Girl is really into me but I think she's worried about being a "rebound"

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by xpinchx, Jul 26, 2009.

  1. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    Okay, so I had a novel typed up and I accidentally kicked my power strip, so my computer crashed and I lost everything. I'm going to keep things as cliffs-like as possible because now I'm lazy. :hs:

    Backstory: Been with the same girl for 5 years, broke up a little more than a week ago. It was hard at first but things are normalizing and thanks to my friends who have been consoling me and giving me advice I'm pretty much over her, at least to the point where I definitely won't take her back even if she tried (she dumped me). A week doesn't seem like a long enough time to get over such a long relationship, but I see now that she was over me for quite a while when things were falling apart.

    Backstory pt2: I've been good friends with the girl I'm interested in for a while, and she works with my ex and they've been good friends. I didn't really have any concrete feelings for her previously, but we do have a pretty unique connection. I can't quite explain it, it's just a feeling. Anyway, the day I broke up with my ex I went to the bar with her and another buddy. We all ended up back at her place and when it was time to crash I pulled out the futon and to my surprise she hopped right in next to me. We kinda cuddled but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not so I tried to keep my arm to myself but I kept waking up with my arm around her :rofl:. She might've also held my hand at one point but I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or still drunk or what.

    Fast forward to last night, I go out to the bar with two of my buddies and I invite her along since we always have a good time as a group. After a long night of drinking we all got a taxi back to her place and hung out for a while. My two friends passed out on the couch/floor and I set up the futon and just like before she hit the lights and laid down next to me. I went ahead and put my arm around her and she held my hand. She was kind of rubbing my hand and things were feeling pretty good so I went ahead and stated the obvious, saying that I liked her. My memory of the conversation is a little fuzzy because I was still pretty buzzed and extremely tired. She basically said the feeling was mutual, but at some point she said "you just broke up..." She held my hand a little tighter and looked back at me. I didn't know what to say and I don't think I said anything except maybe "I know." Sorry the details aren't very clear. She was still kind of caressing my hand and arm and I started to stroke her hair. I had butterflies in my stomach like crazy. The moment felt right so I touched her cheek and looked at her for a second and I went in for the kiss. It was really sweet and gentle and it felt awesome. Soon after we fell asleep holding each other.

    We woke up and talked about a few random things but I didn't want to address what she said the night before just yet, especially since my friends were waking up and we were getting ready to be on our way home. When she dropped me off at my car I said I'm usually just bored loafing around my apartment and to give me a call if she wanted to hang out again soon. We're going to a concert on tuesday with a group of friends so I'll see her then anyway. But what should I do at this point? Should I call her to talk about it? I don't know if jumping right into another relationship is the "right" thing to do, but my life philosophy is just "go with the flow" and right now I feel good about where things are going. I really don't want her to feel like she's a rebound, or that I'm just doing this to get over my ex or make her jealous. We both have strong feelings for each other and I could definitely see myself with her.

    Anyway, this ended up being pretty long so if you made it this far thanks for reading and let me know what you think...
     
  2. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    I'm going to start off by saying that I have no idea how you could even begin to say you are over your ex after only a week. Of course, every relationship isn't the same but my longest (2 years) ended abruptly with her dumping me. I know now that she was looking for a new guy for weeks before it happened and my feelings for her constantly drifted in and out though I never stopped loving her.

    I would have fucked the first girl that threw herself at me, but I was no where near over it. Of course, that sort of rebound didn't happen because we both tried to hang on to each other for the first month or so afterwards (slept together once while she was dating the guy she dumped me for :rofl:). After that I started the healing process and was a complete emotional wreck when it came to relationships so obviously I subliminally pushed any girl with half a brain away.


    3-4 months after the brake up I get together with a new girl. Before we got together I in no way thought she was a rebound. 4 weeks into the relationship I simply cant help but no longer give a fuck. We weren't relationship material yet she was hooked on me like an addict to their drug of choice.

    It was missery not wanting to brake her heart yet not caring about the relationship. Since the spring semester ended and our respective homes were 2hrs each in opposite directions from Tampa (we go to USF) it turned into a long distance thing.

    I basically eased her off of me like you'd ease off such an addict until communication was down to a bi-daily short phone call. Then, finnally, she broke it off with me. Since we have remained friends. In fact, she is the only girl who've I've remained friends with after a bad relationship. She's even gone as far as her telling her friends how great I am and how they should try to go after me.

    Ah, how I love it when girls throw more girls at me. lol

    Moral of the story is, I had no idea she was going to be a rebound. It was a good ammount of time after a bad relationship. Still, it ended up happening so I simply did my best to let her down easy. In your situation I'd keep the flirting going for a while. Let her know you're hooked on her and wont be persuing other girls for the time being. Once the air has cleared some from the last relationship give it a try. She may be a rebound she may become your wife. As long as you aren't speficially looking for a rebound, there's nothing wrong with pursuing her. :)
     
  3. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Since she works with your ex-gf, are you sure she's really into you and she could be the one trying to make your ex jealous?

    You've only been broken up for a week after a 5 year relationship, that is really fast for another girl to move in, especially when she is friends with your ex.
     
  4. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    I'm not at all looking for a girl to live with, I think that's a big part of what killed my last relationship. Things were great until we lived together. It was the first time either of us lived away from home and I don't think we were ready for the responsibility yet. I need to live on my own (without a girl) for a while so I know I can be independent. As far as her making my ex jealous I couldn't fathom why she would do that, I know her pretty well and she's just a nice girl. :dunno:
    I think I got over it so quickly because the way it ended. It was just the right mix between understanding and disappointment that it wasn't easy to get away from, but once I was free I knew there was no looking back and things would never be the same with her. While she was living here I went through all kinds of emotions and went through various stages of desperation. When she moved out I was really depressed and realized how dependent I was on her. Now that she's gone though I've come to realize that I don't need her. I'm not really bitter about it, I just don't care.

    But as for your final comments I think you're right. I'm not looking for a rebound, in fact I wasn't even looking for a date but the opportunity just happened to present itself so here I am. :hs:
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    She would be a rebound.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Of course she's a rebound. And I don't think you should pretend like she wouldn't be one. Best thing you can do for the current girl is tell her that it's likely you won't be going after anything serious, but would love to hang out with her and have fun with her and see where things go from there.
     
  7. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    I don't get how this whole rebound thing works. I mean it's gotta happen to everybody, so like what are the rules?

    This is kinda deja vu, when I was in high school I dated a girl for about a year and after we broke up her friend asked me out. I told her at the time I wasn't over my ex and that I wanted to try to get back with her. Of course that never happened but it was a huge missed opportunity that I regretted not taking. I think after this current breakup I made myself more available and this is just the result... But what about people that are "serial daters" they pretty much go from relationship to relationship without any trouble. That's not what I am at all, I dated a lot in HS and was single for a pretty long time. :dunno: I'm just kind of thinking out loud.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2009
  8. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    A rebound is (either actively or subliminally) letting yourself know that you've still got it and are still attractive. Thus you take the first person that meets your "standards" regardless of how well you actually mesh. Or you just take any ole thing to continue with the relationship "feel" while still getting over the person.

    Some people fall in love with the relationship, and not the person. Some people dont know that they're only looking to fall in love with a relationship and not a person.

    At least that's my outlook :dunno:
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    from your breakup thread

    So it's only been a week and you've already broken that? :o

    This is why she will be a rebound and she knows it. There's no chance that you are over that after only a week. You are just looking for a new person to be emotionally dependant on instead of taking time alone to take care of yourself.

    If you want to rebound with someone then find someone that's not in your group of friends. Do you want to lose all your friends too? There's no way that dating her coworker won't cause drama with your group.
     
  10. xpinchx

    xpinchx hes got a nice cock, on the thin side but its stil

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    I can't help it :o.

    I think my attitude has changed a lot in the past 3-4 days alone. I haven't once had the urge to call my ex to see what she's doing, and to be honest I don't really care that much :dunno:. I don't feel depressed in my empty apartment, or when I go to bed alone, when I look at pictures, or anything. I think what's going on is that when I was with her I thought I couldn't be happy without her, but now that she's gone I'm realizing how unhappy I was with her, and how happy I can be on my own. I feel a lot more confident, independent, and just overall emotionally healthy. The last couple of months with her were complete sexual oppression. She never offered to do anything, and I felt like she really looked down on anything sexual and i could basically feel my T levels dropping. My sex drive was way down, energy levels were down, weak boners, etc. All these things are coming back and I haven't felt this good in a long time.

    So really all I have to say is that my attitude has changed a lot in the past few days. I think the best way to handle this is to just take things slow and make sure I'm in it for the right reasons. I don't really "miss the feeling" since things have been dead with my ex for some time now. I can't lie I do miss the cuddling but that was such a small part of "life as usual." I'm definately not looking to have a live-in girlfriend anytime soon, and I'm not even in a big rush to move things to the dating stage. Right now I'm having a lot of fun with this girl just flirting and going out and having a good time. :dunno: As far as how things will work in the group of friends, I'm not really sure but I don't think it would really be a big issue as long as things move slow.
     
  11. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    fixed.

    Dude, enjoy single life.
     
  12. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Sorry, but as soon as I got to "Been with the same girl for 5 years, broke up a little more than a week ago" I didn't bother to read any further. What in FUCK'S NAME are you doing even thinking about dating? I'll tell you right now what you're doing. You've been in a LTR for so long that you don't know how to be single. Well guess what? You're doing it wrong. Do yourself a favor and put some distance between yourself and ALL women for the time being.
     
  13. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    FUCKING .
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    from the other thread :mamoru:

    i've been telling you this for years, glad you finally realized I was right :h5:


    What are the chances of you actually taking things slow though? It's pretty hard to do that when you've been friends with the person for awhile. And never underestimate the power of drama :o
     
  15. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    of course she's a rebound. she's pretty much your crutch for fresh out of a relationship in just one week :rofl:

    your subconscious is telling you that you should be seen with someone so you don't seem like a loser. how can you fall for someone so quickly after 5 years with someone? either you knew you and your ex wouldn't be together for longer, or you've had feelings for this chick all along. but i'm going to go with her being a rebound

    with that out the way, if she doesn't feel like she's a rebound, then more power to you and just "go with the flow". if she does feel like a rebound, then don't lead her on and back up. just hang out as friends
     
  16. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    i doubt you're over her
     
  17. jeffswain

    jeffswain OT Supporter

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    she will be a rebound. maybe u should make it clear to keep it casual?
     

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