SRS girlfriend wants to kill herself

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Walama, Dec 4, 2006.

  1. Walama

    Walama This is the mis-information age.

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    i don't know what to do... i've been talking to her all evening, and now she doesn't want to talk to me anymore...

    apparently, she's been feeling worse and worse (she's not doing well in school, her roommates bother her - she lives with all other males), and she wants to "punish" the one causing all this (herself).

    she's tried twice... the first time a few weeks ago, she told me she took 8 tylenol and woke up the next morning ("big deal... I guess I didn't really want to do it because there's no way that would have killed me" ... right). then today she told me that last Sunday she took something (wouldn't tell me what) and ended up throwing it up. so she says she isn't serious.

    I've asked her to get help, and after she told me about the first time, I got her to promise me that if she tried it again, she'd get help. but now she says that she wasn't serious about killing herself (because it didn't work).

    she refused to talk to me more because she says she is embarrassed. she told me that it's her right to do it, that she's been wanting to for a long time, and that nobody has a right to stop her.

    so I don't know what to do... I am afraid she's going to do it again, and though I don't think she'll succeed, she's still hurting herself, and she still has the pain in her that is making her want to do this and making her feel like she has no other options.


    what can I do as a friend? as a boyfriend? I don't know... when she gets like this, she tells me that we should break up, but she's always glad she didn't the other 90% of the time (though she said she still wants to kill herself all the time, more and more, and with increasing drive).



    sorry for the length... please if you're going to say something like "run away" or call her crazy, save yourself the effort and don't bother posting.
     
  2. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    she needs professional help. There is nothing you can do except recommend she get help, or prepare for the day when she needs help. There are many, many resources both online and in RL that can help you with this.
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You do everything you can to prevent her. Tell her parents, call a suicide prevention hotline and discuss options with them. She may "think" she has the "right" to do this...but as a survivor of suicide (my brother killed himself many years ago) I have the "right" to not have to deal with a suicide. Yes, the surviving loved ones will have to deal with a mountain of emotional shit all caused by the suicide. How fair is that??

    On a different note....if your g/f is so upset at a roomate that she wants to kill herself, why doesn't she just move out??

    IMO all these fake attempts are her way of getting attention. However, she just might follow through and really do it. So you should really get in touch with people that can help. If I were in your shoes, with what I've had to live through, I'd sit her down...face to face...none of this on the phone shit....and explain how scared/concerned you are about her. She needs serious, professional help, IMMEDIATELY. Don't wait or you may be too late.

    Good luck and God Bless.
     
  4. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Like Coottie said, she is doing this all for attention. Anyways, why the hell does she stay with roomates that are that bad. What kind of roomates would make you want to kill your self?
     
  5. Walama

    Walama This is the mis-information age.

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    it's not just the roommates, it's a whole slew of thigns (school, finances, etc), and she's kinda stuck with them for a number of reasons I won't go into.
     
  6. Walama

    Walama This is the mis-information age.

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    Thanks, Viper
     
  7. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    So she gets to lay this shit on him about wanting to kill herself but then she's also going to get pissed when he does something to prevent it? If I was him I'd call her parents, the cops, the paramedics, the fire dept...anyone who'll listen. If she's pissed at me afterwards, big fucking deal. I'd rather have her alive and hate me than have her dead and have *me* hate me.

    As nicely as I can say this........... yes, it was a cry for help. If you wanted to be dead you could be dead. I'm not saying the attempt isn't serious because it is. I'm saying it was a cry for help and not a serious attempt.
     
  8. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Thats kind of sad, if someone wanted to help you and you retaliate by hating them.

    There is no considerate way to end your life, either. I contemplated it before, as well as one of my best friends. I can safely assume a suicide would be even more painful to people who love you because it wasnt an accident of sorts.

    To the OP: Talk to your girlfriend and find out everything that is going on and making her feel this way. See if there's any way for you to help. Just because she hasnt succeeded doesnt mean she doesnt want to do it. Good luck.
     
  9. Walama

    Walama This is the mis-information age.

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    that sounds about right. she's told me it's her life and her choice. she told me she would hate me and never speak to me again, and that it would be the ultimate betrayal. she also told me that if she wanted help, she would have asked me to help her. she says she just wants it to be over.

    i wouldn't want her to end up in some psych ward... just to find a different way of coping with life.

    she did make an appointment, though... just to "talk," not about suicide... i really hope it helps.
     
  10. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Sad indeed but actually consistent IMO.

    Suicide, IMO, is caused by extreme focus on oneself. The person planning it is soo focused on their own life and problems that they are completly incapeable of seeing, feeling, or even caring about others and what those other people are going through. Suicide is the ultimate, selfish act.

    To use different words, it's all about the me (if I were contemplating suicide).

    The key to getting out of this....is to reach out to others. To get out of yourself and try to help others. When you focus on other peoples problems then yours don't seem nearly as bad.
    People who haven't lived through a sucide of a loved one have no idea how painful it is. It's been over 20 years since my brother killed himself and my mom will start crying in less than 30 secs when we talk about him. His death is still way too painful for her.

    It's very hard to overstate the impact of a suicide on people's lives. Words simply don't do it justice. I can type a mega post of all the different ways I have been affected by my brothers suicide, I can use very descriptive words but it still falls short. I can talk and be very colorful with my speech, but it still falls short. There is simply no way to adequately convey the sense of loss, frustration, anger, pain and sooo many other emotions tied with suicide.

    I've experienced first hand how devestating suicide can be on families. Less than 2 years after my bro died, my dad passed away from a heart attack. In those 2 years before he died, we had to watch him wither away. He was simply tooo heartbroken at my brothers death to be able to go on living....he was also the one who found my brother. This was also excruciating to watch because my dad was a very strong man....but this event simply broke him.

    I've often said that I wish I had the ability to show someone who's considering suicide what effects it will have on all the people in their family, there is no way the person would go through with it......they just wouldn't. No matter what....a suicide will affect people that you never thought it would and it will affect them in ways you cannot possibly imagine. NOONE dies in a vacuum.....it always affects others.
    Agreed.

    I can assure the OP that if you do nothing and she succeeds, you will live with an enormous amount of guilt for the rest of your life. I've spent tens of thousands of dollars on therpy and I'm much better than I was. However, the guilt is never truly gone. Do what you can now....before it's tooo late.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Oh I missed this post earlier.

    Excellent post and I couldn't agree more.
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    As a friend or loved one....I EXPECT you to fight, to keep trying, to ask for help. I don't expect you to give up and I'll be pissed if you do because you'll just dump all your shit on me. FUCK YOU!

    After all....I could "choose" to give up also but I don't....and part of the reason I don't is because I don't want to inflict all that fucking shit on the people I care about.

    As I've said before, suicide is the ultimate selfish act. If you are going to be that uncaring for my feelings, then I'm going to respond in kind. Kill yourself and I say fuck you! You were NEVER my friend....because friends don't do that shit to each other.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I never said you have to have a happy perfect life. Shit man....my life sucks at times also. And I have lived years in very dark places where suicide seemed like the only way out....I'm not unaware of what that's like. You intrepret my post as everyone has to either be happy or dead. It's that sort of extreme thinking that's at the root of suicidal thoughts.

    You are either the best or you suck....there is no inbetween. The reality is that there are many different levels inbetween the extremems.

    However, I never followed through primarily because of what I witnessed first hand with my brother....and how it affected everyone around him, even people that weren't "close" to him.

    I agree that I have no place to judge you, however, you have no right to push your fucked up shit off on me (with suicide)....assuming we were friends in real life. If we were friends, you'd find a person that's lived in hell for many years and found a way out....I don't run from friends just cuz their life sucks.
    This is exactly what I've been saying in this thread.....those contemplating suicide have an abnormal and extreme focus on themselves. This focus much change to find relief from suicidal thoughts.
     
  14. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Involving someone in your life means that person should try to help. Wanting to take your life is not normal, it's not right, it's not healthy. If he figures the best way to help is to call her parents then good for him.

    Again......
    I'd rather have her alive and hate me than have her dead and have *me* hate me.
    And you don't know where I've been so you can get off your horse right now.

    Nobody's life is perfect. But if you're going to involve someone else in your life, expect that he's going to take some action if/when you decide to hurt yourself. We all create our own situations. If you don't like yours, change it. But thinking someone who cares about you should "tell (you) goodbye and understand" is seriously fucked up. If I cared about someone the *LAST* thing I'd do is let a loved-one go without a fight.
     
  15. TheManLouisianaFace

    TheManLouisianaFace and decide!

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    I agree with not forcing the issue. That will just make her turn away from you.


    When I wanted to kill myself I didn't want to talk about anything to anyone and shut off anybody who tried. A girl I was close with talked me into letting her come over. I was sitting on the floor of my apt with my back against the wall. She walked over and just sat next to me. We sat there for about 3 hours without making a sound, until I decided to talk.

    It was the best thing ever - she really understood :hs:
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Please note....my fuck you post was prefaced with, if we were friends in R/L. Since we aren't, my words were directed to my R/L friends. It was a "generic" you designed to make my point with the conviction in my heart. I do NOT take this issue lightly....I speak the same way to people in real life when they joke about suicide.

    Please also know that my harsh words are there for a reason....suicide is anything but a mild issue. It's extreme and brings up very intense feelings in people on both sides of the issue. My harsh words are my attempt to get through to someone that is obviously not thinking correctly.

    When one is in a state where they think suicide is justified, right or "considerate" then they are clearly not thinking properly. Rational arguments fail with this person and in order to get through to that person, often one must adopt the same, extreme thought processes.

    These are quite obviously life and death issues. I couldn't care less if we drag a person (whose considering suicide) out of their "comfort zone" and force them to take a long hard look at their ideas. Afterall, we're trying to not only save lives, we're trying to show how far someone has allowed themselves to go.....they need help....not a hug.

    I agree that everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, the difference is, I have lived through a suicide where as the person considering it is simply trying to use logic to justify their decisions. These are 2 very different perspectives....one is based on reality, one on the extreme logic of someone that thinks suicide is an acceptable answer.

    Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

    You shouldn't expect me to keep quiet on an issue that is so personal to me. If you do...you will be disappointed.
     
  17. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    so, it sounds like you either are or at some point were suicidal? Not to point fingers, but in all honesty it doesent sound like you ever got professional help and at some point you will probably go back to that stage. I don't know you, so this is just guesses. pardon me if I am wrong. It's just that basicly anyone who thinks the way you do about suicide is still in the victim stage that doesent see it as a harm on anyone else. That is pretty much the first thing any form of professional help gives. On top of that, bloody vomit is still a huge mess. I don't believe that pills and alcohol are just a cry for attention. A lot of people try to commit suicide that way because it takes less nerve and seems less scary. They don't have to actually put a gun against there head and pull the trigger. That takes way more nerve than swallowing some pills and not waking up.

    This girl needs help. Suicide should never be taken as a cry for attention and should always be treated as if the person could jump off of a building at any minute. Call a hotline right away. don't wait another second. You never know when its too late. If the girl breaks up with you/ never talks to you, at least you can live the rest of your life knowing you did all you could to save someones life, and whats more is that it was someone that you most likely care a great deal about. Imagine if you don't call and tomorrow she is dead. How would you feel then?
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Could you explain the pills thing ... if I were going to kill myself I would want to use sleeping pills.
     
  19. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    no one is attacking you. like you said, everyone is entitled to there opinion. Now people are giving there opinions that happen to state that they think you are wrong. Suicide is not a normal thing to feel no matter how depressed you are. No matter what your problems are, I garauntee that someone else in the world has had the same problems if not ones more severe. The fact is that suicide is most often caused by clinical depression which can be treated if you get help or if someone gets you help.

    http://www.stopasuicide.org/suicide.html

    If you are a spiritual person, which I don't honestly believe anyone who has attempted suicide could be (however once again, I don't know you, so I don't say this as an attack, just a guess), then you should consider that to god you have been a selfish person and you are going to end up in hell which will be much worse than any amount of shit that is going on in life. If you are not spiritual, or rather not christian, then ignore that particular part. Just thought I would throw that out there as my way of preventing anyone who it helps to not commit suicide.
     
  20. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    is there any possibility of suicide watch? you may want to be with her in person so you can watch her and make sure she doesn't try anything, and also so you can just be there for her. a physical presence is sometimes very helpful, so you can hold her etc.
     
  21. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    My belief that the g/f's actions are a cry for attention does not is any way diminish the impact of her actions, nor the implications. It was still a suicide attempt and should be addressed very seriously.

    Sorry if I gave the wrong impression earlier.
     
  22. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    then why not seek out from friends/family/knowledgable people to try to change your life so that it isn't a living hell?

    And regarding your later comment about constantly coming on here and defending yourself...why not work on trying to adjust your viewpoint so that you don't see everthing as a personal attack?

    Seriously dude, just relax a little.
     
  23. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, but I believe you meant "wants the attention of having tried suicide without the possibility of it actually working."
     
  24. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    A suicidal person, someone who really wants to off themselves, isolates so as to not be reminded of their responsibility to society, loved ones, and self- to endure, overcome, and contribute.

    This person confided in another. That means they see hope for self, however bleak.

    Intervene, help them, help them find better help. They'll hate you now. To the point of cutting you off. They'll love you, and thank you, when things are less bleak.
     

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