Girlfriend wants a break. What should I do? (LONG)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by chicoperico, Aug 20, 2007.

  1. chicoperico

    chicoperico OT Supporter

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    I have known my current girlfriend for about four years, and we're currently in a long distance relationship with me moving about 45 minutes away from her in a month. We have been dating for 4 months, and we talk on the phone every day and text a lot throughout the day. I have also visited her four times, and she has visited me once since we started going out. Everything has been awesome. I love her, and we've had absolutely no problems with each other this whole time.

    Here's where the problem comes up. She recently found out that her dad has been talking to another woman every single day who he had strong feelings for, but he has not done anything physically with her. He has been married to his current wife for around 30 years. This has traumatized her, and she has greatly suffered from it. She has started to pull away from me. I was just on vacation for a week and was barely able to talk to her, and apparently she had a breakdown last night while I was driving home. She called me today and said she wants to take a break for a little bit until I move there to sort out all her family problems because she doesn't want to keep pulling away from me and cause problems within our relationship. I have always been there for her, and it just feels strange now to not really talk to her or anything. What should I do in this situation?? I love her and still want to be with he.


    Sparknotes: In long distance relationship. Girlfriend of four months has family problems and wants to go on a break to sort things out so that when I move near her in one month she will not be pulling away from me. What do I do?
     
  2. hellyea2650

    hellyea2650 New Member

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    If you think she is really worth it, get off your ass and go visit her, now.
     
  3. chicoperico

    chicoperico OT Supporter

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    I would if I could. I don't have the money to fly out there on a spur of the moment thing. I live in Maryland, and she lives in California. I move out there on September 13th.
     
  4. toroweedeater1

    toroweedeater1 New Member

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    ok i have a couple questions.....

    (1) you have know her for four years but have been dating for 4 months. did you guys start "dating" talking on the phone or did you/her visit for a couple weeks (history is important)

    (2) is this move solely for you guys to be closer or is there better employment opportunities, housing, ect?

    if she says she wants to have a break do not by any means start to "cling". she will distance herself even more. if this move is just so you can be closer together but you have better things for yourself in maryland then i would put the move on hold.
     
  5. chicoperico

    chicoperico OT Supporter

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    The move is not for her. I'm going to school 45 minutes away from her. I hadn't spoken to her in a couple months and began talking to her again after deciding where I was going to go to school. I met up with her a couple months later when I visited the campus. We had a great time together and continued to talk on the phone a lot, and I've been out there a few more times since. I'm obviously not going to cling, as I know that can't have any positive outcomes, but it's just odd since we used to talk all the time, and now I'm just kind of at a loss for what I should do.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I stand by my old "wanting a break means she or he wants to go pursue someone else, but will come back to you if they can't get who they want".

    Dump her. Honestly, if it's not about her wanting to be with another guy...why CAN'T she stay with you? Wouldn't you be another source of emotional support? Why couldn't she use your help while she sorts stuff out?
     
  7. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I don't really agree with that, but I don't agree with breaks either. For many people, it means that they want out of the relationship but don't have the heart/courage to end it completely. So instead they say they want a break. This lets them take time and slowly get over the relationship without dealing with a break up. Either way, I'd say most "breaks" are break ups in disguise.

    I don't really agree with either, although I do think you just flat out say, "Do whatever you need to do and feel free to call me when you've figured out your life. I may or may not be interested." <-Nicer than that, but that's the point. Relationships complicate life, they add stress and work. Sometimes people really do have too much going on to feel they have to worry about someone else as well. If this is the case, I'd tell her that you'd like to stay together through it so you can be there for her, but if she can't do that, then you're going to have to start moving on because you can't just wait around for her to figure things out.
     

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