffs: Her parents are right, you are wrong. Step down, dont talk to her dad, and know your place in her life right now. You might want to be her number 1, and she might want you to be...but YOU SHOULDNT BE at this point in her life.
     
  9. IreLynx

    IreLynx New Member

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    As childish as the grouding seems to me when someone is 18, I can understand it because she is still in high school & needs to focus on that first. I also agree that anytime you live under someone elses roof, you go by their rules. However, I don't feel they had a right to just take her cellphone when she's responsible enough to pay the bill in full with her own money. If you ask me they could have come up with a better solution; such as having her hand it off to them at 10pm every night & she could get it back every morning before she left for school.

    They're being a bit too strict by taking her cellphone & holding it hostage when she foots her own bill. It would be one thing if it were a prepaid phone since you only need to put money on it when you run low or are about to expire. However, it's a monthly plan, which means that for every month they keep her phone she's going to be throwing away $50+ by paying for a phone bill that she isn't allowed to use. It's not like the bills just stop coming because her parents won't let her use the phone.

    This is where they're being hypocites. They say that they don't want her wasting her money on that, yet they don't seem to care that for every month they keep it she'll be paying for that bill but she won't be able to use the phone; that's just as bad, if not worse, when you think about it. You have a right to be annoyed; I would be too. However, rather than buy her a pre-paid, just go over to the house and talk to her father. Show him that you are just as concerned as he is about certain things. Let him know that if he didn't want her on the phone past a certain time that he could have called you and told you and you wouldn't have kept her on the phone that late. She also needs to confront him. Yea she's still in school and still under their roof, but she pays her own cell phone bill, so she needs to work something out with her parents so she isn't throwing away money each month on a phone she can't use.

    Unless I missed something and it's not actually her phone/bill...
    I know you can get a cellphone on your own once you're 18, but is this phone actually in her name, or is it in her parents name & she just pays the bill for the line she uses? That changes things a bit. If it's in their name then they have the right to take it, however, at that point she shouldn't have to continue to pay the bill if she's no longer allowed to use the phone. If it is actually in her name then they really don't have the right to take it from her, regardless of whether they think she's wasting money or not, because she is paying the bill; however, if they thought there was a problem then they should have brought it up to their daughter and discussed it to come up with a reasonable solution. Or they could have just brought you into it too so they could have a 4-way discussion; they could have laid out the rules right in front of the both of you so you both knew what caused them to lay down the rules and why they think it's necessary.

    ...but that's just my opinion.
     
  10. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    understandable, give it a few years and maybe you will understand a bit more when you arent blinded by it being your own situation.

    When she lives with you, then your opinion counts, until then you just have to suck it up and deal with the strictness of her parents.
     
  11. IreLynx

    IreLynx New Member

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    Are you talking to me there...because I've never been in that situation. :confused:
     
  12. evoluti0n

    evoluti0n New Member

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    i agree to an extent. the parents are in charge, but the time comes when they have to stop being so controlling so the kids can learn to grow up and make their own decisions. also, if she's 18 and has her own bills (assuming the phone is in her parents name), why doesn't she just get her own account? as controlling as the parents want to be, they can't tell her what to do with her private accounts and contracts in her name.
     
  13. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    they arent being hypocrites.... they just dont want you around..... i know if i ever have a daughter, im gonna be super protective, if i dont like the guy, i definatly would not try to nurture that relationship, or help out in any way....

    so to me trying to talk to the dad man to man, isnt going to do anything, his mind is made up
     
  14. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I took your post but directed my comments to the thread started. My bad, I dont think anyone could have known that buy myself, I had a brain dead day yesterday lol.
     
  15. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    :werd:, :werd:, and more :werd:
     
  16. Technik

    Technik OT Supporter

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    :bigthumb:
     
  17. IreLynx

    IreLynx New Member

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    That's okay, I just wastn't sure lol. Everyone's allowed an off day every now and again.
     
  18. aliciaf

    aliciaf New Member

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    I think that u should get her the pre-paid phone. I think that its really sweet. Just tell her that u care about her and u want her to be able to get ahold of you in an emergency and u miss not getting to talk to her anymore. Shed understand. I know if my boyfriend did something like that for me I would think it was sweet.
     
  19. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    I agree with that, I've spent time with them and gotten to know them but still there is always tension and it is always obvious that her parents simply do not like me nor will they probably ever. It's just something that I'm learning to accept. However, just because he is being a dick about it doesn't mean I'm just gonna bend over and take it in the ass from him, I'm gonna do whatever I have to do for the one I love and if that means to deceive her parents then so be it, I love her, not her parents. If it was her wishes for me to respect and honor every word that comes out of their mouthes then I would but she also realizes how ridiculous this situation is. She told me a while ago that when her dad gets really mad he hits her, and I assume that's why she never stands up for herself anymore.

    The phone is in her parent's name but they continue to make her pay $60 per month for a phone she can't use and this does contradict the whole "I don't want you wasting your money on that" thing. She was allowed to call me on our anniversary for a few minutes and she asked if I could come by just for a minute to give her a card and I heard him say in the background "No he can't, and if he's wondering why tell him to look at your phone bill". A high phone bill and late calls usually don't cause such resentment. Like you said, he does not like me and his mind is made up. I just think its time for him to admit it to me instead of hiding behind mundane problems to get upset about just to keep me away from his daughter. If they admitted to me that they don't like me, we could work from there and possibly establish a better relationship but I can't just go to their house and accuse them of not liking me.
     
  20. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

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    there's only one thing you CAN do at this point. kick your girlfriends fathers ass.
     
  21. dfekt

    dfekt New Member

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    try cumming in her and leaving her
     

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