SRS girl is using sex against me

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by sublime335, Nov 13, 2006.

  1. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    So I dated this girl for 4 years. I'm now 21 and I broke up with her. I talked to her about marriage about 2 years ago because I had really decided she was the girl I want to marry. I love everything about her except for the fact that she has basicly told me that she doesent feel the same. I completely understood that but I told her (after knowing this for the past 2 years) that I just couldent do it anymore because I didnt want to be with her until I was old and had a job and no way or time to date, basicly leaving me alone for the rest of my life. (not in so few words obviously) She seemed to except this for about a month. Now she is calling me, IMing me and texting me that she thinks I might be the one and maybe she was wrong but she still just isnt sure. She then proceeds to tell me that if I ever have sex with someone else she can't be with me again. This comes from the fact that we lost our virginity to each other and maintain that we have only had sex with each other. I understand what she is thinking and feeling but at the same time I don't know what to do. We are talking about being apart for years not a couple weeks while she figures things out. I am now kind of seeing this girl that lives next door and I'm not really sure how I feel about her. We have hooked up a few times but everytime we do, she wants me to have sex with her and I don't, but I really want to. I just think its really unfair that she is controlling me while we arent together. Am I out of line? Am I being un reasonable? help me please!

    (sorry for the ramble.)

    edit: also, I have no way of detaching myself from her completely because we have all of the exact same friends. She is at every party I go to and talks to me. I don't necessarily dislike it because as I said, I love her. But now I'm torn between loving her and liking this other girl. The other girl knows that I dated her and won't talk to me when shes around because she makes her uncomfortable. It also puts me in a very awkward situation everytime they are both around.
     
  2. 88rover

    88rover New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,821
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    She is playing around with your head, she doesn't know what she wants and she only knows you, so she feels like there is some connection between you and her, and she doesn't want to be alone. Forget her, and move on. You do not need to be controlled by someone you USEd to date and have sex with, even though it was both of your first time. It is always special the first time, but it is not always forever. MOVE ON.
     
  3. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    I know that is what I should do but as I said, I love this girl more than anything and I would do anything to be with her for the rest of my life. At the same time, I can't sit around and wait for her. The way I would like it to be is that I go on with life and do what I want and if one day down the road she changes her mind and I'm still around then maybe it could happen. She said that she doesent care if I, "hook up with other girls" (not that her telling me she wasent ok with it would stop me but the sex thing I believe she would be true to) We were always very open with each other. I have never lied to her ever and I don't believe she has ever lied to me. I told her every dark fantasy I ever had, every disturbing thought, everything that ever crossed my mind and she is the only girl I have ever been completely comfortable with. I treat her as if she is me.

    edit:if i knew that ayear from now she was goingto tell me, "im ready to be with u" then it would be worth my wait.
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2006
  4. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2006
    Messages:
    8,022
    Likes Received:
    0
    Wow dude, that's sucks. So did she tell you it might take her years to figure out if you are the one?

    I see several options...start dating your neighbor....and having sex with her as you both want to. couple things will happen, you might realize that there are other girls who can live up to you memories of your x, your x might get really jealous and demand you back as well, but she would have to see that you have a relationship going.

    You could flat out tell your x that either you two get back together, or you are moving on and if it leads to sex oh well. Oh course that's like blackmail, and who would want to scare a women into being with them.

    You could "date" other people and just remain fuckbuddies with your x.

    If I were you I'd go for it with the neighbor, if your x asks tell her what you've done, she'll likely do the same (the sex with someone else) and if it's in the cards you all might be back together in the future.....
     
  5. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    If it were me, I'd say fuck the x. She's messing with your head. she wants you but doesn't know what she wants? I say that she's just trying to keep you around as an 'available option'. And she doesn't want you to have sex with anyone else? Wtf, that's just messed.
    Move on.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    You have a woman who is attempting to control you. She even gave you an ultimatum. Here's the question. Is sex with her that good? Will you sacrifice everything just to fuck her every so often?

    Forget her.

    As for seeing her everywhere, start doing different things. If you see her, and she wants to start talking, but you don't, ignore her, or say that you're busy or can't talk.

    Look at what I bolded. She's basically telling you "wait a few years for me while I figure things out, and don't sleep with anyone else." I would almost guarantee that she would have no qualms about sleeping with some other people during that time.

    Bottom line, I don't care how much you think you love this girl, she's trying to control your life. How is that in any way acceptable?
     
  7. Snowman_Pusha

    Snowman_Pusha New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2006
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas, Tx
    She is obviously "PLAYING GAMES".....typical girl behavior. Forget Her! Jump in your "Ho Catcher"(Bad Ass Car) & go pick up some premo box.
     
  8. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL

    Yes sex with her is very good but not good enough that I want to give up everything for a few more years of sex with her. If I knew what the future was going to bring then yes it would be worth it. This new girl that I'm seeing is not much of a "giver" Basicly she just lays there while we, make out/whatever. Right off the bat I noticed that she just isn't as much fun intimately because we arent as comfortable together.

    I really don't believe that she would. basicly what she said to me was, "if I can go without it so can you. It shouldn't be that hard to just keep it in your pants."

    My real problem is that everytime we talk I enjoy it and I love talking to her and being "friendly" I just wish she would stay out of that part of my life. She knows I'm hooking up with this girl and doesn't even care, but another piece of information that I left out was this. We broke up one other time (she broke up with me) and was really rude about being all over guys in front of me. we talked about it and she stopped. We agreed in the beginning of this break up that we would respect eachother and not do things just to make the other jealous. She really seems to be respecting that we are broken up in every way but this, however I really don't want to lose this girl from my life entirely. If things don't work out in the long run thats fine, but I just don't want to think, "what if" 10 years from now.

    edit: also, when we broke up last time, we where apart for 4 months, and I know a certain guy was trying to have sex with her and she didn't. I know all of the guys that she "hooked up" with personaly, and I know that she didnt have sex with any of them, which gives her even more leverage over me.
     
  9. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    haha! the girl down the street drives the exact same car as me. same year, same model.
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    well, if you're not happy with the current girl sexually, then go find another. There are tons of them out there. However, I'm thinking that you wouldn't be happy with any other girl, because you're still stuck on this one.

    It sounds like you've made up your mind. you're going to wait for your ex, because you're worried that you might be regretting it in the future.
     
  11. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    also, I have a different question related to the same subject. Me and the girl down the street are both fairly shy people. I have always had a lot of trouble talking to girls but I'm trying really hard this time. She doesent seem to be able to talk to me comfortably. We don't even talk during the week, only on weekends, but when the weekend comes we text each other until we end up at the same party. How do I get her to be more comfortable around me? her best friend is a girl that I have known (and she has been the girl who I always talk about relationship problems with) for 14 years. She tells me that this is the first time the girl has ever been able to talk to a guy openly before... So now I'm sitting here thinking that if this is the most open she has ever been with a guy, what am I really in store for?
     
  12. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    well, thats exactly it, I don't know if I really am unsatisfied with this girl or if its cause I'm just comparing her to what I had and not really giving her a chance

    edit: basicly at the end of this situation someone is going to hate me and I really like both people.
     
  13. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    4,778
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chapel Hill, NC
    I would suggest distancing yourself from her and forgetting about your situation with her for the time being. If it is meant to be, your paths will cross again in the future.
     
  14. cd7

    cd7 how troublesome

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2005
    Messages:
    1,860
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    screwston
    you are young, dont be tied down. dont let her control you even when you arent together. whatever happens happens with the other girl. enjoy life by the day
     
  15. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    as I said, I'm trying but its hard when she is at every party/tailgate I ever go to. She isnt openly mean to me ever, so I can't just be mean back. Thank you everyone for the help thus far. Should I explain to the other girl what the situation is or not?
     
  16. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    So go do something else besides "party/tailgate". Invite some friends out to do other things and let them know that you'd like for her not to be there so you can get over her. Do you really think this girl is going to go for years without sleeping with anyone else? :hsugh: She probably just hasn't found anyone else that she wants to sleep with yet. Don't be a naive kid and think that she is the "love of your life" and that she is perfect for you. You've never experienced anything else so of course she seems perfect. You are too young to tie yourself down to some girl that doesn't even want to be with you. If you are really meant to be together then you will get back together in the future after you've both gotten some life experience and been with other people. Letting her control your sex life because you hope that she will want you back someday is just stupid.
     
  17. Snowman_Pusha

    Snowman_Pusha New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2006
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas, Tx
    :mepoke:
    HHHEEEEEELLLOOOOOOO? You Know What To Do Now........ Go DO It!
     
  18. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    What she is doing is testing you. This is not likely some "concious" test but it is a test nonetheless. She had you anytime she wanted you, even after you failed the first test when she dumped you. You failed the first test by sticking around. When you finally grew a pair and did the right thing by calling it off she then noticed that she no longer "had" you.

    Her calling you again saying she is having doubts has nothing to do with her growing up and wanting a relationship. Her feelings were sprouted because she lost something that she once had anytime she wanted it. She doesn't like not having control. So now she tests you again by trying to lure you back.

    You might even get her back, temporarily, but in doing so you would have failed the test, and by failing that test you will never ever truly succeed with this girl. Your relationship would be doomed because you failed by proving to her that she does in fact "own you". All she has to do is throw a little manipulation your way and you-always the sucker-lapped it right up like a thirsty dog.

    The test is to see what kind of a man you are, a pushover with no backbone, or a man. If you ever take her back on her terms, then you fail and she owns you. This creates an imbalance in the relationship where she is in power and she will never have the respect for you that she needs in order to have a successful adult relationship. Your only real answer for her manipulation is to turn her down.

    She's been acting pretty immature so I wouldn't be shocked to see her throw a selfish little tantrum and even try to get revenge. It's all an attempt to manipulate you or get a "one up" over you. Always be the mature one. Ignore it and do not get baited.

    If you do still care about her (God knows why...) then you could tell her straight up that you don't want anything to do with her right now. You want to goout and date other people and see what else is out there. She's been too much drama for you and you won't ever see her until she grows up and acts like a mature adult.
     
  19. Snowman_Pusha

    Snowman_Pusha New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2006
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas, Tx
    Amen To The Man Above Me......Decription Of The Game/Test.




    30 Mins Flat I Can Bake A Whole Cake.
     

Share This Page