Girlfriend issues.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Phishfood, Dec 18, 2008.

  1. Phishfood

    Phishfood New Member

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    Hey everyone, I am having some relationship issues knew this would be the right place to go for some assistance. I've been lurking here and all over the site on a friends account, and decided to create my own to post and enjoy OT.
    So me and my girlfriend have been dating for just about a year, she is 17 and I am 18. I have know her for many years, and from my standpoint, I would consider this a great relationship. As of recently we have been having some issues, mostly involving sex and sexual activities. She has made it clear that sex is not an option in our relationship at this point, though she has been getting more acquainted with the idea because originally she wanted to wait until marriage. I walked into this relationship knowing that sex was a very unlikely possibility, but i still can't seem to keep it from bothering me and it has recently been negatively affecting our relationship. I am not a virgin, making the issue even more difficult. We do engage in oral sex and have our fun, but even that is starting to become an issue. It seems like I am much more focused on the physical aspect of our relationship than she is, which in turn makes it difficult to agree on what happens. OT, i came here to ask a few questions about my situation.
    Firstly, how can i deal with and make this experience less painful? Also, is it wrong to be worried about sexual compatibility this early in the relationship?
    Basically i feel like she does not fulfill all of my sexual needs, and she feels like I expect to much. Please any responses would be helpful.
     
  2. prototism

    prototism Guest

    I was in your boat once. First of all, you are both very young, and you both have a lot ahead of you (moving away, college, etc). Second of all, the difference in your and her opinions is entirely normal. Third of all, her feelings of "waiting till marriage" never really went away. Basically, she put them on the back burner for you. She gave it a shot. She doesn't necessarily "regret" doing the things she did, she just can't deal with "living a lie" anymore.

    So, what you are going to have to do is put your desires on the back burner, enjoy what you have with her, with or without sexual contact. If you can not do that, you have to move on. But, putting it bluntly, it would be a douchebag thing to do to her to move on because you aren't getting any. Don't be a douchebag.

    And in all honesty, considering you both are at the age to "go away" (unless you already are "away"), it might give you a valid reason to eventually break up with her.

    Bottom line, respect her wishes, as she once did for you, or move on.
     
  3. Tedrzz

    Tedrzz New Member

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    I was also in a similar situation that you were in. I just accepted the fact that she didn't want to have sex and moved on with it, enjoyed the relationship for what it was worth.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Read this again. Read it again.

    You are incompatible. Plus, you're young. Move on.​
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    If you're not happy, why stay together? You're 18...I'm guessing this is a high school relationship, right?

    You should be worrying about relationship compatibility, but not long term. Now's the time to date and find out what you REALLY want.

    If you're not happy, end the relationship. Sex is a big deal, and you shouldn't have to wait around for her to change her mind.

    Also, see all the threads about high school relationships ending once people go off to college.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    although I used to think like that...why should one person have to sacrifice their happiness to make the other person happy? If the girl sleeps with him, she's not happy. If he waits for her, he's not happy.

    Why is she allowed to have him sacrifice, when he is not allowed to have HER sacrifice.

    It's NOT a douchebag move. We're adults, sexual compatibility is a huge thing in adult relationships.
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    By now you should have implemented the "just the tip" game. :coolugh:
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Take it from me- run now.
     
  9. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    :slap: please tell me that wasn't a serious remark
     
  10. prototism

    prototism Guest

    We are adults. They aren't. One only is legally, and only barely, and the other isn't even legally an adult. Hell, they're still very much in the :highschool: mindset.

    She did sacrifice for him at the beginning, and now its his turn to step up, and do the same for her. It is either that, or move on (which he will probably have to do soon anyway).
     
  11. Phishfood

    Phishfood New Member

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    I guess I should have provided a little more information. I am in college and I live an hour away so i we can only see each other on the weekends. I understand what everyone is saying, that we may not be compatible, but the weird thing is i only feel like this when im away at school. When we are together, the "sexual frustration" feelings seem to disappear. And prototism, i get what you are saying, she has come a long way for me, she is willing to change her mind in time so I realize i do need to expect that. She also realizes that the waiting until marriage idea was drilled into her head by her parents, and has even said that she thinks that it dumb. So I guess i just need to find new ways to deal with it, because otherwise the relationship is everything I'm looking for.
     
  12. prototism

    prototism Guest

    Its good you are seemingly willing to do what it takes to be with her. If she said no more sexual contact at all, that should be a deal breaker for anybody; sex (or rather, physical contact) IS important. But if she doesn't want actual "intercourse", respect that, and respect her.

    During the time I was in a situation similar to yours, I went on a few months after my girl stopped giving me anything. It sucked. Don't let that be you, but do come to a middle ground. And, it seems like you are both willing to compromise.

    :h5:
     
  13. Phishfood

    Phishfood New Member

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    Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for your help, I really do appreciate it. I think as long as we are both willing to compromise, like you said, then it will all work out. Hopefully it does! :coold:
     
  14. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

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    lol, definitely; OP must be a class-9 n00b
     
  15. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    My brother did this before.... and it worked....


    Have you ever even given the thought that she may just not be ready to have sex either? Not everyone is ready to go at 16. She may not be emotionally ready to deal with it, or its consequences. Yea, she may think waiting till marriage is dumb, but I don't think that's the only reason she hasn't had sex yet. I work with a girl, thats like 19 years old. And she is waiting. She still feels uncomfortable with herself and with her body, and isn't emotionally ready to have sex yet.

    So your choices are to either wait until she decides she IS ready (and don't pressure her) or to find someone else. And I bet it is quite difficult that you are in college, with people fucking everywhere around you.
     
  16. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Personally I am a gentleman and would never try to get a girl so worked up that she'll give in to temptation, but I've heard that it works. :coolugh:
     
  17. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I'm surprised that he told you. That's something you only share with other guys :mamoru:
     
  18. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Me and my brothers are like best friends, we tell each other just about everything. One of them is new to the whole sex scene, and made a girl squirt..... He called up me and the other brother to see what we felt about it, because he was quite shocked and bewildered. :mamoru:
     
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    :rofl: That's really cool that you can talk to each other like that
     
  20. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Is it just me that's imaging him making the phone call mid squirt?

    And put the pressure on (not as in forcing the issue but getting her turned on) then backing down

    2 weeks of that on basically a nightly basis worked for me :naughty:

    Not that I encourage taking a girls virginity who is waiting for marriage, but if the challenge is set :o
     

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