girlfriend hiding guy friend...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by multiplexor, Jul 22, 2008.

  1. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    instantly you're thinking it's bad... right...

    ok well here's the story...

    she started talking to this guy in like 2005 or 06... he really liked her... but she wasn't interested... he was way to nice and she wasn't used to nice guys... she was intimidated by it.. 07 comes and i start going out with her...

    she still talked to him on occasion via email... possibly by phone... who knows..

    08 comes by and we're haveing some relationship problems because i never talk to her or communicate because i was haveing issues still from my last relationship of 6 years... I was never able to speak up... so i brought that into this relationship...

    feb-march she mentions she has a crush on this guy and that it's just that she likes talking to him... i get nervous but figure ok... it happens to everyone once in a while but we usually never say it...

    finally it clicks that she might like him more than a crush and that he also had liked her at one point... so i start gettting more nervous and i ask her to please not talk to him for a few months just so it calms down...

    she agrees.... that's may 29th i believe...

    the next couple weeks pass, i see a phone call to his number... 2 minutes, nothing special...

    I see an msn chat asking how he's doing... and saying she could probably get him a ticket to africa if he really wanted (her dad is an air traffic controller)

    July 12th i see an email dating july 10th asking how he is... how he finds the place he's vacationing at...

    july 13th i see a text message from him come in saying he's arrrived at his vacation spot and it's great...

    July 14th i ask her how her OTHER friend find the vacation spot. I say OTHER friend... because she has this guy stored under another name...

    that night i email the OTHER friend and ask him how the vacation spot is... he calls her first and asks her something... she yells at me asking why i don't trust her... I "apologize" lol... and the next day ther OTHER friend emails me and tells me the vacation was great!

    THUS... her and this OTHER friend lied to me... to cover this secret...

    a couple days later she removes the number from the phone and INSTEAD stores it under another name as another persons cell...

    July 18th before coming to see me she txt's him a couple times... nothing special...

    and finally he replies to the email on the 17th, but she replies back to him yesterday...

    Yesterday i ask her straight up "are you talking to this guy still" she says NO and she'll tell me when she feels ready to talk to him again...

    He lives in toronto... we lived in montreal but she just left for toronto about 2 weeks ago for university and to work. She's helping me find a job in T.O and also planning on staying with me... but she says she needs 3 months away from me because i keep asking and talking about him when there's nothing to worry about (she doesn't know i can see/read her emails...). she wants us to both live in toronto and in 3 months after i'm more confident in myself, we can return back to living together in a nice appartment and get on with our lives...

    Now... no physical cheating is going on... but the key here that pisses me off is that she isn't mentionning him to me... I feel she's emotionally cheating on me by enjoying talking to him and she's fighting an internal battle to not like him...

    Now because of the fight last night, she created a new hotmail account called <place name here>[email protected] She's transfered all emails related to him, to that account... and is going to keep her main account "clean"

    Unfortunatly i'm much quicker than she is even though she's fast herself...

    THIS is where i'm not sure what to do...

    my good friend tells me he's had a similar experience and to just stop bringing the guy up... just work on myself and make myself a better person and she'll make the right descision... (though physical cheating warrants a breakup).

    for now, i need to ride this out because she's helping me get to toronto and helping me find work... and i still think she loves me... i think she wants to tell me, but she knows i might spaz out... and even though she no longer is interested in this person, she still wants him around because he's always been a good person...

    1) do i email this guy and ask him stuff?
    2) do i leave it alone and just monitor it and ride it out
    3) wait until i'm in T.O and finally tell her what i read... "accidentally..."
    4) ????

    I've never had these trust issues before and i just wish she would tell me she's talkking to him... her hiding it is causeing all sorts of issues....

    she doesn't know i can login to her account, so i know it's invasion of privacy on my part... but i feel that was shot out the window when my intuition was telling me something was up...

    oye!
     
  2. Savage5point0

    Savage5point0 Im an asshole.

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    Dude. Thats some fucked up shit right there. You have some serious issues you might want to get help with before you attempt any sort of relationship ever again. Reading your post is just astonishing. Why are you so insecure? Youre checking phone records, emails, text messages? Writing down times and dates? Searching through every number in her phone to see if shes talking to this guy? Youre playing some sort of sick game that has no winner. Just fucking end it. And seek therapy.
     
  3. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I think you should let her read this thread so she can see what kind of creepy guy you are and leave your ass. Seriously, you have it down to the dates and amount of time she has spent talking to this guy.... and you sound almost proud of your creepy ways "Unfortunatly i'm much quicker than she is even though she's fast herself..."

    I bet it wouldn't bother you so much if you just found something else to focus your energy towards, plus she might not feel like she has to hide a friendship if she knows she doesn't have you snooping through her shit constantly.
     
  4. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    you are a raving psychopath.

    seriously, just stop seeing her and start seeing a therapist.
     
  5. Chuck

    Chuck New Member

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    Once you start investigating and putting together timelines and charts and stuff, it's time to end things. Seriously dude, once you head down that path, the relationship is doomed.
     
  6. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i couldnt even get through your whole post

    just end it with her. dont contact the guy, its not about him, its about you and her.

    the trust is gone and she will be pissed when she sees just how much (and for how long) you have snooped
     
  7. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Another reality apparently
    she would be gone without a second thought :dunno:
     
  8. Chuck

    Chuck New Member

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    No one's disputing that the chick is really doing some wrong things here. But the snooping and detailed agenda = relationship over. It's not worth saving.
     
  9. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    What came first, the chicken (the snooping) or the egg (a justifiable reason to snoop)?

    Either way both people have 0 trust in each other and the relationship is fucked up
     
  10. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    its not too late to stop being a chump
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Dude she's hiding a guy from you. You can find better.

    Dump her.
     
  12. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    Exactly.....

    I have NEVER EVER snooped in my life because i never had a reason to...

    BUT... the minute my trust is gone or on rocky grounds... then i'm out to find out the information myself...

    like mentionned... i'm positive she'll start talking to him a bit more... then going to talk a bit, seeing him a bit more, etc... and escalating...

    I know the direction this is headed in... so for me the focus is on me right now... i'm going to TO for more money.. and see where this goes... I'm not in a hurry to find a new relationship, so that's ok...

    i know that right now, he's mentionned he's not interested in a relationship... so my guess is that she's just waiting type of thing...

    either way... i know i need to discuss this with her... just the timing is off in a sense... I'd rather be down in TO while she's there too...
     
  13. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    also.. she's hiding the guy from me because she wants to remain friends with them and doesn't want me feeling threatenned... that's her attitude towards it... i know that for almost certain...

    but there are other factors as well...
     
  14. Chuck

    Chuck New Member

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    Too many "factors" going on here. It's not this complicated when you're with the right person. And you're going to stick around for a "job" and "more money" but probably will continue to track her every movement. Seriously bro, drop her and move on. Chalk the job up to an acceptable loss.
     
  15. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    Assuming we break up... there's no worry in regards to me not keeping track of her... i wouldn't worry about that... i'm not that type of person.
    EDIT: I mean to say i WOULD NOT keep tracking her down... I wouldn't care....

    I do agree that it shouldn't be this complicated... it's VERY hard for me because she's such a good person aside from this ONE fucking flaw.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2008
  16. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    one flaw? as in not trustworthy? fuck it, it's already over imo.
     
  17. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    note that she also said that after 3 maybe even 2 months she wants to move back in with me....
     
  18. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    Dude, your relationship is over.

    The eventual demise has begun - so whether you want to accept that now, and move on with your life *or* keep dragging this inevitable breakup on when you could spend the time moving on, bettering yourself, or possibly meeting a more suitable partner is your choice.
     
  19. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    Holy shit dude, how many people is it going to take telling you to BREAK OFF THAT RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW before you get it? Your relationship is done for. Cut her loose, tell her to never talk to you again, and move on.

    (and get a therapist for god's sake, some of that shit is :ugh2:)
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You know what is amazing? I don't even have the read that entire trainwreck of a thread to come up with my answer.

    YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.

    It'd be one thing if she had some long-time guy bud who she had no feelings for and she just didn't want to make you jealous...but she likes him, has told you she likes him and then hides way too much about talking to him or seeing him behind your back.

    You on the other hand are :nuts: and a raging insecure jealous crazy. You can go on and on about how you've never snooped before but the fact of the matter is your relationship is a joke. There's no trust, no communication. She lkies someone else and you're both too pathetic to just end it with one another.

    I'm sure you won't listen to anyone though anyway and just stay with her until you find out she has been cheating on you with this guy....even then you'll probably stay with her.
     
  21. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    lol actually..... im' a very sane and simple person... I had an issue with my first relationship where something similar hapenned... though at the time i had been seeing her for only 2 weeks... I didn't snoop but she just didn't tell me... regardless it was a child relationship.. I didn't realize that it created this fucking intense complex where i hate not knowing what's going on...

    my plans are to get a job in toronto... THEN bring it up to her while i'm there... and see what can be done... she hasn't cheated on me... she's talking to another guy right now and that's it... if i can address that issue and find out what she's thinking, then i can make a proper descision...

    I won't stick it out if she keeps it up however... I want to bring this out into the open.. just the timing is bad (in a sense)...
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well she's been keeping it up for months, so....:hsugh:
     
  23. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    ^^ 2nd
     
  24. Chuck

    Chuck New Member

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    Bro, seriously... You read her emails, her text messages, investigated the contacts in her phone, and then emailed this guy pretending you were her. That's snooping. Hell, that's stalking. That's borderline criminal.
     
  25. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    lol i never emailed him... i asked if i should email him to talk to him... politely...
     

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