Girlfriend unable to orgasm

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by episime, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. episime

    episime OT Supporter

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    hi all,

    i've been going out with this girl for 4-5mths and she's never had an orgasm, through sex or masturbation... This is endlessly frustrating for me but i cannot imagine what it would be like for her, Pretty much tried everything I can think of to try and get there but no luck...

    has anyone else had a similar experience / any ideas on how to approach it / some suggestions?

    many thanks
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Have you tried actually giving her oral?
     
  3. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

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    :sadwavey: I can't really orgasm either. My boyfriend of a year and a half has only made me do it maybe 3 times.
    By myself I usually can get myself to feel something, but it's not much.
     
  4. 98dirtybird

    98dirtybird OT Supporter

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    oral

    /thread
     
  5. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

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    Oral does not always work.
    Some girls just really have a hard time having an orgasm.

    Perhaps she is not relaxed enough? Or maybe she needs more than one kind of stimulation at the same time.
     
  6. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    You should look into tantric sex workshops/retreats, they can often be a little pricey, but they teach you how to truly relax/be in the moment, breath and for women especially 'experience orgasm' sometimes even without direct genital stimulation.

    Orgasm is 70% in your mind and 25% in your breathing.

    Your girlfriend is likely self-conscious/not-relaxed and has some sort of internal-conflict.

    I highly recommend the above :) good luck, if she can't cum on her own; you are likely not going to help her directly.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ask her if she masturbates or ever have. If she says yes ask her if she has ever gotten off.....Obviously if she says she has she can orgasm and then you two have to work at it. Lots of foreplay with fingers and mouth can only help usually.
     
  8. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    yea if she hasnt masturbated to orgasm before, she might not be able to cum until she does.... shes gotta learn how her body orgasms
     
  9. Tzuma

    Tzuma New Member

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    This is my fiances problem. Its rare she can truly shut her head off enough to not over-think the situation. I think its more frustrating for me, than it is for her.
     
  10. neife

    neife New Member

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    I think Dr. Drew said 60% of all women cannot climax without some clit stimulation, and there is a small percentage of women after that that have not been able to climax. Though not normal, she's not alone in not being able to orgasm. Sucks imo.
     
  11. toroweedeater1

    toroweedeater1 New Member

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    :rofl: 60% havent met someone in the vag.....get comfortable and have fun
     
  12. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I know man. :rofl:

    The Vag is like the house of perfect girls in every way.

    They are so understanding, they never get moody, they never do anything to upset their boyfriends. They keep the meals hot and have great careers. They look like supermodels.

    It's like a private, secret gold mine in here. :mamoru:
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Alaya, you are my shiny penny.
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Going for my creepy quota now. Peace.
     
  15. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    All good advice.

    You say it's endlessly frustrating to you, but how does she feel about it?

    Your ego is getting bruised and she may be ok with the sex just the way it is.

    Maybe take a little pressure off of yourself and her by not shooting for that as a goal.
     
  16. Justin636

    Justin636 Active Member

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    Great point.
     
  17. Justin636

    Justin636 Active Member

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    Also, maybe introduce a toy into the situation? Get a vibrating cock ring and see if she enjoys it? Although if insecurity is the issue, this may increase the insecurities.

    Just relax and stop aiming for it. Enjoy each other.
     
  18. Mighty_Zeus

    Mighty_Zeus Guest

    Well put :) Through everything that you read after this text, never make her feel pressured about it, and make her feel as if the task of what YOU ware doing ALONE is all that you want, orgasm or not. Always wear the smile no matter how frustrating, and let her see how excited I am SURE you will be from time to time.


    As stated, relaxing would probably really help.

    I have faced this before, and have overcome it every time.

    Line up a relaxing day for her (if nothing more than making sure she has no stress). Start with a body massage! Make sure the room is warm and lightly lit (with candles would be best). Make a looooong ordeal of it. And hour if you have to, two. Get her oiled up good and just lightly massage her entire body front and back. Pay attention to erogenous areas massaging around them, avoid direct intimate contact ~ this is to tease her nerves.

    After you have her rubbed up real well, she'll be relaxed, step one complete.

    Move to a bit more of a sexy massage. Nipples and breasts, running fingers over sensitive spots. AVOID direct clitoral contact. Rub around the vag a good deal, upper-inner-thighs. Spend a lot of time AROUND her vag and if she is stimulated by nipple play, visit them frequently too (make sure this whole time it is warm, and your hands are oiled so it's all smooth and warm).

    Have some red wine handy to drink (it's pH is relatively equal to that of the vagina, you are going to be down for a while, it makes things better for both parties).Cunnilingus is the key. After step two of the massage, get down to business, but VERY delicately and STILL avoid all clitoral DIRECT contact. You want to tease her body into reaching to you for it's needs. Spend a great deal of time on her outer lips and in the folds outside the inside. Run up and down slowly with light pressure, enough that the pressure will move the skin a bit as your tongue moves, this teases the clit and satisfies the equally sensitive nerves in the folds of the outer labia.

    After a good 10-15 minutes of that kind of play, move to sucking the inner labia, running your tongue up and down the inside of them lightly and slowly, and AVOID THE CLIT. Pay some special attention to the perineum (aka skin at the bottom of the vaginal opening), it's very sensitive and likes being teased, tongue flicked, tongue rubbed. Continue to work ALL of the lips from time to time as well, avoiding the clit but always moving the pressure of things towards the clit.

    By this time it should literally be reaching for you, and you ought to start giving it a little attention. But first, slip a finger into her vag palm up and hook your finger gently behind her pubic bone, you'll feel the spot, that's her g-spot, you need to give some attention there as well because all this while you have been waking up ALL the nerves in her vaginal area.

    So, commence to tease the clit with tongue rubs, and lit flicks. As cliche as it sounds, spell the alphabet with your tongue imagining that there is a rectangle with the clit in the middle and you have to keep the letters in the rectangle. While you are teasing her clit you want to lightly rub the g-spot, or make short strokes with the finger that is in there maintaining a bit of pressure with the 'hooked' finger (be SURE you have no sharp nails).

    Always be consistent with the cadence, and build ever up. She ought to be stuffing your face into the mess by the time you are at teasing the clit and rubbing the g-spot ;) Pay close attention to things that you do in this sequence that make her pleased. Don't focus on only those things, but be sure to go back to them briefly, but regularly.

    And if that doesn't work? Try it again, still no go? Sex therapist.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2008
  19. fray

    fray New Member

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    don't push the issue. does it bother her, or is she happy just enjoying everything even if she doesn't get off? It's annoying when a guy makes a huge deal out of it. Probably makes it less likely to happen.

    There are previous threads about this already. I'm too lazy to search them out for you.
     
  20. fray

    fray New Member

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    15 minutes of sucking/licking/whatevering the labia? really?
     
  21. Mighty_Zeus

    Mighty_Zeus Guest

    :cool: Unless she gets bored with it :dunno: never been told to dismount though. Gotta make sure you are not TOO enthusiastic though (suck lightly, lick lightly) ~ cause then it'll over sensitize...and that's bad.
     
  22. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I find your thinly veiled misogyny more and more charming :love:
     
  23. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    I just talked to my guy friend about this exact topic and we decided that hands down, stop making it a goal for her to orgasm during sex. If she says "I'd like to try today" then that's one thing, but if my SO comes to me and says "I want you to cum tonight" I'm thinking... "Well now I won't, no chance!"

    My best girl friend was like this as well, and she and her SO had begun to give up... until they went into a sex shop and the lady there told my friend how to masturbate. It was really uncomfortable for a while, but then my friend got all these tips and ideas and she found out that she can only cum when she's on top. Literally, that's the only way. And lot of people, guys and girls, would have missed that (not saying you have). Like people have said, getting herself off will be the way she will cum with you. It has to be her in control, not you.

    As an example, my SO likes to try to 'help' me along when we are going at it, and every time he moves or changes position to a 'better angle' it's wrong and I lose my momentum. He's definitely trying to help, but a lot of the time, it doesn't. Let her do the driving, and if she doesn't want to, you might have to tell her that she has to try it out or she might be frustrated for a long time.

    /overly-long advice

    DA
     
  24. fray

    fray New Member

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    i'm female and this doesn't sound pleasing to me. i'd be bored and need a magazine taped to the ceiling or something.
     
  25. fray

    fray New Member

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    This actually sounds a lot like me (minus the actually ever getting there part). I need to have my muscles tensed to get anywhere, and same on the bladder thing.
     

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