SRS Girlfriend needs help, I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bitetobreakskinn, Dec 19, 2005.

  1. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2004
    Messages:
    14,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    =PA=
    My girlfriend (dating about 3 months now, she's 18/I'm 22) recently got into a huge fight with her parents about school. The conclusion to the fight was her telling her parents "I'm leaving the house" and them saying they didn't care. She's not sure if she wants to move back home or not, because the rules she would have if she stays, she thinks are ridiculous, and she wouldn't feel like she was safe/secure at home if she had them.

    I let her stay here (my house) last night, and I want to be there for her more in all of this, but I don't know what else I can do. I took her to school this morning, and she knows my number if she needs anything. She's supposively talking to her guidance councelor at lunch to see if she can make arrangements to live somewhere else. I don't like just sitting here and waiting to see what happens, because all of this breaks my heart horribly.

    I couldn't sleep at all last night because I was worrying about her, and tonight/tomorrow night I have to work overnight at work, so I don't know how much I can be there for her the next two nights. If anyone can give me advice, or just talk to me on AIM for like 5 minutes (my SN is formated 2 fit ur tv), I'd be really appreciative. :wtc:
     
  2. Teh_Sponge

    Teh_Sponge Hey, I got a sub now...

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2004
    Messages:
    22,550
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa, Florida
    Don't think there's anything you can do. She's got to figure out what she wants to do on her own, man.
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    She's 18, so she's out of high school now, right?

    Chances are that it's time for her to grow up and move out. You weren't specific on the rules but if it was anything like what happened to me it was something like a curfew, chores, and paying relatively high rent for my bedroom when there were suites for comparable prices in the neighbourhood. That's a parent's way of saying "welcome to the real world - this is what adults do".

    There isn't much you can do except be there for her while she handles the emotional reality check. She'll be much better off for the hard lesson in the long run - trust me on this one.
     
  4. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2004
    Messages:
    14,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    =PA=
    She was held back a year when she was younger, so she'll graduate from HS at 19. The rule that seemed to bother her was she said that she wouldn't be allowed to leave the house anymore until she graduates in May. She tells me constantly that she loves me, and I think she has this big fear now that she'll never see me again if she moves home.

    I hate being stuck at home while she's at school, because I know she was still upset this morning before I took her there, and I feel like she's going to make some rash decision and we're going to lose each other :sadwavey:
     
  5. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Messages:
    16,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York Shitfaced.
    Why doesn't she just stay with you?
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    First things first.

    What are these rules that she feels are unreasonable? Give us a sampling here.
    If they are, in fact, actually cruel and unreasonable, then she should make plans to leave. She's 18 after all.

    If however, SHE (not her parents) is the troubled one, and her parents are simply quite concerned about her acting out and wild behaviour, then she really needs to do something about that.

    Course, it's her life to screw up as she wishes. I'm saying IF she wants a happy life.

    Rarely is simply leaving the house and moving in with a boyfriend going to solve any deep long-standing problems. That's just running away, and frankly, you bring your issues with you.

    YOU should be concerned too about your own health and well-being. I know she's your girlfriend and all that, and you LOOOOOVE her, but try to be objective.

    Don't you have goals and aspirations and dreams and desires of your own?
    Sure you can play the hero and shelter her from her bad ole parents.

    But let's say, for whatever reason, you break up in 3 months from now. What then? Dump her out in the street? Dump her back to her parents? What if her parents actually were crazy screwed-up? Would it be ethical then?

    Be sure that you know what you're getting into. Rarely is simply running away a good solution. It's short-term thinking at its finest. If she does stay with you, set a time limit, say 30 days. The purpose of the stay would be a temporary shelter while she figures out what she needs to do long term.

    And the ONLY situation where you should offer such shelter is if she is being physically or sexually assaulted.

    If it's simply a case of her parents being too "strict", then she ought to stay put (at her parents) and figure out what to do with her life.

    Like maybe go to school, earn a decent living, and actually move out. You know, GROW UP.
    It's painful, but it's gonna happen sooner or later.


    Does that make sense to you? There's a lot in there, so read it over twice.
     
  7. Cheshire Cat

    Cheshire Cat New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,931
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    florida
    cant leave at all like grounded or cant go and come at all hours?
     
  8. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,440
    Likes Received:
    0
    Here's a scenario that you might want to consider before letting her move in to your home. Say you let her move in, things are great for a few months and all of a sudden she is getting along with her parents. Guess who they are going to blame for the lack of communication, responsibility, judgement etc... You. What if this is the girl for you and all of a sudden you are an outcast because you enabled your girlfriend to ditch all responsibility (not saying you are doing that, just speaking like a parent would...) Imagine the strain on your relationship because of it. You can't expect your girlfriend to turn her back on the same people that gave her life can you? So where does that leave you? Watch your actions because you NEVER know when they will come back to bite you on the ass. If she wants to move out of her parents house she legally has that right, but your house isn't where she needs to go to get away from the drama, because sooner or later the shit will hit the fan and you'll be the only one without an umbrella so to speak.
     

Share This Page