SRS girlfriend problems...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CharlesMNeo, May 24, 2006.

  1. CharlesMNeo

    CharlesMNeo New Member

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    my girlfriend is really laid back and i guess thats a good thing, but it always feels like she doesn't need me at all. It feels like I always initiate hanging out with her and when we hang out shes happy and stuff, so I can't understand why she can't initiate something once in a while.
    It always seems as if she doesn't give a crap about anything, and it really bothers me when it feels like something should bother her at least a little but she will just go on like nothing happend. If i didn't go over to her place or didn't initiate something, i'm sure she can just go on without seeing me, which bugs me a shitload because i wanna see her but it feels like she'll be just as fine if i didn't. I'm in college and we live like 30 ft apart. I just feel awful a lot of the time now because of this and I feel like a needly little bitch, but is it wrong to want to feel wanted occasionally? Anyone can help me out with my situation?
     
  2. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Try this, dont initiate anything for a week or see and see what she does.

    If she really does like/love you she will go looking for you, if not, then its time to move on, or keep hitting it till you find someone else.
     
  3. nbiggershaft

    nbiggershaft New Member

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    shouldn't these threads be in asylum?
     
  4. CharlesMNeo

    CharlesMNeo New Member

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    well i know she wants to spend time with me and i know she likes spending time with me. the thing is i wanna do something like that to see how shed respond but then i really miss her and i just feel crappy without her and i eventually talk to her. if i dont initiate somethin for a long time shell probably come to me to see whats wrong, but it just seems like she doesn't care so much of the time and makes me feel so fuckin awful
     
  5. CharlesMNeo

    CharlesMNeo New Member

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    o crap maybe they should be.. never even knew about the asylum.. haha blahh i just felt really bad and needed to let it out and get some help
     
  6. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Try talking to her about it? I mean whats the point of being in a relationship if you feel awful. Just try talking to her about it, you might learn something new.
     
  7. CharlesMNeo

    CharlesMNeo New Member

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    well i never thought id say this but i kinda wish she would be more clingy.. I don't know how to tell that to her??
    ive told her before that it feels like she doesn't care, but she always tells me she does care about me a lot.. thanks for your help man, i think ill try to talk to her about it again.. i dont want her to think im a needy bitch tho...
     
  8. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Just gotta know how to word it right, yes it is nice when they are clingy, but when they are too clingy it gets annoying.

    Also a suggestion... try to find something you love to do that only you do or maybe you do with a group of friends w/o the GF. It will help break the "needy" side of you.
     
  9. CharlesMNeo

    CharlesMNeo New Member

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    hey, thanks a lot for the help, do you have any thoughts as to what i can say to her? it seems unlikely that she will actually change her personality after a talk.. if only i could just make her a little clingy this would be an awesome relationship.
     
  10. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Just ask her why she isn't planning some of the dates and why you are always the one to go seek her out... see how she responds... then add in...

    That you would like it if she came up with some date ideas or came and found you to go do something.

    Something like that... it is 3am here so I'm getting a little sleepy...

    Just be ready to handle a curve ball, women are famous for throwing them at anytime.
     
  11. hootpie

    hootpie New Member

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    Have you tried talking to her about it? She's probably so used to you initiating that it hasn't occurred to her to initiate anything herself. Just let her know and I'm sure she'll start initiating.
     
  12. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    my friends are actually the same way... If I don't call them and see what's going on, I will end up not seeing them for about 2-4 weeks until one of them ends up calling me... I don't have a lot of friends because I go to commuter college and my old high school friends fell off a long time ago. Mainly just me and a few buddies. It sucks but oh well.


    As for the girl thing, I've been there too. Chances are she isn't that into you. I don't think you should stop initiating stuff with her like some people have suggested. It won't get you anywhere but a fight. Just call her up and talk to her out of the blue about it. Just straight up ask "so why is it I always have to initiate a date and you never really seem to make one? you seem happy, are you really? etc etc"

    Best way to clear stuff up is to talk about it.
     
  13. CharlesMNeo

    CharlesMNeo New Member

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    im pretty sure shes into me.. we have a pretty complicated history, but she kinda left another guy to be with me.. yea i think im gonna talk to her about it tomorrow, i think its been worse recently cuz shes been really busy with studying so i just feel neglected..
     
  14. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    good shit... the sooner you get these things off your chest the sooner things will be dealt with, whether it's a break up or reform in her behavior. Good luck
     
  15. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    patience, patience... I can't be everywhere at once :nono:
     
  16. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    I thought Mod-liness is next to God-liness.
    :hsugh:
     
  17. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Then the problem is with you. You are attaching your happiness on an external thing. You aren't happy with just yourself-which is a trait of a very insecure and weaker person. Also, this is probably the source of why your girlfriend isn't that excited or "in love" with you. It's a turn on to be with a man who is a man's man, a guy with self confidence, self respect, etc, a man who is independant, strong, and a father figure type. If you are so desperate to talk to her and be with her then this lack of independance and self confidence shows. It's boring.

    You should be perfectly capable to be happy on your own. Happiness does not come from external things but from within yourself. This is something I would look into if I were you. Why are you looking for happiness from other sources besides yourself?
     
  18. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I have the exact same problem with my boyfriend, but I think it's a little more complicated.

    At first, I found it odd, so I asked him about it and he said, "I'm just a boring person, I don't like to do much. I only do things with you when you ask, because I know you will enjoy yourself". I know he has some sort of self-esteem issue, because he always refers to himself as "boring".

    I only see him for two days a week, on the weekends, because we live rather far from eachother. When I meet up with him, I usually tell him I miss him and give him a big hug, but it's always me. He NEVER says he misses me and just says hello when he sees me on the weekend. No hug, no kiss unless I initiate it. I even saw him at school one day and he passed by me with only a wave. My friends were there and they mentioned to me that they thought it was rather strange that he wouldn't stop and talk or give me a hug or say hello. He was clearly not in a rush and just hanging out with some friends.

    Now originally I thought, maybe he just lost interest in the relationship, but when I tried staying away from him for a week, I told him, "It doesn't seem like you're too thrilled to have me over, so maybe I'll stay home for this weekend." The fit he threw was incredible. He got overly emotional, and angry. I asked him why he was so upset, and he said that he didn't want me to be mad at him and he would do whatever it took to make me happy again. One week I actually refused to come over and he called me crying (he NEVER cries), begging me to come over.

    It's like he just wants me to be around but he doesn't really want a relationship. I'm totaly confused. Anyone have any ideas?
     

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