SRS girl meets boy

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kimtastical, Dec 14, 2006.

  1. Kimtastical

    Kimtastical New Member

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    Im Kimmie, 19, and I live in Seattle.
    This post may get long so buckle your seatbelts.
    Heres a little back story:
    5 years ago, boy meets girl on camping trip
    fast forward 4 years and girl and boy only talk online due to distance but VERY often.
    Girl and Boy loose contact when girl turns 17(I lost my phone and got it shut off, also ran away from parentals at this age)

    For the sake of non-confusion, well call boy FRED.
    So when my life went to shambles, I called FRED.
    He told me that not two weeks ago, his girlfriend had passed away.
    Fred invited me to come live with him here in Seattle.
    things got intimate and we started having sex (not pity sex, sex for the mutual love of each other and the desire to be closer)

    Again, fast forward a month or two. Where things (of course) get complicated.
    He starts ignoring me, not showing any affection other then sex. I tell him i feel used and alone. He tells me he doesn’t know what he wants, which i understand. It had only been 3 or 4 months since her death.
    Then after dragging me on for quite sometime, letting me daydream about a relationship, he uses the word NEVER. That we were two different people and could NEVER be together. Tells me to 'find a good guy'

    If this all comes off as selfish, sorry, its not meant to.

    So about a month ago, I meet BOB(not real name) BOB is FRED's friend. I go back home for two weeks. BOB and I talk on MSN and over the phone. We develop a interest in each other hoping to start a relationship sometime.

    I get back to Seattle, and now FRED missed me, is much more loving, more affectionate, and WANTS me around. Tells me he still loves me and that it would hurt him very much if I went out with BOB.
    We continue our friendship, sex included.

    It then comes time for me to move out on my own. I choose to ask BOB if he would like to be my roommate as FRED has other plans to move with other people. BOB says yes, we move into an apartment. BOB gets weird and attitude-d because I hang out with FRED too much.

    Here I am NOW. Still 'with' FREd, Living with BOB. And to sum it up, heres the chat log that prompted me to post this thread.

    ME: just, frustrated. just thinking. I’m bothered by BOB’s whole attitude. I’m not really upset at the way BOB is acting,but he made a point last night.
    FRED: which was?
    ME: 'its always an excuse to stay at FREDs, to hang out with FRED and..' blah blah, but i dont think its an EXCUSE
    ME: but I know BOB wants a relationship. And im not so sure I want one with HIM
    FRED: I see. I feel for the guy . I really do. But I dunno. I don't think what we're doing is wrong, but I can see how it sucks for him
    ME: true, but i dont want to give up what we have just to see how things would go with BOB.
    FRED: My hesitation is and has always been what is best for us in the end. I've always appreciated your company and I love bein around you.
    ME: yeah, i fear that if we stop and I go out with BOB, we wont ever have a chance to get back together
    FRED: And I love you, maybe, even hopefully at some point me and you can have a go. I think we both need to grow a bit first if thats going to happen. and I dont know what my timeline looks like. I don't want you to wait for me, but I'd be sad to see you with someone else- somethign I would eventually get over.
    ME: but then the chances would be VERY slim of a 'you and me'
    ME: i dont know and you sure dont know how long it would take for things to be stable between us and actually go out, be together, for real.
    ME: but i DONT want to see another month like the one before i left for idaho to get the money. You ignored me, and stopped showing emotion and affection(which i understood to a point) but i just dont want to go through that again if i choose to 'wait'
    ME: and as far as waiting goes
    ME: id wait forever
    FRED: I agree. And I understand where your coming from completely kiddo.
    FRED: It hurts me to hear that you'd wait forever because it might be a never type of thing, I just dont know.
    FRED: I care for you too much, I wouldnt want to enter into something unless it could be perfect.

    [FONT=&quot]FRED: I know you hate the maybe and the word 'never'. I love you kid, I think at some point we could be in a great relationship too, but I know we both need to grow before we could make a good run for the ultimate happiness, yanno?
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Side notes that you may want to know:[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]FRED is 20[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]BOB is 21[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]I am 19.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]and note that I have NOT had sex with BOB.


    [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Bob just came home as I was posting this, said 'hi' and went straight to bed.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]
    [/FONT]
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    What's the point of this thread? Are you asking for advice on something?
     
  3. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    i don't mean this to sound insensitive and i'm not making any judgements but maybe you should hold off on sex, cause it can really complicate things
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    You're Fred's rebound; furthermore, he thinks of you as something less than him. He calls you 'kid' and 'kiddo', and he's only a year older that you! :eek4::ugh:

    Go have a fling with Bob if you like. Don't commit to anything until you're in your mid-twenties and have cut your teeth on a few more guys.
     
  5. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    I always wonder why people who knew each other from high school or some camping trip from childhood develop a relationship that drags into their 20's and 99% they all fall apart at one point or another...

    I just never had that happen to me and I'm glad I didn't have to live through the drama and emotions that were not going to better your life but just to complicte things.

    At 21 I think I am very different person that I was just 2 or 3 years ago.

    Good luck on whatever you decide.
     
  6. kazzman

    kazzman New Member

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    I would at least stop the sexual relationship with Fred. He only views you as a freind he is getting sex from. He calls you kiddo?! Try being just friends with either Fred or Bob or both, then make your decision.
     
  7. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    Now where have I heard these before :mamoru:


    But seriously. Take this advice, it looks like one of the best things you can do. Drama ftl, cut yourself free. The minute you mentioned that FRED's SO died and then you moved in with him, alarm bells went off in my head.
     
  8. Kimtastical

    Kimtastical New Member

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    Well, Update:

    Fred and I talked last night and decieded it would be better if we just went back to friends. I told him that *I* cant fill that hole in his heart and maybe someone can, but i dont want to wait for it to be possible, when it could just be never. I hate that word: never. BAH.

    Bob and I didnt see eachother or speak to eachother all weekend...
    So now, that Bob doesnt want to be with me and Fred and I came to our conclusion, well. I just dont know what to do.

    Im sad and alone and I guess its for the better.

    and by the way, 'Kiddo' isnt disrespectful in anyway, I dont even need to talk to him about this, Its an endearing term that he uses because hes helped me through so mant shitty situations and how i can act a little imature sometimes.:sadwavey:
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So he's your dad? You deserve to be in a relationship where you are viewed/treated as an equal, not a little girl.

    I'm not saying he can't have a nickname for you, but "kiddo" isn't a good one.

    Hell, I've caught myself referring to younger girls that way...I've realized it's from working at a youth shelter and working around adolescents and kids. I somtimes tend to treat anyone younger than me like a child.

    I'm working on changing this attitude...sure, it seems harmless, but it isn't. If I treat someone only a few years younger than me like a kid, it's disrespectful. If we were to ever have a serious conflict, I'd probably feel the need to take control and might not acknowledge her side of things.

    It's very easy to dismiss these nicknames...

    I'll give an example. For awhile, I was seeing a girl (younger than me, BTW) who referred to me as "her little geek". At the time, I thought nothing of it...looking back, I can see just how much of a slap in the face it was. It showed that the girl didn't view me as an equal in the relationship...she thought she was above me and that I was her possession.

    These little things can mean a lot. See what I mean?
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2006

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