SRS Girlfriend Says I Don't Need Anybody

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Dio Seijuro, Mar 10, 2008.

  1. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    My girlfriend and I have been together 8 years. From about a year ago she started complaining occasionally about me becoming increasingly "self sufficient" these days...too much, in fact. The slightly disturbing thing is, I kind of agree with her and see her point. It's kind of become a central issue recently, as I started wondering whether I have grown into a person who's happiest being left alone. And I am not sure I like the thought of being happier when my girlfriend is away--I do want to be with her.

    Some evidence:

    - I used to have more desire and drive to keep in touch with friends, make new friends, but don't anymore.
    - I don't feel the need to keep in touch with my family/relatives, and haven't actively done so for a couple years now.
    - We are in a long-distance relationship, and when she's here, we both find that I get annoyed more nowadays about not having complete freedom and control over my schedule. I have one television and one computer, and I am used to doing whatever I want whenever I want since I don't go out with friends much.

    I live alone, am financially independent, and don't like to go out with very many people, and basically have gotten used to doing whatever I want whenever I want. I feel happy about my lifestyle, but not so happy when thinking about my relationship because I have to deal with the possibility that as much as I love my girlfriend and have been talking about marriage recently, I might have become a person who doesn't need anybody anymore. Is this a big problem?
     
  2. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    You can only be alone for so long before you will desire companionship again. I used to be a complete loner all through grade school, but I soon realized that it really sucks half the time. If you have someone thats good for you, I say dont lose it because you'd rather be watching tv then spending time with someone who cares/loves you.

    From the way it sounds, is that the LDR is getting the better of you because she's obviously not with you as much, which is going to negativly affect your relationship. If I were you, I'd really try to work at it, because IMHO, the trade off of bascially ending your relationship so that you can be totallly independent and alone is just not worth it, unless there are some real serious flaws on your GF's part that makes you want to stay away from her.

    I would say just work on it, and it appears that you may have forgotten what really got you two together in the first place because of the LDR
     
  3. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    It's not normal to be that independent. Do you feel that friendships take too much effort to build and maintain or are you afraid of abandonment by friends?

    If you're annoyed when your LDR is around, that's not good either. The world is not perfect and beautiful. It'd be nice to have everything fall into place like pieces of a puzzle. If you've never had to wait in line at checkout or if you always got green lights while driving, the world would be a nice place. But what would be the sense of living?
     
  4. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    It's the first one. I agree it's not normal.

    It's not just build and maintain, but also that friendships impede in my leisure. To me it's the simple fact that when I am with friends or strangers (worse), I cannot do what I want when I want. You have to understand that I've put myself in a position and lifestyle for about 2 years now where I have a dictatorial control over my schedule, living arrangement, and such.
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Other than when you feel inconvenienced, are you fairly emotionless?
     
  6. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    why the hell are you in an LDR @ 8 years?
     
  7. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    No...I am not very emotional nor emotionless. Generally though I would say I am unusually hard to upset or anger. There are more situations where I would confront with indifference when most people would react strongly.
     
  8. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    For one thing, it has been difficult for either of us to move, until recently (hence the talk about marriage). We both love each other and see each other often enough that the LDR was not too big of a deal after several years of adjusting to it.
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Does it feel foreign to you when people show excessive excitement?
     
  10. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    Perhaps a little bit, but not really. Let me explain.

    When I see somebody reacting differently than I (in terms of showing more emotion), I can usually see why and find it acceptable. I don't think people are crazy to be emotional. I am just inclined to be calm, logical, and nonchalant about many things I find trivial. This is a cultured behavior too...I wasn't like this as a kid.
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Well, it can be so many things. A doctor can help you figure out what it is and how to deal with it.
     
  12. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

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    I'm kind of the same, i don't talk to family or friends either.
    I'm happy and i always been this way and if you're happy with it then that's fine, but since you made a post about it, it's maybe something that you want to change. So only you can tell if it's a problem i think, if it makes you sad or unhappy, then you should consider it a problem and fix it. :)
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's going to be nuts if/when you two finally move in together...That's when you'll really be confused I think.
     
  14. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    I agree. Maybe you guys need some good ol' fashioned bonding and the time to figure out what's behind your need to isolate yourself. If I were you, I wouldn't drop her just yet.
     
  15. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    curious as to why? 8 years is a long time to have an LDR. . . . not a big deal after a few years? :ugh: if it was going well it should become a bigger deal as time passes. i would think...... :dunno:
     
  16. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    kinda reminds me of my last 2 years of college. lived in an apt so only went on campus for class and never stayed afterwards. i lost touch w/ lots of friends (really, i just didn't feel like putting the effort into it) and hardly talked w/ family. i was just really apathetic, and outside of small talk during class, the only person i'd really talk to was my roommate (and that was only sparingly since our schedules conflicted a lot). nowadays it's a bit better, but that's b/c i made the conscious decision to put myself in situations where i'd have to interact w/ people.
     
  17. illmaceyougood

    illmaceyougood New Member

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    If you haven't married her after 8 years, then it ain't gonna happen.
     
  18. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    I am not unhappy about the relationship at all, if I was not being clear about this point before. Both she and I agree most of the time we are perfectly happy with each other. We are not in a hurry to marry because neither of us want children. When I see other girls that are attractive, I have no interest in dumping my girlfriend to start a new relationship. At the most I want to fuck them and get the hell away, but that feeling is never very strong.

    The problem is, again, that my girlfriend brought out a point I found compelling--I am happy with her, I am (probably going to be) happy without her. I plan my life and live my life a lot of times as if all I need to be happy is a little financial security, good health, and lots of free time to engage in leisure (most are one-person affairs). She thinks I don't take her wants and needs very seriously, thinks I insist on living my own way too much.

    I just wonder if my case is especially weird.
     
  19. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    we all think you insist on living on your own too much, amiright? you have been with a woman 8 years and have neither married nor lived together!!!!!
     
  20. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    We have lived together for months at a time many times. So there is hardly anything about living together that shocks me or surprises me now.

    I guess I am beginning to wonder what makes living with and catering to somebody else's preferences worthwhile. Be loved is a pretty good reason.

    Can't have both ways I suppose. But I am curious. Does anyone think it's possible to be social and/or be in a marriage while having major freedom in decision making? And if not...do companionships really give you so much happiness that you are willing to trade autonomy for it, or are you never the kind of person who needs a lot of control in the first place?
     
  21. WOMBUZZ

    WOMBUZZ New Member

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    i think you feel like you do, and have been acting like you do because you have the comfort of knowing that someone is there for you and loves you and you don't really have to worry about being alone
     

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