SRS Girlfriend Goes To Tech, Lashing Out at me

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by jaywalk85, Apr 21, 2007.

  1. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    She goes to Tech. I was in Blacksburg visiting on Monday when it all broke out, but had to return to my college that afternoon. She went home to her family. We talk a lot on the phone, since it's a LDR.

    Tuesday evening and all of Wednesday, we weren't able to talk (conflicting schedules, we tried; I called her about 5 times on Wednesday). That night she IMs me telling me "going to bed. don't feel like talking. goodnight."

    I know Sara and this means she is not happy with me. I call her and she doesn't answer, I leave her a message goodnight. I finally got her to talk to me and she accuses me of not being supportive, "complete strangers have been more supportive than you." She also got mad at me for reading those plays that the psycho wrote (the ones that all the major news outlets linked to :hsugh:).

    We talk on the phone for about an hour, but she doesn't really say much. Then today she ignores me. I'm not sure how to handle this. We won't see each other again for quite some time.

    Above this, I've lived within an hour of Blacksburg my whole life and it's been hard on me too.

    We talk non-stop and I absolutely HATE when she does this. Should I just let it ride? I'm not sure what she expected me to do. Is she taking it out on me?

    Cliffs : Girlfriend student at Tech, upset, calls me unsupportive and won't talk to me.
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I'd be very surprised if she was happy with her relationship prior to this event.

    The fact of her being upset at "complete strangers" offering better so-called "support" than you, well, I just have to shake my head at that.

    So regardless of the incident at Tech, let's talk about your relationship in general.

    This isn't about how to handle her reaction to your perceived lack of support wrt the shooting. This is about how she views her relationship with you, period.

    How have things been going the past few weeks?
     
  3. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    Well here's the thing.

    We've dated for two years. I went in to visit her this weekend for a "shared" birthday visit. We had a blast, we always do. She practically begged me to stay until Monday, even though I would miss class. I did and we were both glad I did. Things were great up until the last time we spoke on Tuesday.
     
  4. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    Should I have posted this in the Vag?
     
  5. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    no its good here.
     
  6. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    My gut reaction says "See, perfect example of why a vast majority of LDRs don't work."

    But at the same time, I also think that generally speaking, situations like this bring out the best and/or worst in people. This may just be how she copes with grief and/or whatever else she's feeling -- I'd say give her time to come around; if she doesn't do that, then re-evaluate the relationship altogether as that could be a sign that she's not really THAT into trying hard to keep things going.
     
  7. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Me?

    I'd take some time off whatever you're doing and drive your ass down there and support her.

    Seriously. She's going to push, and hard, and you have to stand up straight, be calm, and let her take it out on you. After she gets over being "mad at you", the real issues will come out and you can comfort her.

    And remember, don't try to FIX anything! Just listen, offer sympathy, look for insight, and be a friend. Let her get it all out.
     
  8. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    ^^best post of the day right here

    she needs you right now.
     
  9. Matt550

    Matt550 New Member

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    :werd:
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Personally, unless there were exams or I'd be missing something which would seriously impact my grade, I'd be there with her right now
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Well, for me to give anything conclusive, i was wondering has she been lashing out to you before or after the incident? This because the shooting incident has a tremendous emotional impact on the surroundings, i can't validate on how this has or has not affected her, without knowing on wether this was a long term thing or that she reacted like this only after the incident.
     
  12. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    Patience. Patience. Patience. The girl has just undergone some pretty heavy stuff, that's bound to impact every facet of her life. Imagine haveing somthing terrible happening one day that turned your world upside down, made you come face-to-face with your own mortality and,
    things you knew were safe, solid and secure vanished. One would probably be confused, try on different modes of thinking, discard so very many things and go through some major head changes. It's a very emotional-packed time. LDRs are at best, fraught with some kind of angst at the best of times and this certainly is not the best of times. Personally, if I had been part of the whole scenario, I would have wanted my beloved with me, just to be with me, regardless of where he was.
    If the situation was reversed, I would have made every effort to be there with them and try to understand that something really BAD has happened and there is bound to be some negative feedback, only because when some people go through a traumatic experience, a really bad one, anchors are upheaved, and one becomes adrift for awhile. Perhaps her lashing out at you is her way of dealing with this terrible event. IDK. IDK what your relationship was like. Another thought is that she is being closer with her schoolmates because such an event like this tends to bond people together and, since her schoolmates have experienced what she experienced, she finds understanding.

    Bottom line: Realize that your g/f's entire LIFE and MINDSET has changed and be aware that she will never be the same again. Go to her. Be there for her. Hug her close. Listen to her. Just listen. Her lashing out and being mean could very well mean she's really upset, but not at you, at the events which have unfolded.
    All of this was written based on the assumption that prior to the incident you two were as happy as two peas in a pod and your relationship was solid.
    If it wasn't, well then, I am afraid that perhaps because of your g/fs examination of her philosophies, she feels perhaps, that are not the person for her.

    We'll see how the events unfold, but do make every effort possible to do some face time with her. However, this is NOT the time to pressure her.
     
  13. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    Alright, I've been busy.

    I'm just too busy to make the trip across the state and see her, I've got 3 tests this week and a paper due on Friday that I've only just begun research on. My visiting her last week pretty much doomed me for this weekend.

    Yesterday evening, I decided to send her pictures of me cooking some dinner (humorous, to make her laugh). She called me last night after she left her grandparents, talking to me as if nothing ever happened and everything is ok. Then, after I said goodnight and went to sleep, she texted me thanking me for making her laugh.

    This morning, I wake up and she is still talking to me as if nothing ever happened. What do you guys make of this? I'm leaning towards stress causing her to lash out at me.
     
  14. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    If I could change one thing about her, I'd get her to communicate with me better, but she hates to talk about important things and prefers to write them down.
     
  15. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Patience baby, patience. Everyone deals with trama differently. Sounds like you're doing a good job so far- let her talk when she's ready and be there to listen- or, since she likes to write, maybe suggest she starts writing her feelings down and tell her if she'd like to share that with you, you'd be willing to read it and support her.
     
  16. BeHeadR

    BeHeadR Only Slightly Insane

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    Again, this is why you don't take advice from internet people in the Assylum.

    First of all, its a LDR, so its destined for failure already, you are wasting your time.

    Secondly, its immediately clear that she is selfish and narcissistic, she is only thinking about herself, and not you. By your own admission you have lived in the area as well, so its hard on you as well, yet she doesn't even consider your feelings - not even for one second..its all about her.

    How often does she skip a day of school for you? Don't be a chump and skip days of school for a girl that treats you like crap, is selfish, and who you won't be with in the future anyway since its a LDR. Your education is vastly more important than this little girl. There will be another one along soon, and this one isn't worth sacrificing YOUR future for.

    You are young and inexperienced so you think its a big deal, 2 years is a big deal at your age, but when you are older you will regret this more than anything else in your life. This is the time when you focus on your studies, and set a groundwork for the rest of your life. You experience a wide array of women so you can find out what you like and seek that out in the future.

    You need to change your outlook immediately and get some self-esteem, don't be a freaking doormat - just the fact that she pulled the typical "I don't want to talk tonight, goodnight" trick on you tells us everything we need to know. You then went on to be a chump with no self respect and apologised to her....what are you apologising for? Her being a selfish bitch? Her not even ONCE considering what your feelings might be?

    Dude...get some self respect.
     
  17. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    I like the criticism, I'm always looking to improve myself.

    She's pulled that "I don't want to talk" stuff before. What am I supposed to do in that situation? I'll admit, I do tend to be the doormat when that sort of thing happens.

    I really care what she thinks, how do I get in the frame of mind that I didn't do anything wrong? Because I definately didn't, I know it's my desire for her (positive) attention that makes me suck up.
     
  18. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    Oh, and like I said in a previous post, everything has been great, we're coming off a wonderful weekend together.
     
  19. xotox

    xotox xotox

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    First of all, my opinion is that being college-aged and in a relationship is a no-no. Second, being in college and being in a relationship is a no-no. Third, very, very few long-distance relationships last. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Sure, until the next person comes along.

    I second BeHeadR's post. While surely the events of Monday were tragic and down-right frightful, I don't think her current actions are due to them. And as you said, she's tried that "I don't want to talk" routine before.

    You're still young. Don't cheat yourself out of potentially meeting and dating other women. "Plenty of other fish in the sea," "Another bus will be along in 5 minutes," and all that.

    You're not a doormat. Don't stick with this chick so long that you start believing you are, because when the relationship ends you'll be wanting another chick that will treat you like one... Because that's what you're used to.

    How do you get in the frame of mind that you didn't do anything wrong? That's amazingly simple: Get in your mind that you did nothing wrong. Except keeping the LDR. And by somehow allowing yourself to by pussy-whipped by a woman from whom you're not around enough to even get regular sex.

    How can you truely be "supportive" of her if you're not there, and to see her is a long drive? How can you conduct your life if you're expected to be there with her? How can she feel "supported" if you're not there? And when you tried to talk with her and be supportive, she wouldn't take your calls. Then she tells you you're not being supportive. See where that's going? It's like a circle, and it ain't the Wheel of Fortune. That's not healthy, man.

    And don't ever apologize for something you didn't do. EVER. To anyone. Ever.
     
  20. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I think it's a good thing when she does that. It means she is in a bad mood and doesn't want to take it out on you. It's much better to have her just not feel like talking for a night than to talk to her and have her start bitching at you for no reason. She recognizes that she would not be good to talk to right then and she just wants to be alone. You don't need to do anything. Respect that she doesn't want to talk and don't let it ruin your night. She may either just be having a bad day and not want to talk or if she is mad at you, she'd rather sort out her feelings before speaking to you about it.

    I also think it's a good sign that she is trying to act like everything is normal. It's not good to sit around feeling depressed 24/7 after something like this happens. You've gotta try to get back to normal and move on with your life. I'm sure there will be times when she wants to talk about it but if she wants to pretend like nothing happened for a little while then that's ok. Just be there for her if she wants to talk about it and also be there for her when she wants to act like nothing happened.
     

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