SRS Girlfriend with crazy mom? Opinions..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by OhHai, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    I have been living with my girlfriend for almost 6 months now, and we have been dating for over a year and a half. We are both 22. Now, I have known from the start that her mom is a little out of it, and recently it has been bothering me more and more, but I am wondering if maybe I'm just being to crazy about the whole situation. I will try to make this unbiased, but I can not stand her mom, and think she is seriously fucking nuts.

    Backstory on the mom: Divorced, living alone, kicked my girlfriend out of the house when she was 18 (my girlfriend has been on her own since, paying for absolutely everything herself and because of it she has to work full time to afford going to school and paying rent and food). The gf works extremely hard, going to work 3 days a week and working the other 4, and is a clean cut girl (no drugs, occasional drink). Now, the mom also adopted 2 kids, and my gf's younger sister still lives with her mom as well (she is 16).

    My gf's mom has never been there for her anytime she asks. When my gf had no place to stay (due to her roomate having last minute issues and deciding to give her 2 weeks to move out), her mom would not even let her stay at her house. Her mom has the personality of a 13 year old, and likes to come over to our house to "hang out" like once a week. This bothers me, because I am not ok with a full grown woman coming over and trying to hang out with her daughter and boyfriend, and I have voiced this the the gf, but she says "I should respect her mom more." Its hard for me to respect a woman who has not done a god damn thing for anyone in her family. The mom recently took her 16yr old daughter out of school for a week to visit some guy she met online 500 miles away. They were gone for an entire week, then she randomly shows up at our house, uninvited, and proceeds to stick around and ask for a beer, while she tells the whole story. She also has a tendency to drop her 2 adopted kids off at our house and dissappear to go out to eat with her friends. My gf has no problem with it (which I do not understand), but I do not want to have to babysit every week for an entire Firday afternoon. The mom will occassionally ask us to go out to eat with her, then when the bill comes there is an awkwardness because she either wants to split it or wants us to pay. I was under the impression if you ask someone to dinner, you pay. The mom is a nurse and is always saying how she is broke and how we "have so much money" because we go out once a week to eat. I'm sorry, I fucking bust my ass at work and I am still broke as shit.. I'm a college student for gods sake. Maybe if you are broke you shouldn;t have adopted 2 more kids on top of the 2 you already had. The mom has even gotten mad at me for looking away for a second while shes talking, almost like I have to give her my undying attention. It drives me fucking nuts..

    I guess it's little things like this that bother me, mostly because I come from a family where if I go out with my parents, they always pay, and my mom isn't trying to be 20 again. I can not imagine marrying this girl and having her mother be there, and I am shocked my gf still talks to her mother, given she has done absolutely nothing to help her.. Am I crazy?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Man, I just looked through your threads posted here in the Asylum and :ugh: This relationship has more issues than I've ever seen. Way too much this early on at least....
     
  3. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Yeah, it is a little ridiculous :hs:
     
  4. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    talk to your gf and lay down some ground rules for when the mom is allowed to come over. she shouldn't be allowed to just drop by uninvited. if i were you i'd be like "you can hang out with your mom all you want, but she is not welcome here when i'm around nor am i going to be her babysitter anymore"
     
  5. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    Wow..I feel your pain. I couldn't handle that either. I really don't know what else to say but talk to your g/f but I'm assuming that might not work.

    Maybe you need to talk to the mom and tell her how you feel and express your feelings. But I'm sure that wouldn't go to well.

    The only advice I can give you is be careful your g/f doesn't turn into her mom. I've seen and heard where girls will become more and more like they mother as they get older.

    About marriage. Some woman value there relationship with there mother greatly and if thats a problem to the man I've heard of marriages not working because of that. So make sure you let your g/f know clearly how you DO NOT LIKE HER MOM. Because you want to get it all out now before you do get married.
     
  6. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    That is my number one fear! I already can see little things about her and her mom that are similar and it scares me. I have told her I do not enjoy her mom because of what she has done, and would prefer to have nothing to do with her. Of course she responded with "I could never marry a guy who didn't get along with my family :rolleyes:
     
  7. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    Don't tell her you dont' "enjoy" her mom. Tell her you don't LIKE her mom. I know it makes you sound like an asshole but you got to set things straight now. Don't beat around the bush trying to tip toe around the problem and making the problem go away on a good note.

    If she is serious about not wanting to marry a guy who didn't get a long with her mother than maybe it's the beginning of the end. Maybe you need to take some time apart and maybe she will realize who she wants in her life more. Maybe she can understand more and want you back and be accepting to the fact you dislike her mother. So that she never brings her mom around you except on certain occasions.

    It's probably not fair to say you never want to be around her because it is your g/fs mom. If you never want to be around her mom at all you need to just end it now. But if you're willing to put up with her 2-3 times a month your g/f may be willing to be okay with that if she really wants to be with you.

    The problem I see with some mother and daughter relationships is the mother tries to prepare her daughter for "assholes". Her mom got screwed over in the past whether it be her fault or not and she's going to make sure her daughter isn't treated the same whether your g/f is at fault or not. She will tell her daughter she deserves this and that even if she really might not.

    This is one reason I like dating girls that don't come from divorced homes. Reason being is because divorce is usually more acceptable in divorced homes. Her mother is divorced so she's probably more likely to put that idea in your (future wife-g/f) head if problems happen later in the relationship. Rather than a g/f coming from a mother and father that worked out some problems through counseling or whatever the case maybe.

    I remember I dated a girl who told me that she didn't believe in divorce and she believed in working out the problems no matter what. Well she came from a home with her real mother and father. If she had come from a home with a step dad or mom I think she's have a different attitute towards divorce because her parents avoided it when it could have been the easy way out.

    Sorry so long but hope it gives you a bigger picture on things.
     
  8. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    guess you're not marrying her then :hsughno:
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    this relationship is going to die the same painful death that the (Mother-In-Law thread) other one is.
     
  10. Troy

    Troy New Member

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    Run Away, nothing good will come of this.
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    next time she drops off the kids uninvited, call social services.

    Seriously.
     
  12. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Time to abandon ship seriously
     
  13. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    Tell her straight out you do not like her mother and have no respect for her for the reasons listed. Let her know she can see her mom whenever she wants when you're not around and you'd be willing to make appearances at family occasions the odd time, but you do not want her mother in your life other than that. If she can't accept that, then you need to decide if your leaving.
     
  14. Bigblock

    Bigblock New Member

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    Just understand that her Mom won't change- at least not for the better. Your GF will take on some of her Mom's characteristics over time. Good luck guessing which ones.

    If you really want to give it a chance I think you should talk to GF first and then her Mom about trying to straighten out your differences. If you don't make any progress it becomes a matter of how much you're willing to endure to stay in the relationship.

    The issues weren't the same but I had mother-in-law issues early in my marriage and it wasn't fun. It tests your relationship with your GF/wife in a big way.
     
  15. Kim Possible

    Kim Possible New Member

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    Run.

    Run as far as you can.
     
  16. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    any girl that said that to me is done. on the spot.
     
  17. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    This will not end well, as I said previously. It is rare for a daughter who comes from that type of family to not possess many of the same faults -- or...presents with serious deficits that present with different symptoms but produce the same outcome, which is insanity.

    It is now a year later. Has my prediction come to pass? If so, I'm sorry you went through it. If it hasn't, I'm sorry that it will.
     
  18. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    I'd tell her it's either me or her mom. I'd be fine with them hanging out and having their fucked up relationship on their own time, but if she wants me to spend time with the mom/her other kids, I'm leaving.
     
  19. IRSISRSRI

    IRSISRSRI New Member

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    Get your gf to read this thread
     
  20. CodeX

    CodeX Guest

    Wait until her mom starts "borrowing" your money (through your GF) and then get back to me...
     
  21. Replicant

    Replicant New Member

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    You have mentioned entirely too many problems that are totally out of your control. You need to speak with your parents and set up moving back in with them and perhaps have them assist you money wise in parting ways with your gf so she's not screwed by the financial loss. Just slide out of the situation as easy as possible and count your blessings. If the girl is completely dumbfounded when you speak of her moms idiocy, then you need to leave. Simple as that. If you don't, these threads are pointless and you have yet to feel the real agony.
     
  22. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:



    Yup, time to go.
     
  23. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Let her drop in one day uninvited while you've got her daughter bent over the kitchen table with a fist full of her hair.

    $5 says she wont just drop in again.
     
  24. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    I'll make it $10 if she asks to join in.
     

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