SRS Girlfriend stuff. Am I being unreasonable?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Silverwolf90, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. Silverwolf90

    Silverwolf90 New Member

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    Beofre we were going out my girlfriend liked to party from time to time. However I'm not really into that at all. I'm quite against the whole drinking in the context of a party because everyone's doing it. However whenever she did, and told me about it (drunk messages etc) after we started going out it really affected me. I felt like shit, angry, sad and sick where i felt nauseous, heart races and can't sleep. So I told her I didn't want her drinking, I didn't want to pull the controlling boyfriend card. But I just couldn't handle her drinking. This was like two weeks into the relationship. She was fine with that, 5 months later (last night) she had a party at her house because her friends were all going to start drinking/getting high so she decided to have it at her house where they knew they would be safe because she didn't want them driving while under the infulence etc. She left her away message as "I'm sorry and I love you." I called her to ask what it was about and she explained everything. Apparently she had "a few sips" but shes on BC so she sounded kinda out of it because its obviously going to affect her more. Although she repeatedly told me she was fine. It still made me feel like complete shit.

    Now she's decided that she wants to drink from time to time and telling me how unreasonable I am. She wants to come to a compromise, but I just can't. Because whenever she will drink, I'll feel like shit again. And so, eventually I'll just have to break up with her because I won't be able to handle that anymore. So she was like "what if I don't want to follow what you're telling me?" and I just responded "then you've chosen drinking over me." Then she's told me that she doesn't think it's that black and white. However, for me it really is.

    I know its not really fair for her, but I don't know what to do. :sadwavey: This is the only time I've ever asked her not to something either, I'm incredibly chill and leniant, not a controlling boyfriend at all in any other respect.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2007
  2. fray

    fray New Member

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    Sounds a little unreasonable to me. It sounds like she's not getting wasted, she just wants to occasionally kick back with a few beers. She probably also just wants to be able to spend time with her friends, and unfortunately what they're all doing together is drinking. She's willing to cut it way back for you. It sounds like it's your problem, not hers. So, what happened that made you so freaked out about the GF drinking?

    Also, I'm not sure what that whole part about her being on BC so alcohol affecting her more was...
     
  3. Silverwolf90

    Silverwolf90 New Member

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    I know its my problem :wtc: but I seriously can't handle it. I think she'd drink more if I told her she could. But in any case, I don't even know why I'm so fucking against it. I just am. My family life is great, all my friends don't drink, no bad experiences.

    About the bc, I was just letting you know that she didn't sound as "fine" as she told me she was. But whatever, maybe she was just tired.

    I love her and I really don't want this to come between us.
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

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    You can't deal with a compromise like 2x/month or if you're with her to make sure she's okay? Or what if she drank, but not to excess? Do you not trust her? Has she done something in the past that's made you believe that there's a problem if she drinks?

    The BC part was confusing. You meant birth control right, or am I too used to vag threads? Cuz being on birth control doesn't affect ability to handle alcohol.
     
  5. Silverwolf90

    Silverwolf90 New Member

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    I trust her completely. But its just drinking in the whole party context that bothers me a shitload. She's not done anything to break my trust.

    Oh, I was under the impression it did?
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    BC does not have anything to do with how alcohol effects you. Just checked your age so that explains it :o

    Why aren't you at these parties with her then if it bothers you so much? You are being very unreasonable here, she isn't doing anything wrong. Be glad you have a gf that barely drinks and doesn't get trashed.
     
  7. Silverwolf90

    Silverwolf90 New Member

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    I have difficult/strict parents. Frankly, she's never asked me to come to one, she just calls me at like 12 telling me that she was. And if i told her i was okay, she might get plastered. But maybe not, I don't know.
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Ok well that changes things a little then. There's nothing wrong with her going out and drinking but I do see something wrong with her never inviting you (unless it's because she knows that you won't be allowed to go or that she thinks you'll just sit there being emo all night). If she's not doing anything wrong then there's no reason why she wouldn't want you to come along with her. But seriously you need to get over your hangup with drinking as soon as you can. It's only going to get worse when you go to college. Most people drink at least a little, there's nothing you can do about it but accept it. It's fine if you don't want to do it but it's not your place to tell someone else that they can't have a few drinks here and there if they want to.
     
  9. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    this sounds like a bad relationship. Why? because you don't trust her. You have to let her empower herself. If she can handle that responsibility then shes a good one to keep, if not then let go. Two weeks in is no time to be dictating rules.

    everything is alright in moderation.
     
  10. eu4ia

    eu4ia Active Member

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    i think the reason that she doesnt invite you is because she will feel uncomfortable if she wants to drink because she knows you wont let her.

    i think youre being unreasonable about this being such a big hangup for you, but if you really cant get over it then i think you need to end it.

    its so stupid for her to define her life and what she wants to do based on your insecurity about drinking

    she will definitely want to drink in college and go out and have fun but it sounds like she cant do that with you and yall are way too young to limit yourselves like this.
     
  11. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    If you can't get over it, get on with it.

    Most people drink at some point or another. You're going to have to get used to it.
     
  12. Guerilla Grower

    Guerilla Grower New Member

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    I still don't get why you don't like her to drink, is because you think she will cheat on you? Would it be better if she was getting drunk with a couple of her friends as aposed to in a "party" setting?

    have you ever had alcohol before?
     
  13. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Actually, it does. Well, according to my universities student health info.

    Silver:
    Are you being unreasonable? maybe. But more to the point, if it is one of your relationship deal breakers, then stay true to that. If you don't want to be with someone who drinks then don't be with someone who drinks. If you are willing to compromise, then do so- but don't leave her in limbo. Let her know what you're going to do and stick with it.

    Good luck to you :)
     
  14. fray

    fray New Member

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    Is this still true with the low-dose estrogen that is currently available though, or is this true of the older forms of the drug? Because my impression was that this was no longer a huge factor.

    He knew coming in that she drank and went to parties. I think if it was a deal breaker, then he should've considered that coming in. Of course he should break up with her if it's a deal breaker, but I don't think it is for him. He says he loves her and wants to know if his expectations are unreasonable. I think in the context presented, they are.

    Threadstarter, I think it shows quite a bit of trustworthiness on your gf's part that she's willing to tell you that she wants to drink some and not just do it behind your back. You can't tell her what she can and can't do. You need to compromise with her or you will just end up with either an unhappy girlfriend or her doing it behind your back eventually. Either which of those will likely end with breakup anyway. So, you have to decide what is important to you. Like midgetized said, it will only get worse in college, etc. Do you think you would feel better about it if you knew what she was doing in advance instead of her calling you at midnight after that fact? I think having strict parents affects your viewpoint of alcohol. It did mine. My brother still has never touched drugs/alcohol. He looks to date people who do not drink to excess, but he knows that he cannot change what people do once he starts dating them.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    End current relationship.

    Find someone more compatible with your views.

    End of story
     
  16. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    I was wondering the same actually. I have no idea about low dose pills- that's all the info I've got.


    I totally agree with this. How willing are you to compromise? What exactly is it that make you feel so uneasy about the situation?
     
  17. mg

    mg OT Supporter

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    :confused: why? you claim you have a stable personal life and that you trust her... why the anxiety?

    :rolleyes: :ugh: then why do you feel like shit, angry, sad, etc...

    you pulled the controlling boyfriend card when you told her you didn't want her drinking. :hsugh:


    you sound very selfish. do her a favor and end the relationship; and as MattThom01 said, find someone compatible with your views.
     
  18. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest


    :werd:!



    (but i dont think your being unreasonable)
     
  19. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    .
     
  20. Silverwolf90

    Silverwolf90 New Member

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    I don't know, I don't know.

    And I know that I pulled that card, thats what I meant when I said that.

    And we finally came to an agreement. I know this probably isn't the best but whatever

    1. She invites me when she can so I see what its like
    2. She doesn't tell me when she does.
     
  21. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Unless you have gone drinking, you shouldn't speak ill of it. Also just because you have one bad night, doesn't mean everyone should not be able to have a drink.

    1) I agree you should go with and open mind.

    2) This will only end badly.
     
  22. fray

    fray New Member

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    :hs: don't get angry with her when she does this
     
  23. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I think you're being a bit unreasonable. It's not like she is going out getting completely hammered all the time. She's cut back for you and that should be pretty good.
     
  24. runawaycamel

    runawaycamel New Member

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    Youre being unreasonable. She's willing to compromise, and so should you. If you're that worried about it then youre either insecure with yourself or the relationship, and she shouldn't have to stop drinking because of that. If she is out getting trashed all the time, that is different, but from what you wrote it doesn't seem to be like that.
    If you keep controlling this so tightly she's going to feel suffocated and both of you will get hurt.
     

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