girlfriend wont marry me.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Steve Grabacock, Sep 6, 2005.

  1. Steve Grabacock

    Steve Grabacock New Member

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    So my girlfriend and I have been together almost 4 years now. Its come up several times in conversation lately that she doesnt want to get married. Her reason being that everyone else that she knows that is married hate each other. And that 55% of marriage ends in divorce and something like 75% that arent dont because of kids, or some other reason.

    I feel like she's essentially saying she doesnt believe we will make it, and/or leaving the door open for a quick escape, which i have no reason to belive she would, but still. At the same time, im kind of hurt. I feel like shes saying she doesnt love me enough to marry me.

    Any insight from the vag?
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I would feel the same way, and you rightfully should. Her excuses are lame. Marriage doesnt break up people, people do that on thier own. If she is worried about becomming another statistic then that means she doesnt fully believe it will last forever.

    Honestly after a 4 year relationship, if you are wanting more (marriage) and she doesnt, then I would have a serious discussion with her. Marriage has alot more benefits then just changing her name, and CAN be great financially for a couple as well.

    If she really feels you will end in divorce, then without marriage its only a matter of time till she leaves anyways. Like you said, she seems to just be keeping the door open for that quick escape if needed.

    OR... do you live together? Some states have whats known as a common law marriage, I know here in KY if you live together for 7+ years the state considers you married wether you get married or not ;) Just trick her into living with ya for a while, then come home one day and be like "guess what huh, we got married and you didnt even know it! " :rofl:
     
  3. RockChick

    RockChick New Member

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    well i can understand her.
    im also kinda afraid of marriage. why? cos my parents werent happy married, and my grandparents are definitely not happy but married. so that scares me cos i always think, what if it happens to me?!?!?
    also i've seen my sister in 2 veeery long relationships... one 6 and the other one 7 years... and still they broke up. so 4 years doesnt count as a "long time", at least not for me. i know people think different about it, my bf is one of them.

    i dont think she doesnt love you enough, it can be the case but i dont think so. if she has bad examples in her family, then of course she is scared. you have to understand that. the more you push, the more she will walk away from you. believe me. thats just my opinion.

    the bf and i, we have a limit. if we stay together 4 years, we get engaged. if we make it another 2/3 years we will get married. unless of course someone wants it different, then we'll sit down and talk about it. why we have that limit? cos he would love to get married... the sooner the better. i dont want it so fast...so we made this limit and both are happy.
     
  4. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    QFT!

    I also feel that her reasons are pathetic.

    My own views are I really don't care one way or the other, let me rephrase that, getting married is not the important part to me, but the connection between myself and my SO. The marriage is just a ring a piece of paper and for other people to bask in our presence, and me being one that doesn't really like to be the center of attention, I really don't care for the marriage ceramony, though being teh groom, I only get about 10% of the attention. ;)

    The most important part for me is that my SO wants to be with me and shows me that, not just one day where we exchange vows and rings, but everyday, by the way she looks at me, by being there when I need her, even if it is just on the phone for 2 minutes to say hi, by not bickering with me over stupid insignificant things and realizing that no matter the circumstances, they will work out.
     
  5. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    wow, you actually found a girl that doesnt want to get married? umm and you take this as a bad thing? :slap:
     
  6. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    I only read the first thread.

    But...I really dont see anything wrong with not wanting to get married. I know a few couples who have had long standing relationships without being married.

    It's just not for some people I guess.

    I think the only case where this could be a real issue, is if marriage was really really important to you, and not to her, then it could be a problem.

    But in general I dont think she means it to be that she doesnt love or want to be with you. She probably is just afraid of it turning bad.

    It's probably just something you two need to really discuss, and for the love of god dont attack her with "dont you love me?!"
     
  7. orie

    orie social assassin

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    :werd:

    seems like mine brings it up every day ugh
     
  8. Soltaker

    Soltaker 03-18-2015 #NEVERFORGET

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    If it is important to you, it should be somewhat important to her as well.

    Maybe you need a new woman :hsugh:
     
  9. page

    page New Member

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    Not all marriages are unhappy ones. But if she feels like its doomed anyway, why are you still with her?
     
  10. [HRT]Squirrel Master

    [HRT]Squirrel Master New Member

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    sounds like imaturity talking... can I ask how old you guys are?
     
  11. Steve Grabacock

    Steve Grabacock New Member

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    I should have posted this first. Im 21 she's 19.:hsugh:

    I certainly dont belive you need to be married to have sex/kids. Its more of an assurance than anything.
     
  12. CelesteLeSonne

    CelesteLeSonne DEWmocracy

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    try a couples counselor, so she knows yr serious + you can find out really why she doesn't want to.
     
  13. [HRT]Squirrel Master

    [HRT]Squirrel Master New Member

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    I know what you are talking about and you have every right to be upset. If you have talked with her about this and there is no way of changing her mind (you can't force people to change anyway), then maybe its time to move on to something you want. On the other hand you are way too young to get married.... so maybe by the time she is mature enough, her decision will change.
     
  14. rkf76

    rkf76 New Member

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    wow, this is different. I'm not used to the man complaining the the S/O won't take the plunge. But in any case, I don't think she feels you are the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Because in all honesty, the statistics have nothing to do with the love you two share for one another or the outcome of your relationship. Can't really put a good spin on it for you, but for her, im glad she didn't do it if in her heart she doesn't feel like she'd be able to honor the vows of marriage. And for that, I applaud her. For you, take it as a blessing in disguise and use it as an excuse when you begin a secret relationship with the one who wants you just as bad as you want her.
     
  15. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    The older I get the more I realise how much of an effect my parents failed marriage has had on me. I don't know if I can accept a promise of forever and If you can't give or accept the promise of forever than you shouldn't really be getting married?

    But then I think were these failed marriages based on bad decisions and the couple over looked problems in their relationship because they loved each other?

    People change, shit happens and people fall out of love.
     
  16. FXD02

    FXD02 New Member

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    You are both too young to be thinking about marriage. And the fact that she tells you she doesn't want to get married makes me think that she realizes that. Just about every couple I have known that got married before they were 23-24 has ended in divorce. You have been together for 4 years. She prob wants to experience life and I'm sorry to say, other guys. She probably hasn't really discovered who she really is.
     
  17. FXD02

    FXD02 New Member

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    Let me also say that the marriage is not JUST a ring and piece of paper. The ceremony is but the marriage is not. Marriage is a lot of responsibility. And if you get married before one of you or the other is ready, it will probably have an unhappy ending. Divorces are expensive. I wouldn't know personally, but I have heard time and time again.

    I'm not trying to talk you out of getting married, I'm just hoping you don't try to force her to marry you before she is ready.
     
  18. Liddy

    Liddy Not enough cowbell.

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    I don't want to get married but I don't make excuses for it... been there and done that. Will never be doing that again. :dunno:

    I just don't feel it's fair to make a life-time commitment to someone that you mean when you go through with it only to "maybe" realise later that you have made a mistake.
     
  19. Dax420

    Dax420 Guest

    Wow where I live (BC, Canada) after 6 months of living togeather you are concidered by married by the government. :noes:

    oh well, tax write off for the win :mamoru:
     
  20. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    That's pretty young dude, over here at least. No way would I get married before I'm at least 25, so that may be her issue.

    Secondly theres nothing wrong with not wanting to get married, but if her real reason is she's worried about statistics or some other small bs item, then there's probably some bigger problems there.
     
  21. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    damn! 6 months, thats crazy
     
  22. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    ya know what, I hate to admit it but you make a good point. Atleast she didnt say she wanted to be married when she really doesnt believe it will last. Maybe she just doesnt trust herself? Who knows, but if she doesnt want to make it last forever, someone else will come along that will eventually.
     
  23. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

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    i agree.
     
  24. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    Part of becommig married is commiting to eachother and committing to working through hard times. All relationships married or not have hard times, the difference is most relationships will end, while marriges will continue.

    Marrige requires a new level of tolerance, care and commitment. It's a great thing and it will only work if both partners participate in full. If not it ends in divorce.
     
  25. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    I think I see what you are trying to say, but I don't think I explained myself well enough...

    What I mean by the marriage doesn't matter is, that getting married doesn't change how the two people involved feel about each other, Does the love get stronger when you get married? No, if it does, it's doomed.
    I can feel the same way about someone regardless of the fact that I may or may not be married to them, that's why marriage to me, is not important for the couple involved, but it is for the other people, family, friends, the people we meet, but in the end, I'm not in love with them, only myt wife or GF that I am dedicated to, regardless of having a ring on my finger or not.
     

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