SRS Girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me :(

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Beezure, Jan 18, 2005.

  1. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    Story goes,
    After going out with my SO for 2 years she moves in with me, here it is 2 years after that (4 total) and on thurday she comes up to my work for lunch (normal thing) so when she gets there she ask if we could talk, basiclly tells me she needs to be alone right now, and needs some time to her self (i'm like wtf can we talk about what problems you are haveing before you leave, she's like no i gotta go to work, i'll talk to you later.) so i leave her be, call her friday afternoon, she's like i wanna move out, at this point i'm like wtf.

    fastforward saturday night, i'm 2 hours out of town spending time with family, she calls me crying not noing what she wants,end up driving home at like 1 am we talk for like 4 hours till like the crack of dawn and end up hookin up. so i wake up sunday morning leave (she is staying at her friends house (female)) get home . now here's were the fun starts.

    i open up here outlook by accedent, and see she sent an email on the 11'th of jan, three days befores she told me she needed some time alone, her exact words in the email,(it's not my fault he can't handle the fact that where over) :eek4: :eek4: , at this point i'm flipping out, all along she new she was gonna break up with me and waited and told all here friends before she told me. :eek3: :wtc:

    So i don't say anything to her cause i new she was coming over, basiclly she comes over and dumps me Reasons: i don't listen enough, i look happier when i'm on the computer then with here, and how i don't treat her the same any more.

    Now granted i have been stressed lately (started my own business ect.. and working full time also) my thing is that do i let her go ?

    i am 24 she is 20 :eek3:

    I talked to her today, and asked her.

    if your not sure what's going on you don't have to move all your shit out yet just take what you need, but if your sure where over i'll help you move it out asap.

    at which point she says, no lets leave it.

    what do i do, we have never split in the 4 years together, i love her to death and miss her so much.

    after sunday, i didn't talk till today also she wants to stop by later and play with our 2 sugar gliders(pets) we just got 2 months ago.

    as i was typing she called, talked for awhile, she is def coming over tonight,

    what to do ?

    or am i just being a little bitch and need to let her go ? :wtc:
     
  2. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    A little history on her, her mother is and has been forever a alholic, she has fond memories of getting her mom out of jail and other not so nice situation. she is obviously still young, just started school up again (college), and is very stressed right now.

    I fell like she didn't communicate well with me what was wrong with her. thus it built up and she blew.

    :dunno:

    i need help ot, it hurts pretty bad right now/
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2005
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Go for the exuse, say you had a bussiness to run and know have neglected her,but that she was always in your mind, and make an appointment with her to go out somewhere and have more romantic date in a good restaurant with candle ligths whatever involved with you and her, tell her you invested 4 years of hard work on your relationship, and why didn't she tell you sooner that something was bugging her? You could have reacted or do something about it, Tell her that she knows you love her, and that it's her fault for neglecting her feelings to you. Which made you feel lonely and that that's the reason why nother ever happend.

    I wouldn't let go of her, and i wouldn't NEGLECT her in the future, if there's still a chance, grab it now!!! Isolation isn't good for you ,:hsugh:

    Remember you always have to continuesly invest into your relationship, you can't just drop someone as a brick or put them into some corner and forget about them.

    I don't know if her accussation is justified however, in any case i would share her your feelings. And prepare yourself

    Never go into a relationship expecting it to work out :hsugh: even after that long time, I HIGHLY advice you to prepare as best as you can for a Nightmare situation.

    So for me it's best to already act, and say that the best cure for a lost ex-gf, is a new-gf, there might be even better girls out there then her, I encourage you to move on and ask for support here in Asylum if it's final, we'll be here for you :hug:

    Good luck, and try to kick ass for the last time and give your BEST attempt in your entire fricking life to get her back.
     
  4. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    Thanks very much for the reply,

    to awnser your question, i asked her if she would go to our favorite italion place little hole, in the wall , she said not tonight. When i asked her why she didn't talk to mem, she said she was scared to conront me, which i don't know why , i never yell at her when we dissuse problems where having and have never layed a hand on her (bad),

    She is still coming over tonight to play with the pets, so maybe i'll get some pics for OT :) no but seriously,

    After reading some other post in asylum, i feel that maybe she is getting scared of were the relationship was headed (long term ) although i don;'t know since we never talked about marrige. :dunno: Today was alot better then yesterday though.

    She says she's confused, needs some time to think !! :weak:

    i know if we have to figure it out soon, i can't stay in limbo with this, it hurts to much, either were together or , we stop contact for a while. dunno if i can be freinds with her. :wtc:
     
  5. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    update: just texted me said she's going groceryshopping, and has to open wants to meet tommorrow night. :wtc:

    plus i was looking around the apartment, when she stopped by she flipped over all the pictures of us together :wtc:

    doesn't look good
     
  6. Ice Rado

    Ice Rado New Member

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    man i feel for you...this happened to my friend just alittle while back...they weren't living together but were super close...best thing to do is make her aware of how u feel...its took my friend awhile just to get over teh whole fact that it was over but when he did he felt a l0t better and lately she's been talking to him alittle more and has opened up a l0t since they broke up...sometimes chicks want time alone, but hopefully she'll realize what she had and come back
     
  7. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    I already gave her a letter of my feelings, i'm getting, mixed signals, very confusing. she said she still feels it. dunno :
     
  8. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    You don't need to let her go, as she has already left. In this type of relationship there are two types of people, those that want to go (her) and those left behind (you.) The one that will be most hurt in this divorce is you. (I know you weren't married, but essentially you were.)
     
  9. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    :wtc: :wtc: i guess i just have to let her go
     
  10. intellectual property

    intellectual property these pretzels are making me THIRSTY!

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    i think the problem lies in the fact that you attached yourself to an emotionally immature female.

    4 years? if you're 24 now and she's 20, obviously you went out with a 16 year old when you were 20.

    i think the math speaks for itself. college age + hs relationship is a bad idea... now she's college age and you're in the working force. you two are at different points in your lives. she probably just wants to experience being single as she hasn't had the opportunity to do so since she was 16...
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Children of alcoholics often have abandonment issues. No girl likes to be 2nd to a computer. I've made that mistake before. :o Guys do need their autonomy, but then you have to up your game when you're with her to make up for that. Best thing to do now is to just let it go. She doesn't deserve to have you for the lies she told. I mean that ruins your reputation.
     
  12. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    I'm sure this has a big part in her decision, sucks there's really nothing i can do :wtc:
     
  13. Synner

    Synner New Member

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    Pretty much, it's a college thing. My fiance cheated on me 2 weeks after getting here for crap's sake. But if you really still want to be with her, just give her some space, tell her that if she can handle it, you'd like to at least stay friends, and if she goes for it, stay in contact with her. Email her once a month or so, make sure she knows you're still thinking about her, but whatever you do, DON'T TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. Missing people after a breakup is one thing, being obsessed is another.

    Basically, all you can do now is wait it out, but make sure that you have a way to stay in contact.....and whenever the option comes up to go out and celebrate anything (business taking off, etc.), make sure you invite her along. Even if it's a group, she'll still feel important for being invited, which will make sure she knows you're still into her, but don't get too clingy.

    Hope everything works out for you.
     
  14. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    I'm agreeing mostly with whoever mentioned immaturity on her part. Girls do not have the extreme testosterone like males, so they give off the illussion of being more mature for a long time, but to be honest they're just as bad. Dating a 16 year old girl EVEN IF you're a 16 year old guy is a bad move. These girls just don't know what they want, and will do a lot of damage once they feel trapped in the wrong direction, whether or not they know what the right direction is.

    I understand that she's 20 now, but I've been dating a 19 year old with similar problems. I finally got her to open up to me some more, but it does sound like your gf had pent up problems, and she failed to communicate with you like she should have. The way she went to her friends before discussing anything with you is a sure sign that immaturity was most likely the root of the problem.

    The sad truth is that girls really aren't mysterious and confusing, they're just evil :wtc: . But seriously, I understand just how you're feeling and it is REALLY hard. Once you've broken off your feelings for her and moved on, it will be one of the better moves you've made in your life. Next time, aim for a girl closer to your age, or even older. When you find the right one, you'll know what "unconditional love" feels like - and I mean recieving it, not just giving.
     
  15. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    I think your right, also she may have been feeling traped, didn't know how to communicate those feeling to me ect.. and just broke it off. the sad thing is i know her friends had alot of influence on her desicion. :wtc: :wtc: You'd think if she loved me so much she would talk to me first, guess that shows how immature she really is.

    On another note, she came over last night, about 9:30 (an hour later then she told me) to play with the pets ect.. next thing i know it's 11:00 she tired, we end up in bed and one thing leads to another :eek3:

    I swear, either she's really confused, or something , cause she was really into it :eek3:

    Realisticly though, if were not going to get back together i'm just digging myself a deeper emotional hole to get out of :wtc: :wtc:
     
  16. silver4dracs

    silver4dracs New Member

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    Yes, you are digging a deeper hole. I am in the same position, she left me but we still see each other. This will make it worse, just leave her alone and then she may eventually realize that she had someone despite her immaturity, that was willing to stick by her side. There aren't many people out there that trusting and she will think of you again. At least that is what I am thinking, being in you exact position. Just leave it alone, believe me I know how hard it is I have cracked a couple of times already, but I will no more! You should do the same!

    Silver4dracs
     
  17. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    so basiclly don't call her, text, bring her flowers :hsugh: ect... ? Only let her call me ? :wtc: :wtc: It's gonna suck not to talk to her after having her for 4 years
     
  18. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    pull yourself away now
     
  19. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    not even a couple one night stands every now and then ? :wtc: :wtc: :wtc:
     
  20. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i wouldnt advise it, it will just make things harder on you more than anything else. just think that you 2 have been together for 4 years. thats a long time. right now you both probably need space to figure things out in life. so get yours and give her space too.
     
  21. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    :sadwavey: :sadwavey: :wtc:
     
  22. kilgore trout

    kilgore trout New Member

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    im in similar situation, except mine is in another country till june and our lease is over then so i ll have already found a new place and who knows where she ll live, if we ll even be in the same city, she may live with her sister or friend in nyc so i dont have a chance. and we only brokeup cause she was offered a free trip to spain we were getting along great.

    :wtc: i feel for ya bro, it sucks.
     
  23. sexhaver420

    sexhaver420 Buying stuff I don't need, with money I don't have OT Supporter

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    okay i know this is the asylum and it might be the type of advice youd find in the vaginarium rather than the asylum. Nonetheless its advice and its intended for your best interrest.

    sounds temporary. girls are like that. its not like she threw all your pictures away. just talk about it mang.

    show that you > her friends. then....
    just seduce her
     
  24. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    You've been togehter four years? You say you love her? She probably wants to know if this is gonna go anywhere? Have you ever talked about marrying her? I'd put a good bet on that's possibly what she wants. You sound pretty well off, you're good security to her. Sure you've been stressed a bit lately but all relationships go through there hard times. I'd confront her about marriage and see if that's what she wants.
     
  25. I'll be simple and to the point here: Her past history is not conducive to a healthy functional relationship without a recovery program [i.e. counseling, Al-anon].

    It would be in your best interest to let go emotionally, but not necessarily "give up." You're going to grieve regardless, but If you love her - encourage the conclusion of the relationship entirely at this point. It's a painful thing I'm suggesting, but it will reap rewards if you sincerely follow through and let it happen without trying to reason or question your way thru it.

    She can't tell you the real reasons of what's happening to her, because she's not aware of them, and the reasons she is aware of aren't indeed the root cause of her behavior and feelings. She doesn't know that, and therefore it's futile to question or reason here.

    The problems she's facing have nothing to do with you, even though she's said otherwise. The problem is something you have no power over and you didn't cause it. It existed before you two even met. I won't explain the reasons since you won't fully understand them anyway - not because you're not capable - but because you're too emotionally attached at this time to what is happening, and you'll attempt to ask questions which would be better left unasked at this time.
     

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