Girlfriend hates to bring up past, "That doesn't count..."

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by han, Nov 20, 2006.

  1. han

    han Guest

    So my GF has had 2 partners, and whenever I try to ask her about them, she ends up getting mad and says "It's in the past..." and at one point, she said to me "They don't count."

    Apparently, I do count... because she said she really only wanted to have sex with someone she loves, but she never felt it.

    Now my question, what provokes a girl to claim that her past was a mistake, and that the sex with me, with her being in love, is legit?
     
  2. Ryuhei

    Ryuhei Oh gawd

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    The past really doesn't mattter since it happened and nothing can ever change it. She didn't love those guys and she loves you. Move forward.

    Also, she is female, your version of reality and logic are much different than hers :)
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I try to never bring up past sexuaL partners, or even boyfriends for that matter with my current SO. It IS in the past, you should move on because obviously she has and that is a GOOD thing
     
  4. kiz

    kiz New Member

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    word. the sexual history can NEVER bring about good things. it's just picking a fight.
     
  5. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Bringing up the past shows you have insecurities and is not adult or mature. Keep doing it and she'll likely find a better man.

    Past is past.
     
  6. Sandoz

    Sandoz New Member

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    Look, bringing up a girl's past partners is always a mistake. That's just a fact of life.

    Even for me, and I have very little shame, it's not particularly pleasing.

    Why do you care about guys she's been with before you? Unless they're also with her now, it's none of your concern. So forget about it and enjoy being with her instead of pestering her with meaningless bullshit.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Ha ha, no because who you have been with makes an important part of who you are. If two people have barriers and don't really want to be all that close then so be it but if you want something deeper then of course past experiences are one of many things you would want to know.
     
  8. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    why would you want to know?

    what information are you digging for?

    how big their cock was? what positions they did? How hard she moaned?

    who cares? I dont give a shit about my SO's past so long as that is where it stays. If it starts creaping up into them calling her or what, then ask but if it is in the past, leave it there. If she slept around and now shes straight, good... that is where you are.

    I cant imagine wtf you think you are looking for by digging around in her past. There is no good way to tell someone that you enjoyed sleeping with someone else. Other than the fact that it is OVER.

    get over it and grow up. Girls dont talk about their past to guys and really, no one is looking. except you
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    yeah you don't have to have barriers if you guys are really close but if you're like most people then you should have barriers
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    The problem with talking about her past, I imagine, is that you are making her feel like a whore.

    Remember, a woman's reputation is VERY important. You talk about all the other guys she's fucked and you are basically saying she's a prostitute. Not a good way to make her be more attracted to you.
     
  11. VoodooChild

    VoodooChild New Member

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    She has sucked 37 dicks.
     
  12. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    I'd say the only time the past matters is when: a) one of the people she slept with had or catches something bad; or b) comes back into her/your life in some way (she starts calling them all the time, ex-husband starts stalking her, etc.). Otherwise forget about it.

    I'm just thinking that at 32 if I asked a woman I'm dating about all her ex's, it would take a whole evening. There are better ways to spend the time.


    In a row!:eek4:
     
  13. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Why do you keep asking about them?
     
  14. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    The problem is your insecurity. You must be thinking "what makes me any different from them?" I know cause I thought that way once too.

    So maybe once she felt the same way about them that she feels about you. And maybe she will break up with you someday and tell her next partner that you were a mistake. The only thing that makes you different from them is that she likes you right now.
    That's just a fact of life. You may have some control over it by not fucking up with her, but that assumes she is also a well-adjusted human being. It also assumes that you start by not dwelling on things that you do not have control over... and also not continually making her feel bad about the fact that she has had sex with guys she can no longer stand the sight of.

    How would you feel if she kept asking you what makes her different from the other girls you have slept with (assuming there are any) and giving you guilt trips about it?
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2006
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd: Knock it off. The only reason you should be interested is to get a better sense of who she is and what her life has been like.
     
  16. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Because she doesn't feel the same way now. Basically it felt right at the time, but her feelings have changed. This is the way women make decisions (what feels right) and in that sense they are much more honest than men are.
     
  17. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    I agree with that.

    I don't need to know every little detail..hell I don't want to know. But when it comes to that and even a lot of other things, I think the past is important to an extent.

    Obviously what's in the past is in the past...however that can still show a lot about a person. And I think that is very important if you are trying to have a serious relationship with someone.

    ***
    For example...lets say you want to have a deep relationship with a girl(or guy...works both ways). You then find out that she/he has been with a handful of partners...however she/he cheated on her past SO's.

    that's pretty damn important if you are trying to have a serious relationship. I personally would want to know that seeing as that is a huge deal to me and probably couldn't respect nor trust her knowing that she is willing to do such things.
     
  18. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    what ever happened to the benifit of the doubt?

    My girlfriend spewed out things from her past that I do not care in the least about. Like having cheated on boyfriends with her frist boyfriend.

    Thing is, all that happened back in high school and undergrad. Who doesnt act like a kid in those days?

    We are both older now and I laugh at some things in the past but that is what they are... in the past. I'm not in the least even keeping my eye out for any cheating because I am with the girl I am with in the present, not the one she was in the past. It is unfortunate that some dont see a difference. I am positive that many people repeat the past, but I am equally as sure that just as many learn from it, and take it as a defining moment as to the person they want to be, and not who they used to be.

    Benifit of the doubt
     
  19. owenstar

    owenstar New Member

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    Your past is who you are....I would wanna know if she was the town whore or whatever.....just tells me what kind of relationship to look forward to...

    glad I dont have to worry about this anymore...

    Good luck, and remember....chicks dont usually ask the same questions
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with almost everyone and say that the past IS important. Here's why:

    1. Unlike with stocks, when it comes to people, past performance is the best indicator of future performance. If a chick in her past has done something YOU consider shady, then it stands to reason that it's within her personality type to do it again. People do not change without reason that THEY deem worthy. If a girl used to be a complete whore, then her personality is such that she allowed herself to be a complete whore. Tread carefully if that's something that bothers you.

    2. Knowing someone's past allows you to know them. Did you gf suck 37 dicks? Do you want to be with someone who has sucked 37 dicks? It's a measure of fundamental personality compatibility. I do not want to be with someone who has sucked 37 dicks even if she's a perfect angel today.

    Note about #2... if you are going to play this card, do NOT be hypocritical about it. Holding people's pasts against them make it fair game for others to do the same to you, and you must honor their judgement. If a girl finds out something about your past that she deems nasty, even if you think nothing of it, you cannot hold it against her for using it as a catalyst for a breakup.

    That being said, your gf has been with 2 other guys. Assuming you are over 18, that's not a bad deal.
     
  21. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I can't agree with that #1 item, Falconer. I believe that people learn from their mistakes, and holding their past against them can be a mistake in judgment.

    I've cheated in the past. Does that make me a cheater? No, because I realized that I cheated out of a lack of self-respect and self-confidence and was unwilling to break up in a bad relationship. Nowadays, I'll dump a woman who mistreats me and find a new woman WITHOUT cheating.

    There are tons of similar examples. Human beings are just as unpredictable as stocks. I know lots of folks who have learned from their mistakes. I have a friend who was too casual around men, and learned her lesson when they started spreading rumors. She's changed for the better, like we all should.
     
  22. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    :werd:

    You have to concede that a LOT of people fall into the same traps that they have fallen into in the past.

    That said, many people can learn from it. Look at poco, I am pretty much in the same boat. I have made mistakes in the past, and yea, if I am asked about it I will let whoever make whatever judgements based on my past, but you cant live in the present by only looking at the past.
     
  23. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    ^ Poco and enfiniti, I definately see where you are coming from, but I will reply tomorrow because I'm leaving work now :)
     
  24. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    I've tried that benefit of the doubt thing...and you know what...it bit me on the ass. For 8 months things were fine...and it did seem like she had grown up and learned etc...blah blah blah...I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

    then she fucked up again and I got fucked over...


    so to me...yeah it is important because it really does tell a lot about a person. Not saying that they cannot learn and grow...but it still matters to an extent.
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That is not what I meant.
     

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