SRS Girlfriend Issue - What do I do? What do I think?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Dreams2Reality, Oct 2, 2007.

  1. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Okay, here's the layout.


    Me and my girlfriend started dating back in July. Her and I have just about everything in common, and everything we shared has always been perfect. When she came back from her summer tour (Job Permitted), she had to go back to Mississippi to get her "stuff" from her ex-boyfriends house. She originally went down there for a weekend but ended up staying a week.. why? She said she was still packing. That's where it all began, this was about 4 weeks ago.

    Since she's been back she claims she been "lost" and "confused". She tells me she loves me and it's me she wants, but at this stage in her life she "needs to get back on track". She's been insisting on taking a "break" which for me is understandable. But here's where it gets tricky..

    When she was visiting the Ex, he popped the question to her. He broke down and showed her a engagement ring that he was initially going to get her.. She turned it down, or so she says.

    Now, me being a relatively secure guy, I was starting to get curious as to her "distance" from me.. So, I did a little bit of investigative search. In her email address' I've found numerous signs to her signing up for Wedding things.. She emailed herself a bunch of links with gowns, bridal equipment, etc.. Then yesterday, she had a confirmation from an order of a wedding catalog..

    What do I do? What do I think? I told her I need some space so we "broke up" Sunday, but nothings changed since then.. still comes by, still kiss, still engage.. still the same.


    What the fuck do I do, OT?
     
  2. KRYST!

    KRYST! wat

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    talk to her about whether or not she is going to get married to another guy

    ffs!
     
  3. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    uhh that is really REALLY shady and i'd ask her flat-out asap. if she gives you some convoluted, bullshit response then break up with her immediately. that is unacceptable.
     
  4. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    I know this is going to sound shallow but..

    What about when she faces me with the "Why are you checking my email" question? I know she'll try and flip that shit on me, I just know it. Wtf do I sa back to that, ya know? If I have to walk away from this, I want to walk away as the "good" guy.. not the guy who couldn't trust his girlfriend and checked her email.

    How would I defend that if she flipped it on me?
     
  5. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    oh i didn't notice that part :o

    well for one thing, you checking her email is pretty insignificant if it turns out she is going to try to marry this guy, so if she does try and flip it on you, you could just say that's not the issue.

    or if you asked her flat out and she says something like "how did you find out?" you could just be like "that doesn't matter, what matters is whether you're going to stay with me or go back to that guy."
     
  6. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Yeah, that's probably the only "answer" I could give her.. but she knows theres absolutely no connection or communication between me, her ex, or any of her older friends that know him.

    It'd be rough. Thanks for the support.. Anyone else got anything? Any females got an opinion on this? I'm sure their perspective is WAY different.


    Love her to death, really do.. I just can't keep dealing with this shit.
     
  7. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i AM female :o

    just ask her about it. you could even ask more tentatively like "look that week-long trip to the ex's house still bothers me. are you still in contact with him? are we going to be together?" etc. you don't have to mention the email part.
     
  8. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    dump her
    move on
    laugh at her later when that married doesn't work out
    /thread
     
  9. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Ah, I'm sorry Kiri, I didn't know :(. My apologies.

    I know she's still in contact with em' and that's what really drives me crazy.. she's talking to him daily and hides it from me. We had just got done having sex the other day and she went in the bathroom to freshen up.. I looked in a mirror (Adjacent to the bathroom) and could see her texting. I walked in there, just to walk in, and she like closed her phone abruptly and went back to getting ready..

    When she hopped in the shower I checked her phone and her inbox/outbox was completely deleted although I know she just used it.. I feel like she's hiding something from me and I just can't take it.

    I want to just let her go, but, it's alot harder when I love the girl as much as I do.
     
  10. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    oh my god :ugh:

    1. that is reason enough to bring it up to her, even in a "you tell me what's going on or it's over" kind of way.
    2. that's reason enough just to dump her right away. you're disrespecting YOURSELF if you put up with that sort of shit. that is completely unacceptable.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Umm, you've been dating maybe two months and you're in love? No, if she was in love with you she wouldn't be confused after a week of secretly seeing her ex boyfriend. Him proposing to her means they must have a strong past that you know nothing about because it's shaken her deeply. You are much better off without her.

    The fact of the matter is you are checking her email and her phone now after dating her this short of time. She's talking to her ex in secret from you still so she is obviously NOT OVER HIM. Gain some respect for yourself! You've already lost the trust and are never going to gain it back. It's a sad state since you've barely had time together, but unfortunately time makes a huge difference in relationships. She shouldn't have gotten in a relationship with you until she was over her ex.

    PS-I'm a girl. Being a girl is not going to make the answer any different. Any logical person will tell you to move on from this because it's not going to work.
     
  12. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Just cut and run.

    No reason necessary, and to be honest, she probably won't even care. She's hung up on the ex. That's all there is to it.
     
  13. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Yeah, looking at it on paper / outside p.o.v I'm realizing how big of an idiot I am.

    I'm going to take care of the nonsense tonight after work.. Kiri, if you need hotel rooms anywhere in the world, you lemme know. I'll take care of you :). I appreciate the advice.

    Thanks ya'll..
     
  14. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    We've only been dating for a few months, but, I've known her for about 5 years now.. I've had a long history with her, it's not just some "puppy love". I've been engaged, been in long term relationships, I'm not new to the dating thing.

    My decisions made and I appreciate the input ya'll. Thanks a million.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Good luck to you, you deserve so much more than what she is giving you. Keep us updated :x:
     
  16. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    But of course!
     
  17. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    no prob :)

    good luck tonight, stay strong and remember that you deserve (and will find) someone much better :wavey:
     
  18. maskednegator

    maskednegator Kosmonaut, best we've got...

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    you've got to realize that they were banging constantly on that visit, right?
     
  19. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Thanks again ya'll. Now I remember after leaving her four years ago why I resigned up :).
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    DO NOT admit that you were checking her email.

    You know things from checking her email that you should not know, and you cannot use this knowledge when you talk to her. You have to get her to admit these things and then you can use them. Trust me, that is the only way to proceed here.

    That being said...

    When a girl wants a break, that means YOU are done with HER. I wish I had realized that a year ago. Girls want "breaks" so they can go sleep with other guys without it being "cheating."

    Besides, when you've found the right person, there is no indecisiveness. You don't ask for a break.

    She's not the right girl for you, dude.
     
  21. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Yeah, as hard as that may be to read, you're right. Once I finish talking to her tonight, it'll be the last time I speak with her.

    I been at work since 9am, get out at 5:30.. I've already sent her a text saying "We need to talk" and she's freaking out. We'll see where this goes. OT, I'll keep ya'll posted.

    Thanks dude ^^.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's so funny how those words (especially in a text) make people go nuts. I once texted that to my bf because I wanted to tell him something funny that happened to me, but I didn't want to bother him with a phone call while he was working....he came to my apartment on his lunch break panicking, thinking I was going to break up with him or something :mamoru:
     
  23. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    kick that nutcase to the fucking curb.
     
  24. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Lmao, yeah, they're pretty demanding and scary at the same time.. I'm really looking forward to see how she reacts to everything though. She's the type of girl who insists on being everyones friend, which is why I think she feels obligated to be nice to her exboyfriend.

    Excuses aside, the bitch is getting dumped.
     
  25. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Casually ask, "So, when's the wedding?" :rofl:
     

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