Girl left me, horribly depressed.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by KiddX, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    I was with her for about 9 months. 4 months ago we moved in with eachother and thats when things changed. we moves in with eachother way too fast. she said she felt like we were married. the reason she ended it was because "i treated her so well and she was so critical of me". she felt like she was using me and i was too god for her. in reality, i know she loves me, and is in love with me just as much as i am in love with her. the problem is that she has so many defenses up, so many emotional walls. literally every married couple in her family is divorced and they were all ugly divorces. i think that she sabotaged our relationship in fear that if we ever did end up together, it would end with divorce.

    we talked about marriage a few times, and neither of us wanted it anytime soon. she told me once that she would marry me. i have seen her without her defenses up, when she is herself, and i fell in love with that person. it just seems like she wants to much not to be hurt that she gave up on a really good thing before she ever gave it a chance.

    so here i am, depressed out of my mind and crying all the time. it has been a week and i cant stop. my friends and family tell me to "move on" "let her go" "there is someone better out there for you". I sit here and think "i dont want anyone else". everything feels so unfinished. i know i should give her time and if we are meant to be together, we will be. but everything in me wants to get out of this chair, go to her and tell her everything that i am feeling, and kiss her. i feel so strongly that is isnt over between us, and that i am really meant to love this woman for the rest of my life. i really dont know if anything will come from this post but it makes me feel a bit better typing out my feelings. hopefully i can get some good advice as to what will make me feel better. guy friends/family all say "go get laid" girls all say "you need time to yourself". but really, all i want is her. she makes me a better person just by being in my life, and i want to be a man that deserves her. she makes me want to be a better man /nicholson.
     
  2. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well it's pretty apparent that you just moved far too fast. Moving in at 5 months? You've got to be kidding me man. No wonder she felt suffocated so early one. I hate to say it but pretty much I'm sure this one is over. The best way to move on is to do whatever you feel comfortable with. You definitely don't sound like the kind of guy who wants to go bang random girls to get over her. You do need time to be single and reassess yourself and how you handle relationships so that this doesn't ever happen again. Keep friends and family around you to get through it and most importantly do not contact her or talk to her.

    Live and learn from this.
     
  4. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    i dont know if i can.:wtc:
     
  5. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    You need to avoid contact it'll only make things worse for both of you.
     
  6. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    forever? because i still think we could be happy together.
     
  7. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    Until you're over her. Imo with what she displayed to you as the reason for leaving do not expect to ever get back together. She really was obviously getting bored from what I can tell and gave the common excuse "you're too good for me".

    I would leave it alone until everything chills, I have a zero contact for 3 months on any girl who I break up with or they break up with me it's good practice and lets you hang onto your man balls and squeeze the pain out.
     
  8. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    3 months was my plan as well. my thinking was that by then i would have had ample time to think the situation over and decide if i really want to be with her or if what we had wasnt everything i thought it was.

    the way i feel right now, im devastated. i never really understood how people could consider suicide, now i do. not that i would ever kill myself but when emotions run this strong, i could see how some people would want it all to end abruptly. it kills me to know that another man with be with her. or even worse some jackass who never grew up and treats women like trash. she deserves to be treated like the amazing person that she is... and i cant be there to give her that. i cant hold her in my arms, or look into her eyes. i cant gently kiss her in the middle of the night while she lays motionless, lost in some beautiful dream. it really isnt fair, but then nothing is. you know, i didnt cry this much, hell not even 1/4 this much, when my father died.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2007
  9. miker

    miker New Member

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    hey man i was in your position a year ago. we moved way too fast...our relationship felt like marriage too. she felt trapped and broke it off with me.

    man i totally feel you pain. i really can't give you the advice you wanna hear(how to get back with her) but just know that you aren't the only guy thats suffered like that. hang in there man and dont commit suicide. youll learn that family and friends are extremely crucial at this point in yourlife. just give it time mang. time cures all wounds.

    i hoped this helped =)
     
  10. danewreed

    danewreed OT Supporter

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    been there homey, it got better with self-improvement
     
  11. turbo_babe91

    turbo_babe91 New Member

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    dude you sound like a really sweet guy... Im wondering if maybe you were just too soft for her? No offense... But maybe she needs somebody who has less emotions... And u know it's just the way you are and your personalities probably just clashed. And dont change either. There's tonnes of girls out there who need a man like you.. My BF is a big softy and I love it. He's so sweet though sometimes I feel like I dont deserve him.. Maybe shes feeling that way. Just give it some time.. give her some space and talk to her when you're both ready. Dont try to get her to come back to you.. just analyze the relationship and see where the problems were...
     
  12. Leftychang

    Leftychang OT Supporter

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    JKIDD, damn i read those 2 posts you linked to and that is some life changing motivating shit right there.
     
  13. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    we've all been there, seriously. just take it easy. feel free to talk about with friends and family but don't dwell on it.

    keep yourself occupied. get involved with school or work or your community so you feel good about yourself and what you're doing. hang out with a group of friends, but don't feel pressure to party hard and hook up with other girls.

    you just have to let this one go. your relationship wasn't perfect and in time you'll realize why you two just couldn't work. i'm not saying she isn't a great girl (she probably is if you fell for her like that) but some people just aren't right for each other even if they love each other a lot.

    do not contact her and do not respond to her emails/calls/texts/voicemails/facebook messages. it's going to be very tempting but you need to completely cut her out of your life for awhile. once some of your feelings have subsided (probably after 2-3 months) you can start to let her in a little bit, and maybe become friends.

    until then, do things with friends, pick up a hobby, and get involved. it'll help; i promise.
     
  14. Hawkal

    Hawkal dammit,wtf? OT Supporter

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    Huski speaks the truth. Everyone reacts to these things differently (my dad was over his gf of four years in like two weeks, eventually met my mom, and here I am.) But you have to keep busy. One of my friends picked up WoW. I'd recommend not doing that, btw, it doesn't get you outside, with *people* (he's still miserable after 2 months, and he just dated the girl for three ><).

    Keep busy, and active. Outdoor activities are usually really great for that, go running/biking/whatever with friends. You'll pull through :)

    Your last line bothers me, about "deserving her" Yail should probably give you the whole self-confidence thing. The problem wasn't you deserving her, it's just that she doesn't deserve you. Don't think negatively. The fact she broke up with you using that gross excuse means she's the one who's undeserving, not you. You'll find better, count on it.
     
  15. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    I have been hanging out with my friends and family since we split, and it helps. i am really good friends with her brother, and he and i hang out on occasion. so at least i got a good friend out of the experience. and i am trying really hard to stay occupied. im at the gym for 1-2 hours a night, and like i said, being with friends (on a side note, its amazing how insightful and helpful a bunch of stoners can be).

    Here is the problem. I cant just let this one go. I understand why she ended it... but i feel like there is still a chance for happiness. i am going to think a long time on it before i act upon this feeling, of course. If i was in the same state, scared of love and sacrificing the person i loved to save them from the pain and anguish i thought i would someday inflict on them, i would want that person to kick the fucking door in and tell me that their not willing to let me go. that despite all the shit we would encounter in our lives, we would have each other and that alone would be enough.

    i care more about this woman than anyone i have ever known. and i fear that as hard as i try to let her go, the things i felt with her are just too strong. the passion, the intimacy, the trust we shared... if i don't try, if i DO NOTHING and let her go, i will regret it for the rest of my life. i will always look back and wonder why i didn't give it another shot.

    like i said, im going to think about all this for a good while. ill stay busy and really try to improve on myself (great advice btw guys), and if it is still something i need to do, if only for myself and my own peace of mind/sanity, i will talk to her, and we will see if the unique thing we had justifies one more shot.
     
  16. Hawkal

    Hawkal dammit,wtf? OT Supporter

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    Don't ask her out, imo. If it's really meant to be, she'll ask you back. If you go after her, she'll only lose respect for you. (In *most* cases. People have been around for thousands of years, and heartbreak along with them.)
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2007
  17. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    update. i saw her tonight, with the same guy she was "talking to" for an hour in MY car the night we broke up. i had to leave the movie i was at early because i was balling my eyes out. i went home with the intention of killing myself. i realized that i couldnt do that, because it would hurt my family so much.

    so i called her, and told her i needed to talk to her. NOW. i met her in a parking lot and told her everything. that i was in love with her and that i understood why we broke up, and it was the right thing to do. she told me that she didnt love me, and she saw no future with me (which totally contridicts everything she said before) and as she was saying all this i realized... she is in denial. her eyes were completely emotionless and empty.

    so i stopped holding back. i told her that she was stupid to break up with me and that someday she would realize that, and regret it. that i am her "one that got away" i told her that the guy she is with now (a week after we ended it) is just her rebound guy, and it isnt going to be shit. i told her that she messed up big.

    Now i feel good. i feel like so much weight is off my shoulders, and i dont feel depressed. im proud of myself for being strong and getting all of this out instead of bottling it up untill i self destructed. i think i can really work on moving on now.
     
  18. I didn't read your thread, but get over yourself. She dumped you and you got out of the relationship free of any stupid problems. Get the fuck over yourself. She took herself out of the possible mating pool for you, what more could you ask for? There are 3 billion other women in the world. Spend time with your friends and family, work on yourself. And at any cost do not contact her.
     
  19. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    way to act like a little girl. she tried to end it on good terms with you and you cried at her and made her feel guilty. that's womanly.
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Damn, I have heard this story soooo many times, yet it still shocks me. She's not in denial man, you have got to get over this! This encounter with her is the perfect reason of why you need to move on. You were gripping on to the idea that she just needed time so you could eventually get back together, but it's not going to happen. Your actions after the breakup have been textbook pathetic, and to a girl who actually broke up with you they seem even worse. Obviously she lost feeling for you and to be honest I have a feeling it has a lot to do with the fact that you are pretty feminine, most likely too feminine for her. I don't know what I'd do if I met a guy who wanted to move in with me after 5 months, told me we'd get married, and could cry at the drop of a hat.

    You've never shared your age, and if you aren't like 18-19 then damn. I remember you said you never understood until now why people kill themselves and that you contemplated killing yourself just because you saw her at the theater....Why? I have to know what would go through your mind to think that killing yourself would ever fix the problem? How could you ever possibly resolve your feelings for her if you were dead? How could you ever move on and meet new amazing women who love you just like she did. Either way, I'm glad you got ahold of ourself and realized suicide is fucking stupid as hell and not the answer to your problems.

    As I said before, learn from this lesson. Do not try talking to this girl, seeing this girl, or checking up on her on Myspace or whatever the fuck else you could see how she is. This time is like drug detox. You need to get her out of your system ASAP and function on you own. Make yourself a better person and do not become bitter or paranoid of all women just because this relationship didn't work out.
     
  21. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    :bowdown::bowdown:
     
  22. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    it was something i had to do. today i woke up feeling like a new man. and im ready to get over her now.
     
  23. iceman1123

    iceman1123 Guest

    The fact that you addressed her like you did made you feel like you were in charge but you just let her walk all over your bitch ass again. ive been in a similar situation.

    DO NOT TRY TO REASON with her. YOU are the one in denial, NOT her. She obviously knows what she wants, you only THINK you know what she wants. I could tell you that you're overly emotional about this but you already know that. I could tell you that she was apparently the guy in the relationship, but you already know that.

    I could tell you to move on, stop calling her and grow a pair







    but i doubt youll listen
     
  24. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    no you're not. you're gonna start crying the next time you see her/a picture of her with another guy.
     
  25. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    it will be hard im sure, but i feel so much better then i did before now that i got everything off my chest.
     

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