SRS girl I'm seeing drops a major bomb on me...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by sp0rk in the ear, Mar 17, 2007.

  1. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2003
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    So I've been casually seeing this girl for a few months. We usually just hang out and it often eventually leads to sex. Nothing serious we just get together and eventually have sex. To go a week without talking to her is common.

    Anyways. Tonight we just got finished watching a movie and we start going at it. She always lacks energy in bed, and in general. She tells me she has "Chronic fatigue syndrome", and tries to explain it to me, but this is frustrating when we're having sex because she doesn't do jack shit. She usually just lays there. For example, tonight I'm going down on her in hopes she'll return the favor in some way. I spend a half an hour trying to get her off and she seems to be loving it, but it's clear I'm not doing something right (she never tells me what she likes or how so I improvise). I eventually give up because I'm tired and rather frustrated that she's not having orgasms. We sort of just lay there and I try to get her to be energetic. I shouldn't have to ask her to go down on me so I simply don't, but it's pretty clear here what's supposed to happen next. Especially because I have a harder time getting off than she does.
    She just lays there. So I'm thinking ...what the fuck. We're still messing around a bit more and I'm trying to get her to not fall asleep. Then she starts putting her clothes back on! So at this point I'm kind of pissed. After many failed attempts of walking away, getting a drink coming back, talking, trying again and again, etc. she's still just sitting there. So I'm like "Alright, time for us to get going", and she's ready to leave and we get in the car and head out. Now I'm clearly pissed and she definitely senses it. After some awkward silence I say,

    Me: "Any idea why I might be a little upset?"
    - she immediately gets emotional. I'm thinking...???
    Her: Yeah
    Me: Enlighten me.
    Her: Enlighten you?!
    Me: If you know what's wrong then tell me...
    - She starts sobbing
    Me: Why are you crying? You're not making any sense. I'm the one who should be mad here not you.
    Her: something I dont remember over sobs
    Me: Look, if you think this is because you wouldn't let me have sex with you it's not that. I'm mostly mad because I spent like a half an hour going down on you, and you didn't do anything. You just layed there. Is this a one way relationship here, is that it?

    Her:You always say something everytime I'm with you that makes me upset. You always point out how tired I am and I just sit there.
    Me: Well that's because you do! That's exactly my point!
    Her: *distraught* Well it's maybe because I've just been told I dont have that long to live. The doctors don't know what's wrong with me, but they're saying that I probably wont make it another five years!
    Me: ...

    I had no idea what to say here.

    Me: Well why didn't I hear about this earlier, why didn't you tell me?
    Her: Because you're the first person I've told! (Her FAMILY doesn't even know)
    Me: Now I feel like an asshole. I'm sorry. Why haven't you told anyone?
    Her: Because I know how people look at people who are dying! I can't take that...
    Me: Well it's better to tell someone you'll feel a lot better. Did you honestly think I'm going to look at you differently? Fuck no.

    -
    I reached over and held her hand. I was completely :eek4: . She was cold and just really upset the whole 20 minute ride back to her apartment. I didn't say much. It's been snowing hard and the roads were terrible so I had to focus on driving. I dropped her off. I told her to call me anytime if she wanted to talk (she never calls me and is usually pretty distant). Her face looked so sad and angry it sends chills up my spine. Why did she tell me. Her family doesn't even know. Shit.

    Could I have handled this better? What should I do? She completely broadsided me with this. I had to get this off my chest as it just happened. Thanks OT.

    :hs:
     
  2. keleko

    keleko yes, he is

    Joined:
    May 22, 2005
    Messages:
    28,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lauderhill, fl
    i'd have done the same thing
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    What does she have? Yes, it's relevant.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    You probably should have found out more about chronic fatigue before getting upset with her everytime for just laying there. People with that are pretty much in a permanent state of exhaustion and it takes a lot of effort for them to move to do anything. Normally I'd say she was being selfish by not returning the favors but in her case it may be extremely hard for her to get the energy to do that.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Your stepping majorly over the line with her, she told you she has a chronic fatigue disease,and after that your expecting a lot of action from her :hs:

    And the way you two communicate is just downright terrible. You go into the blame game because you aren't getting out of it what you've put in.

    My advice is that you take her condition into account, even if you think she's lying or just making exuses, it comes down to that this girl does not have a lot of energy. Love her unconditionally, nobody is perfect and if you are unwilling i would let her go. If you want to stay with her communicate (not yell) to her on what she likes , ask her questions. Tell her also what you like, look people don't have crystall fortune telling balls so we have to talk to eachother to get on the same frequency of thinking.

    Just guessing only leads to misconceptions which should be avoided, be in tune with eachother because right now your only hurting her with the things you say. I think your angry but its not something that a bit of communication couldn't solve(again talking not yelling/arguing)
     
  6. FyreDaug

    FyreDaug lolswift

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2006
    Messages:
    23,228
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    dude, first off post more lurk less.

    Now about the issue, thats pretty hard. Did she say what it is? or when she was diagnosed?

    Have you noticed any changes recently with her or (you mention it) is it basically the same thing every time you go together? Now that you know this, if you were thinking about breaking up with her because of her not being energetic, nows the worst time to do that. Be supportive but if you were hoping to get out of this, you just blew it. If you leave her now your a dick
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    Do you believe her about the chronic fatigue and only having 5 years to live?

    Sounds fishy to me.

    You two aren't a couple, and if you aren't enjoying the sex, then why are you wasting your time with her?
     
  8. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    sorry to say this, but my natural cynicism tells me that sounds a bit suspicious...i'd check the story out first
     
  9. Sofa King

    Sofa King Guest

    Agreed with the skeptics, but if you're sure about this, try and talk to her more. Stop hanging out for the sex and start hanging out to help her. If you're the only one that knows, she'll need you.
     
  10. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2003
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's the thing. We are NOT a couple. This is just casual dating, no real commitments. She is not the least bit clingy unless we are together (even then not so much). So you can see why our communication is basically non existent. There's nothing to talk about. We both know what this is. No reason to bring it up. That is why I can't believe she's says all this to me. Maybe she sensed that I was going to end it with her? Because that was my eventual plan in the conversation if things didn't go well. I don't want to waste my time with her if she can't reciprocate. But now I feel like she just smashed that option to bits by telling me this. I'm a total DICK if I end it with her now. Fuck...

    And YES I do think this is a little fishy. When she told me she had CFS, I did a little research so I could understand it. I'm quite sure it can't kill people. I really don't get it. Although now that I think about it she once told me she had a very minor stroke while shoveling snow. Hmmm...Maybe I should press for details? I feel like I'm poking a soft spot here though. That's why I didn't talk much in the car.
     
  11. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2003
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hanging out to help her, not quite sure what you mean by that but from the sounds of it, fuck that. I'm not going to be anyone's emotional tampon. I've got my own problems. She's got plenty of female friends that she would be better off confiding in.
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    The problem with fuck buddies is one person usually gets attached and wants to change the relationship into something deeper. My experience has been that this is usually the woman. When this happens, it's very difficult to go back to the way things were and it's usually best to move on....that is if you don't want something deeper.

    I look back on one particular fuck buddy and kinda wish I had started dating her. She was pretty cool but I'm sure there were reason I didn't......I've just forgotten them.

    Anyways, if you don't want a relationship well...time to find another FB.

    Oh and this part:
    Sounds like you don't have any humanity at all. How about realizing she's a human being with real feelings. Yes you have them too....even if you think they make you weak. It's part of being human and being civil to another human being is part of being a man. Grow up.
     
  13. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2003
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dude. I'm a guy she's casually sleeping with. I have my own problems. She drops this on me and you expect me to be her new psychiatrist? That's what I'm talking about here. I'm not going to run up to her and push her to talk to me. I already gave her the option to talk to me. I'll listen but I can't really offer any advice. It's not something I'm good at nor do I want to be. I honestly just don't want this responsibility. You're missing my point. I am one of the kindest hearted people I know, but to start "hanging out to help her"? Please...This is a girl who barely returns my phone calls.

    Anyone else (who is a guy) think I'm handling this like an asshole?

    I think I'm just going to call her to see how she's doing.
     
  14. shiba

    shiba Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2006
    Messages:
    1,716
    Likes Received:
    0
    What is she claiming to be dying of might I ask?

    CFS dosen't kill people btw.
     
  15. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2003
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    She said the doctors don't know. But that that is the time they are giving her. It smells like BS to me, but why else would she get so distraught? I'm thinking they might not think it's CFS, but something else due to her health. Being 20 years old and having a stroke is a little bit out of the ordinary.

    I left a voicemail saying I was thinking of her and that I'd like to hear from her. I'm kind of worried. =/
     
  16. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Chronic fatigue disease does not make you die at like 25. Just means you are going to feel like shit all the time. Sounds like there is more to this then she is letting you know.
     
  17. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    got this the first time...you don't need to repeat it.
    right...we all do. This phrase is often synonomous with "I'm selfish".
    :rofl:
    Read.....where did I ever say this??? No where.

    You seem incapeable of showing real human emotions and empthy for a fellow human being that is struggling. Nice....what a winnar! :weak:
    Never said you should....but saying you won't be her emotional tampon is different.
    What responsibility?? You see her simply as a piece of meat. Now that she's damaged, you toss her out. great.
    And the point is??? You want what you want till you don't want it anymore and then you toss it aside....amirite??? She's someone you had as a fuck buddy but she's still human.
    Never said that either. Simple common decency is all I'm talking about.

    Oh and reread my post....I said it's prolly just time to move on. However, you seem to have forgotten all that with your last post. Now who's missing the point?
    Ima guy
    lol

    Make up your mind
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    So, the doctors know she only has 5 years to live...but they can't tell what's shortening her life?

    How does that make any sense?

    If you're not that committed to this girl, end the casual relationship. You're obviously not getting a whole lot out of it.
     
  19. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2003
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    Lol Coottie. I'm here looking for opinions. You gave yours. I respectfully responded even disregarding your attacks. Now you're just trolling. Stop posting in my thread you obviously have nothing worthwhile to contribute. I always thought you posted some of the better advice on asylum but this shit...? Yes I'm selfish, I'm human. I make no excuses. No I don't have my mind made up 100% or I wouldn't have posted this here asking opinions. You basically said what you thought, now you're just pissed I didn't take your godly advice. How mature...When I respond in disagreement it is because there is a lot you cannot understand because you don't witness this first hand. So instead of getting mad, just drop it. I heard you.

    Despite some knowitall opinions, I actually care about this girl, she is not just a "fuck buddy". I took her not reciprocating sexually as a lack of respect. That is why I confronted her. I do not tolerate disrespect. I am now more emotionally attached to her than she is to me. I let her lead emotionally, and I lead physically. Male-female relationships 101. Currently, I do not feel she is attached to me enough emotionally for the reactions some of you are suggesting.

    Thanks for your responses so far.
     
  20. American SuperBeast

    American SuperBeast New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2006
    Messages:
    644
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania
    to me her sayin that to you is kinda pointing out that she wants to talk about it now you saying you have your own problems to deal with that your not going to be her emotional tampon ect ect. is to me just being a dick. it doesnt matter to me who it is. If your best friend or someone you have known for years told you that he had some type of chronic disease that will kill him in a couple of years would you tell him that you have your own problems, i hope not but you and her have apparently connected somewhat emotionally so all i say is give it a shot, if she really doesnt want to talk about it then obviously dont make her but if she does then actually listen respond ect
     
  21. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2003
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    As I said earlier, I called and tried to talk to her but she didn't pick up her phone. I left a voicemail expressing my concerns. What more can I do?
     
  22. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    lol I never was...nor am I now...pissed or upset in anyway. Not sure where you get that. I'm simply responding to your posts. It's called a discussion forum....discussions go back and forth. You don't seem to want to discuss tho...ok.
     
  23. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    I would bet money that she doesn't have a terminal illness.
     
  24. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    I wouldn't be worried, at least not about her health.
    I can guarantee you that doctors do not give out a 5 month life expectancy, and also "not know" what the problem is.
    Think about it, how could you give a life expectancy based on not knowing what the problem is?

    And doctors rarely make these statements. When they do, there will be a clear diagnosis. For example, when examining survival curves with cancer, the time can often be pinpointed (statistically) within several weeks.

    But again, a clear diagnosis is required.

    I agree you need to be worried, but not regarding her health. At least, not her physical health.
     
  25. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    im having a hard time w/ this being legit. so she only has 5 yrs to live but the docs do not know what is wrong w/ her? how exactly did they come up w/ this time line when they dont even know whats wrong w/ her?

    and the cfs thing..... is it really that difficult to roll over put his dick in her mouth and suck on it? the guy is not asking her to mount him and ride him.

    she sounds like more drama then i would be willing to deal with.
     

Share This Page