Girl problem....please read:(

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by pantysniff, Sep 22, 2005.

  1. pantysniff

    pantysniff New Member

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    So......I met this girl at my new job at Outback Steakhouse (resteraunt for those few who may not know). She's 20 and I'm 25 (have to throw that in there). And it wasn't the typical meet a girl, get to know her type of thing. It was different from when I first saw her....dare I say it...love at first sight. So the first three weeks were absolutley blissful. We tried to, but neither of us could hold back...with regards to saying that we loved each other. We'd write each other all the time thru e-mail, I'd come over to her place at any chance I got, and we called each other all the time......it was awesome!!!!!

    She has told me that she wants to be with me long term, that she connected with me sexually like nobody she has ever met before, loves being with me, ect.....nothing but good stuff.

    She is a very independant girl and likes her own space and I knew that going in, but this last week or so, I have done nothing different from the first three and now she says I'm too "clingy". I mean she tells me all these things leading me to believe that there is nothing wrong, but then she complains to friends that I'M being annoying. She hardly ever answers her phone any more, hasn't replied to the last couple of e-mails, kinda been odd at work....civil......but different (ya know...).

    Anyways.....what should I do? Should I give her some space...not call her....not write her? Or am I deserved of an answer as to why she's acting the way she is.....

    Oh...and one more thing.....when I got into this and made that jump to drop the infamous "L" word, I made sure beforehand that she wanted longterm. She isn't about dating so to speak...as in seeing random people. That and she has always told me that communication is importnant to her.....so why is she pulling this??

    Any help all?

    -Bill(deathly afraid of being heartbroken)
     
  2. KUfiredancer

    KUfiredancer Rock Chalk Jayhawk

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    dating a girl you work with is a bad idea.
     
  3. AlexC927

    AlexC927 New Member

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    great answer KUfiredancer :rolleyes: although i must agree...


    It appears to be a clear cut case of a guy getting all hung up and giving a girl too much attention. In most cases, the girl gets sick of the overbearing overattentive guy and leaves him.

    And the the guy complains all heart broken and ish..."I don't understand I treated her so well and gave her so much attention unlike anything I have ever done for any woman and then she leaves me! why?! why god damn it why?!?!"

    Don't let this happen to you.

    You MUST give her her space.

    Do not pester her with annoying questions demanding explanations or anything like that.

    Even though you don't want to do this and it will go against everything you feel for this girl STOP doting on her the way you are doing now.

    This will be hard to do but you need to treat her a bit more casually.
    You may want to call her several times a day and discuss your feelings and all that but don't do it!!! Not if you want to keep her.

    It's fucked up but some women (not all women) are like this. She's not doing this to you on purpose. There's just some strange mechanism in her brain that is slowly turning her off because of your overbearing oversensitive overattentive behavior.

    Some women thrive on this and love it but your woman is one of those that do not.

    So if you wanna keep her...back off.
    Show less attention while still letting her know you love her.
    Act more casual around her and less serious.

    Call her far less than you do now...try only once a day for a while.

    LET HER CALL YOU!

    Typical case of a woman who gets too much from the guy and so she slowly becomes disinterested.

    Unfortunately Bill...with this girl you're gonna have to play that game.

    if this is not for you...thenbreak up with her.

    Of course if you do that her type will just end up wanting you more...and then you'll take her back and show your love and just like that.....she'll leave you.
     
  4. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Never ever dip your pen in the company ink well.

    Face it, the "honeymoon" is over. If she is independant and you two were constantly talking, then it gets to be too much, and yuo seem clingy after the novelty wears off.

    This is coming from an independant guy who has gone through the same, so I can empathise with her.
     
  5. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    Give her some space, and let her come to you. If you don't feel that you can do this maybe you are too clingy :)

    And now you have me craving steak, thank you
     
  6. [HRT]Squirrel Master

    [HRT]Squirrel Master New Member

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    why hello thar :naughty:

    no but seriously..... she is right... She might be playing those stupid ass games girls like to play at the begining. Just be yourself and look around... chances are the minute she sees you with someone else or someone else flirting with you.... she comes-a-runnin!
     
  7. Dragknee66

    Dragknee66 OT Law Enforcement Crew

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    I agree... I learned the hard way.. DO NOT DIP INTO THE WORK POOL.
    IB I told you so.

    We warned ya.
     
  8. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    Dude she said I love you after 3 weeks? Homegirl is wack!! Run far far away!
     
  9. pantysniff

    pantysniff New Member

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    Well.....we both said "I love you", her being the first...which meant alot to me because I felt that way, but didn't want o initiate it....make snese...lol? I never in a million years thought I believed in love at first site, but here I am smitten .....and happy as hell.

    I appreciate the advice AlexC927.....you hit pretty much about everything right on the head. And now I realize that indeed I might have been a bit too "clingy" per say. The last thing I want to do is lose her after such an unbelievable start. I planned on not calling as much and whatnot from now on and see where that gets me.

    I also talked to her this morning and also found out there is alot going on her life right now.....of which I won't dispose to you folks, but that helps me in understanding as to why she was acting the way she was. It wasn't just me....not really about me at all....I just wasn't helping the cause.

    And for the "don't dip your pen in the companies' ink" folks.....I normally wouldn't, but you cannot deny love....and we honestly only work like *maybe two nights a week together.

    I'll let ya know how it pans out...
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2005
  10. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    Jesus christ people, it's a job at a restaurant.

    Turnover at these places is incredible.

    Do whatever you want, we're not talking about a career job here. If it goes south and work sucks, go get a job at Chilis or something.
     
  11. Dits

    Dits Remember what the doormouse said: Feed your head

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    Work relationships go south way too quick, get a new job or new girl
     
  12. tehexile

    tehexile New Member

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    "dont shit where you sleep"
     
  13. pantysniff

    pantysniff New Member

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    I think some are misunderstanding.....I'm not worried about her or I....losing our jobs. My question was with regards to our relationship.....sheeesh. There has been a bit of drama at work concerning us, but it's mostly to do with some of the jealous high sachool girls that work there......besides.....we have told each other that neither on of us care what other folks have to say about us....lol
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2005
  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Contacting a woman is like playing tennis - you call her once (hit the ball over the net) and wait for her to return it back. If you call more than once, or leave long messages, or any of that crap, you appear desperate and stalkerish.

    Solution: Call her once, if she does not answer leave this message: This is me, call me back. Hang up. Wait for her to call.

    With women, actions speak louder than words. If she is not calling you, it's probably because she is losing interest. Women lose interest when men chase them, fawn over them, over-compliment them, buy them everything they want. Don't act like a child, act like an adult - a father figure. Strong, not waiting on her to call, etc.

    Go out with some friends, ignore her, let her come around to you. You don't have to be mean, but you do have to let her know you can live without her.
     
  15. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    :werd: x 10 and yes you should stop calling her and emailing her, play hard to get and she'll come running.
     
  16. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

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    its dont shit where you eat.
     
  17. Banshee

    Banshee New Member

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    I agree with this.

    Also, you say that before telling her ya loved her, you made sure that she wanted it to be longterm. How can one know that after only 3 weeks?

    Truth hurts sometimes, but in this case, it seems like her heart isnt in it....maybe she had a change of heart.

    Sit her down and lay it all out on the table, face to face.
     
  18. ronmex7

    ronmex7 New Member

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    1. Dating at work is a bad idea in general. Don't make it a habit.
    2. At the age of 20, people say a lot of things that they don't mean because they're 20 and haven't had much life experience yet.
    3. Sounds like she's already made up her mind about you. Take it for what it's worth.
    4. That is all.
     
  19. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    You said she's very independant, and now she's calling you clingy. It isn't hard to see that she wants some space, just back off for a while.
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    She's losing interest in you. Girls who are interested in you don't duck your phone calls. In fact, they will often call you first.

    She's probably trying to avoid breaking up with you and is hoping you will do it for her.

    If you want her back:
    Break contact with her and start dating other girls. Make sure she knows you are seeing other people.

    If you find it impossible to do this, then you are most likely being too "needy" with her which is causing her to lose her attraction for you. You like her, but you shouldn't need her.
     
  21. pantysniff

    pantysniff New Member

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    All replies are understood, but I still find it very hard to understand how people can go from one complete extreme to the next. It actually isn't all that bad though....I talked to her a bit on Sat while at work with her and she agreed that we would talk soon enough. I'm gonna back off for the time being and wait until she is ready to have said talk....maybe then I'll get a clearer picture of what she wants.

    And understanding she is only 20, but she was hurt bad (emotionally) in her last relationship I think causing her to not give her heart away so quickly. And also....she doesn't seem to be the typical "I don't know what I want in life" girl. She has a very good head on her shoulders and is a very strongwilled person (why I like her so much).....She has alot of other stuff going on in her life right now that I know is stressful for her to deal with and is affecting how she feels about certain things.

    I guess time....is realy the only answer to this one....
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2005
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    People who can snap on strong emotions can probably snap them off. :dunno:
     
  23. page

    page New Member

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    Good luck :)

    Like the others have said- give her some space. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't. But you don't know until it happens :)
     
  24. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    In that case ur both crazy enough for each other. Love in 3 weeks??:rofl:
     
  25. Chicago

    Chicago Unleash The Dragon - Sexy Rexy For President

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    i know how you feel, i been there to. i had the love-at-first sight thing.. went out w/ her for a month and then she broke up w/ me because i was a little to overbearign for her. but a year later we got back together again and we've been together since then .. which is a little over 3 and a half years now... =) so there's always hope
     

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