FRK girl wants me to be her dom... zomg?!

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by buddha724, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. buddha724

    buddha724 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,367
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    VA, Hampton Roads
    so last night this girl that i've been talking to for about a month tells me something that i'm not entirely sure how to respond to...

    after hanging out with a group of my friends at my place her and i make our way to my bedroom. i had no expectations going into the situation but if i did they certainly would have been exceeded.

    we're making out, i'm pulling her hair a little bit, slammed her up against the wall (not hard, but you know... heat of the moment type stuff), biting a wee bit, etc. she stops me and has this shy, almost embarrassed, look on her face and says quite hesitantly "i probably shouldn't tell you this... i can't believe i'm gonna tell you this... but i'm a well-trained sub. you can do whatever you want to me."

    mental fireworks ensued.

    anyway... i'm a bit aggressive when it comes to the physical side of relationships, but i've never gone to the dom/sub level. i don't feel any desire to spit on her and call her names or anything like that (pardon me if that seems ignorant... i have little idea of how the dom/sub thing works and i know that's not what it's all about), but i can see the potential for some fun here. i'm not gonna lie... i'm a bit intimidated by the prospect of getting into this sort of relationship.

    i've already told her about my lack of experience with this and i'm sure she picked up on my apprehension but she was very understanding. she assured me that we could do as much or as little as i want, but you know how that goes... i'm sure she'll get bored if i don't follow up on this. buuuuuut... i have been wanting to use that under bed restraint system i bought to use with an ex but never had the chance :p

    any advice as far as how to ease into this or just some general pointers/wisdom from the dom/sub people on here?
     
  2. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2006
    Messages:
    1,527
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    READ UP on Dom stuff. I'd suggest checking out fetlife as a good resource. Also try to find your local kink community and attend a munch so you can talk to other experienced Doms and get advice from them. If you're really wanting to become a Dom it would be best to get a mentor who can teach you everything.
     
  3. Soybomb

    Soybomb New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    9,041
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    This stuff means different things to everyone. Talk to her about what she's done, likes, doesn't like, won't do, what you want to do, etc.
     
  4. buddha724

    buddha724 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,367
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    VA, Hampton Roads
    we started talking about it a little bit. i basically let her know that i've never done this and that i don't even know what i will and won't do... looks like it's time for some learning experiences.
     
  5. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2002
    Messages:
    9,330
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SoCal
    Ask her what she wants out of this. Not everybody wants to be spit on and called names. What she wants and enjoys will be personal to her. You need to find out if what she is into interests you.

    As long as the two of you are willing to communicate you shouldbe fine. Have fun :bigthumb:
     
  6. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    as has been pointed out, start out slow. She may be a well trained sub, but each sub is different. I might suggest telling her (that is right, tell her) to fill out a bdsm checklist. Lovely has a good one and I am sure she can post a link to it here for you. This will let you know what her experiences are as well as what sort of stuff she is interested in trying. From there, you can start looking up the various things that she checks off and learn more about them.

    It seems that you do not have the typical preconceived notion that being a dom means being an ass who is controlling and rough. That may not be the sort of Dom that she wants (and those types of Dom's tend to get a very bad name and you really do not want that). Some subs like being treated like a doormat while (most) others require respect and proper treatment. The key is to find out what type she is first.

    A member here posted a while ago that a key to their D/s relationship is ensuring that the sub remains healthy. Meaning the Dom ensures that the sub eats fruit and works out, etc. Being Dominant is not only about sex. For many it is a lifestyle. I guess that is another thing you need to figure out. Is she wanting a sexual Dom or is she wanting a Dom relationship.

    Another person I know wrote this to describe their submissive behaviour

    I'm submissive, as the title suggests, yet I have no time for those who read such submission as a lack of strength. For me, the central element of power exchange is the conscious decision to submit - to offer to another control over the power that resides within oneself. This to me would be meaningless if I did not possess any strength or power to offer. I have no time for those tops who seek weak submissives, as this to me appears only as evidence of a lack of belief in their own abilities. With the right person (or people), however, I find great pleasure in offering myself and all that I am in service.


    I guess the key is, remember that being a good Dom for someone is a well-rounded Dom (in most cases). I would not be worried about 'boring' her, but rather ensuring that you treat her with respect and honour as that will make her stay and also result in a better relationship for the two of you.

    Enjoy and good luck!
     
  7. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
  8. razi

    razi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well you're asking questions so you're off to a good start. The whole key to it is self-confidence. Don't be afraid to make decisions. I'd suggest avoiding things like "what do you like?" in favor of "we're going to explore THIS tonight." Take control. Have fun.

    As Bubba said, it's not always just bedroom stuff. Order for her at a restaurant, for example.
     
  9. buddha724

    buddha724 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,367
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    VA, Hampton Roads
    thanks for the links. i read them... good stuff. her and i have been talking about this quite a bit and feeling each other out. i'm falling into the role more and more. it's only been a week since i brought this up, but it feels pretty natural and comfortable so far. it's just asserting the stereotypical "man" role and taking it to the next level and beyond... at least that's how it feels up to this point.

    we haven't done anything too crazy yet since the relationship is still fresh, but i want to try some of the things i read in those links.

    p.s. my friends actually like this girl, which is a big deal... they've hated all of my most recent gf's/flings (with good reason of course), but this one seems to be fitting in.
     
  10. 3Bar

    3Bar Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2004
    Messages:
    40,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    :eek3: god damn, sounds like a keeper.
     
  11. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    Thanks for giving us an update. It is rare that people keep everyone posted :(.....make sure to let everyone here know how it goes. Good luck
     
  12. Grover

    Grover Guest

    SKULL FUCK HER
     
  13. 64bitsofhell

    64bitsofhell New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2009
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    go for it!
     
  14. buddha724

    buddha724 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,367
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    VA, Hampton Roads
    well so far she's turning out to be a keeper.

    not directly related to the dom/sub thing... i was in a wicked bike accident 2 sundays ago. my right clavicle is in 3 pieces, 2 cracked ribs, and a sprained ankle. she's really been taking caring of me. she's been spending a lot of nights at my place just to help me get ready for work in the mornings... not that we don't do other things while she's here at night ;-) but you know...

    this girl rocks! now that i've jinxed it you guys can start waiting for the break up thread in the vaginarium :p
     
  15. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    4,945
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Frozen Bowels of HELL
    Congrats.... Get well soon so you can try more freaky!
     
  16. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    I love when people keep us updated :)

    Glad to hear it is going so well. Hope you get better soon.

    Naw, no thread coming. Just keep positive!
     
  17. razi

    razi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    0
    glad she's so ready to take care of you when you need her.

    now see, you talked about jinxing it, so therefore you jinxed the jinxing.
     
  18. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    haha, there you go. Jinxed the jinx. Nicely done.
     
  19. razi

    razi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    0
    nice how that works, isn't it. :)
     
  20. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    totally. Gotta remain positive. And if need be, twist it so it is positive.
     
  21. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    39,145
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dirty Canada
    If that's all you got from a "wicked" bike wreck, i'd say you came out pretty clean... patch up so you can take care of her the way she's taken care of you. :hsugh:
     
  22. buddha724

    buddha724 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,367
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    VA, Hampton Roads
    bike = bicycle, not motorcycle (i assume that's what you assumed since that what everybody thinks when i tell them i was in a bike accident)... not what i expected when i went out for a nice sunday bike ride. who breaks that much shit from falling off a bike? this guy.
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2009
  23. affende

    affende Resident 4X4 Elitest Prick

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2005
    Messages:
    6,948
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in your balloon knot


    :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl:

    PWN3D


    but on a positive note ... congrats on the relationship. keep at it!
     
  24. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    39,145
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dirty Canada
    ah... ok... how the hell did you get that fucked up falling off a bicycle? :bowrofl: ah y'poor bastard... least the girl's takin' care of you.
     
  25. buddha724

    buddha724 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,367
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    VA, Hampton Roads
    i had a little help from a car that i had to swerve to avoid. i've got a 12 speed track bike and i was cruising along at about 20mph and slowed a bit before getting launched. i twisted onto my side because i figured i'd break a wrist if i tried to catch myself by sticking my hands out in front of me. i landed on the back of my right shoulder with enough force to pick up all those breaks.

    oh well... what can ya do? at least my bike didn't get too banged up. i haven't looked at it too much but i think all i need is a new front wheel. obviously i can't go to the gym either... damn.

    at least the gf is sexing me up to ease my pain ;)
     

Share This Page