girlfriend has no motivation/goals.. I dont' know where relationship is heading

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by heffy, Jun 21, 2005.

  1. heffy

    heffy New Member

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    We've been dating for almost 4 months now. During this time, we've had constant fights over various things... things that she doesn't feel is important. Now, whenever she does something that pisses me off, she gets mad because I'm mad.

    She's just now a junior in college majoring in Psychology. Last night on the phone, I asked "what motivates you?" and she said she didn't know. I try to tell her why motivation is important and listed some of the things that motivates me, and she's like "look, can we just talk about something else?"

    She says that whenever I bring up something that isn't all sweet and rosy. After she said that, I said "what do you want to talk about? You want to drink bubble tea? Yeah, me too. I also want to see you. Is this what you want to talk about? If you don't like what I'm talking about, why don't you try talking about something."

    <silence>

    then after getting pissed at her, she's like "ok ok, I'll think about it."

    She's 22 right now, but she acts like a 15 year old still wanting to have "fun". I'm pretty sure she's still a virgin so it's not like she's sleeping around or anything, just that she's pretty immature when it comes to life. She's going back to her own country to talk to her dad to see what she's going to do after graduation. I tried to talk about it last night, and it's like she wouldn't listen to anything I had to say.

    Likewise in our relationship, I feel that fighting every now and then is good for the relationship, but she started crying when I said that and said if I truly believe that, she can't be with me. Whatever, we fight like every day anyway (now once a week since I'm working in a different city).

    She doesn't really put much into the relationship, runs away whenever it's rough (as in doesn't talk to me, doesn't answer phone calls, doesn't open her door when I go over), refuses to apologize first for anything even when it's her fault. I was happy with her about a month before we started dating, but now I have no idea where we're going.
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I read...

    dont need to read anymore. You typed it, you know what people are going to say...

    It sounds like it was over before it started...
     
  3. ISO9002

    ISO9002 New Member

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    Well, nothing starts easy!
    But its true that, 4 months w/ a lot of arguments, its tough! :ugh:
     
  4. Takumi

    Takumi New Member

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    There's no point in trying to motivate a girl into doing something with their life. They will think you're just trying to tell them what to do, steer them in the direction that _you_ want, etc etc.

    If she is in younger stage in life than you are, if you try to force to act/think older, you will just end up like a parent and it will ruin your relationship.

    You need to either accept it, or find another girl who's goals are in line with your own.

    By the way, many people still don't know what they want to do even after they graduate from college, there's really no point in forcing someone to figure it out, they have to do it on their own.
     
  5. swisher59

    swisher59 New Member

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    you're settling.
    she doesn't seem to be that great of a catch--and you're not in it for the sex obv.
    find someone who has some direction in her life
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    motivation comes from within. you might be able to motivate her in the short term... but if shes not doing it for herself, shell stop eventually and return to old habits.
     
  7. Tornado6

    Tornado6 When the wind set down in funnel form and pulled y

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    She's only 22. I don't think everyone has it figured out by that age. I don't think they should necessarily have to. If she is not from the States, she may not even have anything close to the same cultural expectations as we would. I don't really find this all that unusual or strange at all. :dunno:

    If you aren't happy with her, you certainly don't have to be with her. If you value motivation and goals, and you're wanting a more mature person to get into a more serious situation with, go for it. You're not going to force a change in your girlfriend - and if you do, neither one of you is going to be happy with the end result.

    Would you wear a pair of shoes that didn't fit, or would you take them back? Dating is all about finding the right fit for you.
     

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